Confessions of a Teenage Heroine
by shegal92
Summary: Dedicated to Twila Starla. Before Kim Possible, there was Team Go. But was Team Go really like how Hego depicted it? Not according to Shego. Rated T for teenage exploits and mannerisms.
1. Beginning

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents, because apparently Disney didn't deem it necessary to give Shego parents in the series.

In my opinion, there's always going to be heroes. Before Kim Possible, there was us. Before us, there was Team Impossible. Before Team Impossible, there was someone else. Circle of Life theory.

A lot of people don't know this, but me and my brothers were once the greatest super heroes in the world. The reason why few know of us is because Hego, the twins, and I had all agreed it would be easier to be out of the public eye and fight villains as privately as we could. In Go City, though, we became big shots, practically gods. But very few that are born in Go City leave Go City. It's a curse.

My brothers adored the attention. I hated it. It brought me nothing but misery. People don't realize how much crap us heroes have to deal with, between villains and publicity and just wanting to live our lives. What sucks about being a god is no one expects you to fall. You can never make mistakes because your enemies will turn them against you. Even our supposed "perfection" was turned against us last year. Lives were lost and I feel guilty for not being about to save them.

Knowing what I know now; the social awkwardness, the inner conflict of being "perfect", the demand on your time and strength, would I do it again? Heck yes. That crap they threw at me only made me stronger, even though I couldn't see it at the time. It shaped me into the woman I am today. Plus, it was fun, I'll give super-heroism that much. That's probably why my brothers were so shocked when I left; we were having a ball screwing around, blaming why we were late for dinner on being captured by an arch-nemisis or skipping school because GJ needed us or "accidentally" shooting a death ray to see what would happen. I think Hego sort of understood.

Life's like a concert; there are slow songs where you just sit still and listen to the words and try to learn what you can from the lyrics. But most of the concert is loud blasts of guitars and drums and screaming and bright lights. Not everyone jumps around and dances, but hopefully you feel the joy coursing through your veins and smile knowingly with whoever you came with. What really matters is how you go home. Do you stumble around singing the upbeat songs drunk off life thinking to yourself "that was absolutely the greatest ride ever"? Or do you drag your feet, muttering about how you're half-deaf and only thinking about the sad songs?

&&&

"...and now our secretary will read the minutes," I jerked out of my half sleep and straightened.

"You know, I really hate it when you call me that," I said. Hego grinned.

"I know you do."

FYI to the world, Hego is not the Boy Scout he portrays whenever there's company around. He can be a major pain in the rear if he wants to, but his sense of right and wrong usually stops him from being more. Usually. I look down at my doodle-covered sheet outlining our last meeting.

"Minute one: meeting opened."

"I don't think that's how you do minutes. I think you do the actual times of the events."

"Don't tell me how to do my job unless you want to do it. You want to be the supreme notetaker, Hego?"

"It's not supreme notetaker, it's secretary, but anyways, proceed," I cleared my throat dramatically.

"Minute two: Supreme notetaker reads last meeting's outline. Minute four: Discuss latest villain exploits, how we dealt with the situation, what a better way to deal with the situation would be, and a lot of other stuff Hego rambled on about while the twins played finger football and Mego critiqued my doodles."

"All I'm saying is I draw better doodles than you."

"They're doodles, Mego, not works of art. They're supposed to be bad yet cutesy. Minute Thirty-Six: Hego brings up the fact we don't have a team motto. Minute Thirty-Seven: The arguement begins. Minute One-Hundred-Seventy-Two: Team motto is agreed on."

"We never agreed on a team motto," Wego 1 objected.

"Me and Shego did," Mego and I smiled. You know, once you get past Mego's selfishness, he's actually a pretty cool brother. But maybe I'm only saying this because he isn't Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes; he's not afraid to bend the rules like my other brothers. Hego sighed.

""Life sucks, then you die" is, for the last time, not a superhero team motto."

"I got more votes than you did for your stupid "go-operation" thing," I pointed out.

"I don't even get that," Wego 2 stated.

"It's a play off of co-operation, but since we're Gos..." I trailed off.

"I thought it was like an operation, you know, like a military plan," Wego 1 said.

"Then it would be Operation: Go, dingbat," Mego rolled his eyes.

"Let's focus," I said. Sometimes I wondered if they all had ADD.

"Yes, today is a momentous occasion. Shego is turning sixteen today," I arched my eyebrow at Hego.

"You remembered?"

"Of course," he scoffed.

"He looked at your calender," Wego 1 sold him out.

"That makes sense. Now that you all know today's my birthday, I want to say I'm going for my license today. Don't...screw...this...up," I said clearly so they could understand. They nodded, but I knew they'd find some way to screw this up.

We went downstairs and saw Mom had already left for work. Dad was in jail, as usual. It's sad how that was so normal to me. I swung my backpack on and headed downstairs.

"Get off to school on time, ya hear?" I called to the twins.

"We will," they said in unison. Mego and Hego went to the elevator with me. Yeah, our house is actually a hotel converted into a major business corporation remodeled into a supervillain layer. There is nothing more awkward than your parents being supervillains when you are a hero.

Good thing they aren't our supervillains or else we'd be grounded all the time.

We went to the garage. Hego and Mego got out their bikes. I jumped onto Hego's pegs.

"Get your own ride!" He yelled.

"You broke my bike, remember? Snapped the chain trying to see how fast a bike with superstrength could go?"

"Fine, whatever. Just don't distract me," I rolled my eyes. I'd like to pull that card out when I got my license.

Yeah, we don't ride the bus. The school buses are for perverts (trust me, especially in the back). Plus, riding a bike is more healthy and not as slow as walking. We know our way around Go City pretty dang well.

Hego turned off into the Go City High School's parking lot. Mego went on to the middle school, which was only a few blocks farther. Our high school has about 1,500 students, so the place is swarming even though it's still ten minutes before first bell. But, of course, a red convertible is waiting for me, stalling the traffic. Like she cared.

"I don't wanna get hit," Hego muttered.

"I understand," I get off Hego's pegs and he goes to the bike rack. I stared down the red convertible. There was no way I could into school without passing her. She revved the engine. I narrowed my eyes. I dashed across the parking lot, but no matter how fast I run, she always hits me. I hit the gravel, hard, but it was only my pride that was seriously injured. I got up and brushed myself off.

"Retard!" Tigress yelled, laughing as she drove away. Every. Single. Day. Well, since she got her license. And, of course, Mischief had been a witness.

"I give her a 5. Her speed was good, but her impact was atrocious," Mischief said in Simon Cowell's voice. She has a knack for voices, as in she doesn't have her own so she uses everyone else's. She had a short purple bob and hazel eyes.

"Missy, leave her alone," War Hawk said. She had black medium length hair and lavender eyes.

"She can't help being slow," Metaphor teased. Metaphor's actual look were snake-like scales and steel grey hair, but at school she morphed into Eve Dawn, a petite brunette.

"Where's Golden Arrow?" I asked.

"Still in juvie," War Hawk said.

"You're kidding me? Tigress got out but didn't bust Golden Arrow out?" They were both assistants to Miss Mistress, an older villainess.

"You know how selfish she is," Metaphor said.

I hang out with villainesses, then and now. They're just funner to be with, between the sarcastic banter and the sudden impulses to bend (or break) the rules. It's just really inconvienent because you never know who's going to be at school because of jail time. We go to my locker to pick up my science textbook.

"Why does Tigress love to torment me?" I asked, pulling a dead fish out of my locker, "This isn't even funny, it's just gross."

"You're fun to torment," Mischief commented, sounding like Tigress. I glared at her.

"Well, you are. If you wouldn't get ticked off all the time, maybe she wouldn't try to get your goat," Metaphor said. I saw Tigress out of the corner of my eyes.

"Don't do it; you'll regret it," War Hawk read my mind. However, the fish was halfway airborne as she said this. It smacked Tigress in the face, "She torments you because you go and do stupid, spiteful things like that!" War Hawk said exasperantly.

"Spiteful, maybe. Stupid? Nah," I said just before Tigress tackled me. Which is like being sacked by a freight train.

&&&

I walked into first period, scratches on my face and bruises everywhere else. Of course, this doesn't escape Dr. Lipsky's perceptive eyes.

"Did you get in a fight with your cat?" He smirked. I glared at him. I guess he's cool, for a science teacher anyway, but he can be annoying at times like these. He's got this stupid half mullet, half guy ponytail and a unibrow that looks like a caterpillar.

"Nah, Tigress," I didn't feel like getting into it with him today. It was one thing fighting in a lair, a way different thing to fight at school, even though the defeat is just as painful. I sank into my desk in the back of the room. He seemed like he was in a pick-on-Shego mood. Scratch that; maybe it was just a pick-on-Shego day. Scratch scratch that; maybe it was just a poor-me day.

The rest of the day dragged by, as though even the clock was against me. Finally, the final bell rang and I darted out of class. Mischief's purple Tracker was waiting. I Dukes-of-Hazzard slide across the hood (surprisingly, it worked for once) and got in the passenger's seat.

"Rite-of-passage time," Mischief said like Batman, grinning as widely as I was.

&&&&&

Wow, okay, this is definetely not my best writing. Whether it was because I wanted to introduce all the characters or I just wanted to rush past the boringness, I can't tell. Please review; it will get better.


	2. Driver test, dead car, and condor crap

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents, because apparently Disney didn't deem it necessary to give Shego parents in the series.

"Dear God, please help Shego with her driving test so she can be coolio and drive like the rest of us 'cause she's kind of the youngest of our group. Plus, she doesn't want to get run over by Tigress every morning. Amen," Mischief looked up, her grin matching the little girl's voice she had prayed in. So what if praying was politically incorrect? We all like someone to listen to us and help us out.

"Why am I so nervous? I fly the jet all the time," I reasoned. We were sitting in the parking lot, early to my driver's test appointment. She shrugged, popping in a cd.

"Don't worry, Shego. I'll get those jitters right out of you. Close your eyes and breathe slowly and deeply. In, out, in, out," Mischief sounded like a yoga instructor, if yoga instructors had their own voice. I did close my eyes and breathe deeply. And then, blasting through her radio and giving me a heart attack, the beginning of "Eye of the Tiger" rocking her little Tracker.

"AIR GUITAR!" She screamed at me like that lead singer of KISS. I laughed, and then started moving my fingers like I had a guitar. We head-banged to the sound of the long intro and then screamed the lyrics at the top of our lungs. That was the great thing about Mischief; nothing was too crazy. She never thought about what others thought when they looked at her (it was a good thing no one ever told her, either). She was just so easy to hang out with.

I was too exhausted to worry by the time my appointment came. My throat ached from "singing" along five times and I was sure I was getting a headache. My cellphone was going off as we turned the radio off, my ringtone at the time being "I'm Too Sexy". Mischief grabbed the phone from me.

"No distractions while you're driving," she sounded just like my mom, turning it off.

"It was War Hawk, though."

"Wishing you good luck. Now, come on, your rite of passage awaits," she practically dragged me to the door. I signed in and my...what would you call them? Tester? Whatever, I'm not a linguist. The tester came for me. Mischief scooped me up in a bone-crushing hug, wishing me good luck in 50 different languages.

We went outside where my test vehicle was awaiting me. It wasn't any kind I knew of, it just looked like a regular old car. I was aware of Mischief waving eagerly, both hands above her head, but the nerves were starting to hit.

"Where's the course?" I asked, trying to sound casual as I slid into the driver's seat.

"The city is the course," The woman responded, clipboard in hand. She was probably perfectly nice, but it didn't matter who was in that passenger's seat. I was convinced they were my enemy.

Everything was second nature; my seat belt, my mirrors, everything else. But I was doing that horrible double-guessing thing that most people do when they're put under pressure. Am I really doing this right? I wondered. Have I been driving wrong this whole time? But I went with my instincts anyway. Didn't matter whether it was right or wrong, I had never crashed. Well, the time that Electronique messed with the engine didn't really count because it wasn't my fault. The test woman gave me simple instructions; U-turn here, yield there. I politely refused whenever she gave me a command I knew was wrong. After those false commands, she'd smile. I didn't dare look at the clipboard, but judging her reaction I was doing great.

And then, the test woman's cell phone went off. No big deal, right? I just kept driving, curbing the urge to turn on the radio.

"Hello?...Um, she's in her driver's test right now. How did you get this number?...Can't it wait; she only has a few more blocks...Shego, could you please pull over? This girl wants to talk to you," I parallel-parked where I knew it was legal and took the phone from her.

"Hello?"

"Shego, get out of the car and get over to 36th street."

"Chloe, I can't right now."

"Yes you can, Shego. Listen, your brothers are being held hostage because they tried to take on Dad without you. I tried to explain to Dad that you were busy and then he said busy how? I told him you were taking a test, he asked what kind of test?"

"I'm loosing points here," I said urgently, glancing over at the test woman.

"Long story short, it's either you get to 36th street with your brothers or we're going to have to come after you."

"See you in a bit."

"Hope this doesn't ruin your score."

"Oh, it will," I hung up, sighing.

"Who was that?" The test woman asked as I pulled out of my parking space, handing her back her cellphone.

"Arch nemesis's sidekick slash BFF. Can I go drop you off real quick at the driver's license place and go save the city?" She was silent.

Someone was going to die for this.

I took the fastest route back, which turned out to be filled with traffic. I growled, knowing I couldn't honk the horn without a major deduction to my already falling score. Instead, I thought nastily of the revenge I was going to give to my brothers when I got my hands on them. They probably did crap like this on purpose.

"Oh my gosh!" The test woman shrieked. I casually looked to my left. Gracefully, War Hawk glided to a landing, her long royal purple feathers folding back under the skin of her arms. She tapped at my window and I rolled it down.

"Bad traffic?" She joked, easily walking beside the car as we inched forward.

"Did you see what was causing it?"

"Oh, I know what caused it. Dad got angry, found the Thanksgiving Day Turkey balloon, and crashed it into a poultry processing plant just a few blocks ahead."

"You know, I'd understand if turkeys were endangered but seriously, a few turkeys on Thanksgiving are just keeping the population in check."

"I know, but this is Dad," she shrugged. She glanced in the car, "Are you deducting Shego for this?" The test woman shook her head.

"I have to say, I've been doing this for eighteen years and I have never been in such a strange situation. I don't know what to do," she laughed. And then, as if the rest of my driver's test couldn't get anymore random, a big glop of condor crap landed on the windshield. Now that was a driving hazard. I pointed at War Hawk.

"Your condor, your mess."

"It's Dad's stupid condor. Your driving test, your mess, but that was a nice shot," War Hawk laughed. In response, I accidentally rolled up the window with her arm hanging inside the car.

&&&

Long story short, I let War Hawk scream at me a bit before I released her and pulled over. We fought, I freed my good-for-nothing brothers, saved the city single-handedly from Avarius (again), and went back to my driver's test. She passed me because I was "clear-headed even under the circumstances". What she meant was she was amazed I could drive legally while being shot at with a plasma ray and my vision blocked by bird feces.

But I still had to clean up after Avarius's condor and War Hawk was sent to juvie. And I had my eyes closed during my driver's license picture.

I thought everyone had forgotten my birthday by the time I got home. But Mom was waiting with my favorite, German chocolate cake and chocolate chip mint cookie dough ice cream (it's impossible to find in stores; you have to make it), for dinner! This cheered me up immediately, actually dissolving my vendetta to my brothers. I hadn't failed my driver's test, after all.

"Mom, why are you grinning?" I asked suspiciously, checking my cake for laxatives. The boys had finished long ago and gone to their video games.

"Can't I be happy for my daughter?" She asked, that sinister grin on her face that I inheirited. She hugged me and kissed my forehead.

"I'm having cake and ice cream for dinner, you're not yelling at me for not cleaning my room... you're making up for not getting me any presents, aren't you?" She sighed.

"Well, if you want me to spoil the surprise...I couldn't wrap it, so I just put it in the garage," she took my plate away, "You want seconds?"

"What exactly is my present? No thank you."

"You want me to spoil it?"

"Yes," she sighed, putting my plate in the sink.

"It's a car."

"A CAR?! YOU'RE LYING?!" I squealed, running for the garage. My car! My very own car! Oh my gosh! I didn't even care if it was ugly, it was mine! My own car!

I threw open the door to the garage and turned on the light. My excitement crashed to a dead hault, Mom's laughter mocking me. My car...or what seemed to be a car. All over the garage floor were parts to some kind of motorized vehicle. My hands balled up into fists as Mom came up gasping behind me, wiping tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, honey, I just couldn't help it... It's better than paying for it, isn't it?" I spun to Mom feeling anger and sadness ball in my throat.

"Mom, I can make money. I don't know how to put a car together," I whined. The amusement left her eyes as she saw my distress.

"This is a learning experience, Shego. Now you'll know how to fix it if it breaks."

"If it runs!" I yelled, storming away.

"Shego, don't you raise your voice at me," Mom threatened. I stormed up to my bedroom. Now Tigress was going to run over me for the rest of my life because I couldn't build a frickin' car.

&&&

"What happened?" Artica asked through the phone. There was a glass wall between us. I wished it was cement. I felt the goose egg on my forehead.

"I tried to do what Mischief suggested, hand spring out of the way. But Tigress's fender hit my head and gave me a concussion. I'm no captain of the cheerleading squad like she is," I muttered, "Why does the whole world hate me?"

"Shego, you're exaggerating. It's just Tigress and who knows why she hates you. Did you steal her boyfriend or something?" I tried to arch an eyebrow, but it hurt my head.

"She's always stealing _my_ boyfriends, not the other way around. But my mom hates me, too. She got me a car but dismembered it. Seriously, who do I know that's good with cars?"

"Golden Arrow's always messing around with mechinary. Why don't you ask her?" I shook my head.

"She's in the stony lonesome, too, and you know what she'll say. She can't help me unless I free her. Do you know how much trouble I would get into if I did bust her out?"

"Well, it's either that or no wheels," Artica's guard was telling her that visitation was over, "Happy belated birthday," she said quickly before hanging up. I sighed and hung up, too.

I needed to go to work, anyway.

&&&&&

Hmmm, now where would a teenage Shego work? And what is she going to do with that dismembered car? Please review.


	3. Drakken wears tidey whites and security

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents, because apparently Disney didn't deem it necessary to give Shego parents in the series.

"Okay, so let's say, hypothetically of course, that one of your employees broke out a friend in jail. Would they loose their job?" I asked, my feet propped up on the desk, staring at a dozen or so computer monitors. I hated working security.

"Not only would they loose their job, they would go directly to jail as would their friend."

"Hypothetically, how long would their sentence be?"

"For you, Shego, twenty years without chance of parole. Anyone else, I have no clue. I don't do the sentencing; I leave that to the judges," I thought a minute.

"What if, hypothetically, that the employee needed a favor. She'd get the friend out and then put her right back in her jail cell after the favor was fulfilled."

"Do you need help with something, Shego?"

"I thought we were being hypothetical," I said innocently. Betty laughed.

"I thought we were playing twenty questions."

Yes, long ago, I worked for Global Justice. Betty was short after the fiasco with the seniors (no, not the two wealthy villains, they were seniors in high school) and I needed some cash for a car, insurance, shopping sprees, bail bonds, etc. So, reluctantly, she added me on as a "temp". I've been a temp for a really long time, then. I think she secretly likes me, but doesn't want to admit it 'cause we have too much fun fighting. Usually I'm out and about, gathering information without getting caught (Betty refuses to call it spying), but lately I've been working for security. Sure, you blow up one nuclear power plant in the middle of the desert and you get stuck staring at black-and-white images all day. If you know the layout of GJ, then you'd know that Betty's desk overlooks the security area.

All in all, it's an okay after school gig. Better than flipping burgers, anyway.

"Do you have any scientists that know how to put trucks together?" I asked, seeing someone move down the hallways. I remained calm, hoping Betty wouldn't notice my sudden interest in the monitors.

"Hypothetically or literally?" I turned around and glared at her. She smiled at me. She had both eyes back then, and Shelldon never lost an eye (he likes one-upping Betty like most siblings). But we'll get to that story later, "Hypothetically, it would be nice. Literally, no."

"You don't have a single person who could build a car?!"

"When are we ever going to need someone to build a car from scratch?"

"When your number one employee needs one so she doesn't get run over all the time," Betty squinted at me.

"Is that how you got that massive bump on your head?" The radio on the desk crackled to life.

"Guard to security, guard to security," I sighed and pressed down the button.

"I'm here. What's up?"

"We have an intruder. Black hair, purple eyes, average height, Caucasion, female-"

"Chill out, it's just Chloe. Send her in," There was a long pause, "You zapped her unconscious didn't you?"

"We will revive her ASAP," I rolled my eyes. That's one of the things on my long Why-I-hate-GJ list; Zap now, ask questions later.

War Hawk came in a few minutes later surrounded by GJ hit men, looking scared out of her mind. I laughed and rolled my eyes. It did not ease her anxiety any.

"We found this on her," One of the guard hit men people walked up to Betty, presenting two white styrofoam boxes.

"Have we examined it?"

"No," Betty put on a pair of gloves, one of those masks dentists and doctors wear, and a pair of tweasers. She opened the box carefully, "Did you mean to poison one of us?" Chloe shook her head.

"No, no ma'am. I came straight here, I didn't do anything to it, honest. Unless it's got e. coli..."

"What is it?" I asked. Betty opened the lid more.

"It appears to be teriyaki," I groaned.

"Are you serious? She brings me dinner and you guys think she's trying to kill me? We're not _that_ much of enemies," I went up to her desk and took the boxes, "You, hit men, shoo. I'll call you if she pulls out an Uzi or something," They looked to Betty and she nodded. War Hawk eased slightly when they left.

"If I have to go through all this just to bring you dinner...I wonder what you have to go through at the FBI agency," she came and sat on the desk, "It's from that Chinese take-out place you like."

"Oh, Chloe, you are the best!" She smiled sheepishly.

"No. I came because I felt guilty about yesterday," she admitted. I laughed.

"This will be apology number what? One hundred seventy two? It's fine; I passed," Her eyes widened.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I sighed.

"What's the point when your mother suddenly decides to teach you a life lesson and tears apart the car she says is yours, if it is mine," I muttered, suddenly realizing that was a very real possibility. She winced.

"Harsh. I'm sure Golden Arrow could put it back together no sweat," I gave her a now's-not-the-time look, "So, you started thinking about who you're going to take to Sadie Hawkins yet?" I shook my head.

"I think last year scarred me for life. I did wonder why Tigress hadn't tried to take my date from me," I mused, "Did we get any chopsticks?"

"Yeah," she pulled them out from seemingly nowhere, "Come on, Shego, you've got to go. It just won't be fun without you."

"Only if you ask someone," War Hawk blushed deep red.

"No, I don't like anyone right now," she murmured shyly. No one except for Hego, but she was too afraid he'd slam her. Though I've hinted at least a thousand times to him to ask her out. Then again, I could always bring up his date with Tigress...

"We're getting a foreign exchange student. Maybe you could ask him."

"How do you know that?"

"Mom."

If there's one thing worse than having a supervillain for a parent, it's them being the principal of your school. Where most kids consider a haven from their parents, I consider it a minefield. No detention, no bad grade, no absence slips past Mom. But it has its ups; gossip like this hits me before anyone else (even the teachers) and every loophole in the school system is available to me.

&&&

"Dr. Lipsky?"

"Yeah, Shego?"

"You know anyone who can build a car?" He looked a bit surprised; probably 'cause building cars has little to no relevance to ATP and cell respiration. He grinned, leaning back in his chair.

"Actually, I have a cousin who's a mechanic."

"Really? Could you hook me up?"

"I never speak to him, don't even know where he's living now. He's...not all there," he worded carefully.

"Neither are you. Please, Dr. Lipsky, I'm desperate," I admitted. Nowadays I'd die before admitting that to Dr. D.

"Well, I do know a thing or two about cars. Maybe I could help," he offered.

"You know how to build one from scratch?"

"Do you have all the parts?" Listen to us, we were sounding like a bad drug dealing movie. "You got the money?" "Yeah, you got the stuff?"

"I think so."

"When would it be best for me to come over?"

"After school today," he looked at me dubiously.

"You sure your mother's okay with this?"

"Yeah, I already asked her about it. She says it's cool," I lied. Mom said she'd be working late, anyway.

"Do you mind riding in the car with me?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"No, unless you violate me or something."

I've always been comfortable around Drakken. He's like that one guy friend you can always rely on; he's never been too close or too far in our relationship. I also had him last year for science. Maybe that's why I said it was okay; because I knew he wasn't that kind of guy. But still, looking back, I should have generally been more cautious about him.

&&&

"You did it," I said, shocked. There, before me, assembled in about four hours, was my first car. Well, it was a truck, a pretty new Toyota with little mileage and did good in the miles per gallon area. Actually, I didn't give a crap about all this but Dr. Lipsky said it was good.

"Of course I did. I told you I'd help you, and I did," he said matter-of-factly, "Now, try it out," he ushered me to the driver's seat.

My heart raced. My first car. I was about to start it for the first time. I grinned, wanting to hug and thank Dr. Lipsky until his face turned blue. I found the key on the seat and picked it up. My hand shook from excitement as I put it into the ignition and turned it. The truck started and then a rushing sound.

"Shego, get out!" Dr. Lipsky yelled. Without thinking, I got out.

"What's wrong?"

"There's a fire," he nodded towards the popped up hood, unbuttoning his shirt. I looked away, my face getting hot, "It's nothing big; my shirt should smother it."

It is easy to see where everything went wrong in hindsight, but at that point in time we had no clue what had gone wrong. Drakken had gotten some gasoline over the parts where the chemical reactions or something go off (I still don't get cars that well), which was what caused the fire. Now, if I wasn't completely embarrassed about seeing my teacher with his shirt off, I would've pointed out the fact that his cotton shirt had oil and grease all over it.

Dr. Lipsky cursed as the fire doubled immediately, covering the interior of the hood. He started hopping around, screeching. And then I realized his pants were on fire.

I didn't think about telling him to stop, drop, and roll. I figured, hey, he's on fire, maybe I should do something more direct. I reached for his rear end and, as he undid the front, I pulled down his pants. He stomped on his pants, but it was too late. Those Levis were a casualty of failure.

"Do you have a fire extinguisher?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll go get it," I said, covering my eyes as I ran. It was too late. I had seen his rear and his upper body, thankfully nothing more. It was not what I expected; he looked like a lanky guy. But, underneath, he had some muscle. I was hating myself for thinking this way, he was my teacher for goodness sakes, but even I couldn't deny...he had the finest hindquarters of any man I had and have ever seen.

I grabbed the fire extinguisher, now as red as the metallic container, and headed back for the garage. I heard the door open and shut.

"Hey, Shego. Why do you have the fire extinguisher?" Mom asked suspiciously.

"Cartroublemomnothingtoworryabout," I said in one breath. She shrugged, this must've been an acceptable excuse in her eyes, and went to the kitchen to get a drink.

Just when I thought I was out of the doghouse, I heard Mego running towards us.

"Mom! There's a man in his underwear in the garage!" He yelled.

"A man in his what where?!" Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. My heart started banging against my rib cage. She was going to see Dr. Lipsky, bearing all, in the garage. I would be grounded forever, not to mention trying to explain why he was underdressed...

We got to the garage. The fire was still blazing, but Dr. Lipsky was no where to be seen. Not even his inferno pants or shirt.

"He was right here!" Mego insisted. Mom looked around the garage.

"Honey, have you been in Mommy's medicine cabinet?"

"No, he was here, honest!" Mego exclaimed.

"I was here and I didn't see a naked man," I said. Well, I had been here and he hadn't been completely naked. Mom sighed.

"Put it out, Shego. Mego, we're going to go call up the family therapist."

That night, I had horrible nightmares about Dr. Lipsky running through Washington D.C. in his tidey whites singing the barbie girl song and dancing with Rosie O'Donnell. To this day, I have no clue how he snuck out without Mom or anyone else catching him. To this day, we tease Mego about "seeing things". And to this day, neither Drakken nor I talk about that day when I became, er, very comfortable around him.

&&&&&

Hee, hee, Drakken's a briefs guy. I'm starting to wonder if I need to make this T because of cartoon underwearity. Anyway, please review.


	4. Lessons from Mom and Jesus

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents, because apparently Disney didn't deem it necessary to give Shego parents in the series.

"Come on, Shego. Today's your freebie," Tigress taunted me. I glanced at her behind the wheel.

"I don't believe you."

"Come on!" A guy behind Tigress yelled.

"I'm just being generous. You got your license the other day," I narrowed my eyes.

"How would you know that?"

"I've got sources. Don't you want to take advantage of my generosity?" While she was talking, I went for it. Her car had a terrific 0 to 30 time.

I staggered away, leaving my pride plastered to her windshield like a bug.

Why did she have to be like that? I mean, I was on good terms with everyone else I fought against. She couldn't still be ticked that I stole her cookie back in pre-k, but that's the only thing I could think of when I was the antagonist. Well, once I figured out my truck, then maybe she'd stop running me over.

I was glancing around for my friends when I saw him. He was glancing around frantically, clutching his textbooks to his chest. He was of Spanish descent (don't call me racist; I'm just stating the facts), with dark brown skin and black hair. I hadn't seen him around before and he was really cute.

"Go back to your own country!" I heard a jock yell at him, shoving him to the ground. He walked away laughing with his friends. On hero instincts, I was on my knees helping him gather his things.

"Gracias," he said gratefully.

"De nada," I teased. He looked into my eyes. His were chocolate brown and gorgeous. He looked excited.

"Perdon, tu sabes esta el clase de matematicas?" He asked. In translation; excuse me do you know where the math class is? I took his schedule.

"Ay, Senor Powell, que lastima! Dobla a la derecha," I pointed down the hall and to the right, "y camina a la derecho hasta numero 206," Oh, Mr. Powell, what a shame! Turn right and walk straight until number 206.

"Mucho gracias! Cual es tu nombre?" Much thanks, what is your name?

"Soy Shego. Y tu?" I'm Shego, and you? The bell rang before he could answer.

"Perdon," he said again, pointing at the papers of his I had. I laughed and glanced down before he took them.

My heart pounded in my chest. His name was Jesus.

&&&

"Lookee there!" Mischief cried in a southern accent, looking at a poster near our lunch table.

"Sound of Music play, sounds interesting. You should try out, Shego," War Hawk encouraged.

"Come on, everyone knows Mischief's going to get the main role," I made an excuse. Mischief grinned, but was quick to say in a supportive, motherly voice.

"There's always supporting roles."

"Shego, to the principal's office, Shego," The intercom crackled to life, cutting the conversation thankfully short.

"Ohhh, Shego's in trouble," Metaphor teased. I hit her in the back of the head.

"I'll be right back, guys, this shouldn't take long," I promised. I walked by Hego's lunch group.

"Sounds like someone found the person who shut down the system during electronic testing," Hego sing-songed. I glared at him.

"The story is _Electronique_ shut down the system during electronic test, right?" I hissed. He shrugged.

"All I'm saying is the principal _knows_ things," I snorted.

"Please, me and the principal are like this," I crossed my fingers. I did have some news for the principal, anyway.

I walked down the hallway and into the office without a second look. I was usually in here once a week at the least. I was the "troublemaker", or so they thought. Ms. Ogden looked up from her bookkeeping.

"Hello, Shego. She's waiting for you," she grumbled. I tipped my imaginary hat and walked into the office.

"And you said I'd never amount to anything," I laughed, entering the principal's office. Mom was sitting behind a desk with a name plate stating "Mrs. Go", unrolling a Subway sandwich.

"What great achievement did you accomplish today? Put your shoes on the right feet? Remembered to put your name on your test?" Mom said sarcastically.

"Better, though I did do those things as well. I helped Jesus today," I pulled up a chair. Mom gave me half of the sandwich.

"God's one and only son?" Mom asked dubiously. I nodded.

"It said so on his papers. You know what this means, don't you?"

"Enlighten me."

"It means I have an "in" with Our Lord and Savior. So when Rapture time rolls around, He's going to be up there with God and he's going to say, "Shego helped me when I needed help. I think she should be with Us."

"Shego..."

"You know, I never really pictured Jesus as Hispanic, but now I'm glad I took Spanish I."

"Shego!"

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't Jesus," I looked at her confused.

"But, on the papers..."

"In Hispanic culture, Jesus is a common name. But it's not pronounced like Jesus; it's pronounced "hey-zeus", like you're saying hi to a Roman god," I looked away.

"Oh."

"If it helps, he is a new student from Spain, so that's your good deed for today," Mom patted me on the shoulder. I glared at her.

"You're loving this, aren't you?"

"On the inside, I'm laughing hysterically at your cultural mistake, but right now I'm trying to be an understanding parent," She was probably taking parenting classes again (she failed the first time to me and my brothers' amusement).

She propped her legs gracefully on her desk.

"We should go out tonight, just you and me. A girl's night out," Oh great. I knew exactly what she meant by "girl's night out".

&&&

"Well, this is certainly something I can put on my resume. Skills: computer savvy, legible handwriting...thievery," I muttered, grabbing a stick of gum off the cashier's counter.

"Shut up, Shego, we're bonding," Mom hissed. I rolled my eyes. My idea of bonding; going to a movie, shop around the mall, have a nice dinner during which we have a heartfelt discussion, maybe delve into her past or my questions. My mom's idea of bonding; teaching me how to steal, kidnap, and otherwise be her successor in her role as crime lordess.

I don't wish that my family was normal. I just wish my parents would have legal activities.

"First thing every villain needs?" She quizzed me as we walked nonchalantly through the sporting goods store as though it was open. Mom had tried to teach me how to undo the security system, but I had been talking to War Hawk on my cellphone and not paying attention.

"A base of operations," I said, unwrapping the gum. Mom shook her head.

"You're a nomad, never stay in one place for too long."

"A plot?" I asked, popping the gum in my mouth.

"That's Phase 2," Phases? What was up with villains and phases? I followed her to where the grappling hooks were, "Why are we here, Shego?"

"Because you dragged us here?"

"Tools, Shego, step one is basic tools!" I sighed.

"Don't we already have all this crap?"

"That's not the point, Shego. The point is to give you experience, something you can't just buy," she glanced over at me hooking my cheek like I was a fish. I smiled.

She smacked me in the back of the head, cutting my inner cheek.

"Ow!" I yelped.

"Eyes wide, Shego, especially to people who can hurt you," she muttered, examining a Swiss army knife, "Would it kill you to show some ethusiasm for my passion?"

"Mom, I'm not going to be a villain as long as Hego has a say. This is never going to be relevant to me," Little did I know... Mom sighed.

"'Kay, then, let's act like our family's the Go City mafia. You are born into it, therefore you have no choice. I brought you into this world, Shego. A little gratitude would be nice. Think that's it for this store..." She shot up into the skylight we had entered through. I was probably going to get caught for this, hauled off to juvie, share a cell with Golden Arrow...

That was it! If I couldn't break into jail to get Golden Arrow, then I would break out of it with her. I hit the silent alarm.

"Still in there, wounded tortoise?" Mom called.

"Yeah, just a minute, I, um, saw something really cool."

"It's not like we have a roast in the oven or something to get back to," Mom muttered.

I idled around, examining the guns, testing each one out.

"Woun-ded tor-toise," Mom sang.

"I'm having a hard time deciding," I whined.

"We can come back; I have to put the twins to bed soon," she said, glancing at her watch.

And then, the sirens sounded.

In a few minutes, I had my hands up in the air, at gunpoint...and quite a few open-mouthed cops.

&&&

"I know how you think, Shego. You don't think I do, but I do," Betty said right off the bat. I felt loved as, instead of my mother, the head of GJ came to bail me out, "You're the one who set off the silent alarm, hoping for a free ride to juvie to bust your friend out. Well, you aren't getting it."

"Don't I need to be punished?" I asked, leaning back in my chair in the interrogation room. Only place to talk without a sheet of glass between us.

"Yes. You're going back to that store tomorrow, when the owner is there, return the items you stole and apologize to him face to face," I doubted he wanted the gum...

"It is kind of scary how you get into my mind like that," I commented. She smirked.

"I have an evil twin. I need to know how minds work unless I want to be outsmarted," she straightened up, "However, I do have a way you can free your friend," I leaned forward.

"I'm listening."

"Sheldon and I are assembling baseball teams. If you and whatever team you create wins, I'm sure I can find a loophole, get your comrade off the hook," I grinned.

"Sounds like a bet," I said. This was going to be easy.

&&&&&

Yeah, the Spanish grammar is horrible, but I don't know how to make accents and upside-down question marks/exclamation marks with Wordpad. I've been spending the past month trying to figure it out (Google translator occasionally misspells and my Flypen hates my handwriting), so for you analyzers DO NOT COMMENT ON THE SPANISH GRAMMER OR I'LL SEND TIGRESS TO SLIT YOUR THROAT. Please review.


	5. Mischief's Demand anda Skewer in the eye

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

I brought the baseball thing up, naturally, to my friends. They all kind of looked at me like I was sniffing markers.

"GJ would never let someone off the hook like that," Metaphor stated.

"Well, would Betty lie to me?" I asked. They all glanced away, "Come on, you guys, this is Goldie we're talking about."

"This is also GJ we're talking about. I just escaped from juvie," War Hawk said tentatively. I sighed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I'm not saying I'm not up for it, Golden Arrow and you are like sisters to me, I'm just saying we'd have to be careful and keep Betty to her word," War Hawk explained. I nodded. Betty was one of the few people I could trust to keep her word, and that was really saying something for me.

"Love the girl, not sure if I'm willing to risk it. I mean, there are other ways besides baseball games," Metaphor pointed out.

"Legal ways? Come on; you and I both know we can kick some serious henchmen butt," They pursed their lips.

"I'll do it," Mischief chirped like Tommy Pickles. I brightened.

"Really?"

"Under one condition," her voice changed to Angelica Pickles. She pointed over to the Sound of Music audition sheet.

"Oh, come on!" I begged her. She cocked an eyebrow. I sighed, "Fine, I'll try out," Not that I was going to get a part anyway. We had drama geeks coming out our ears at Go City High, and a hundred better singers than me.

"If Missy gets something, so should the rest of us," Metaphor said.

"That mean the rest of you are going to help me out?" I asked.

"Like we're going to leave you out at the diamond to face WWEE alone," War Hawk said.

"We're not _that_ heartless," Metaphor laughed. I shrugged.

"So, you all get an IOU, and it CAN NOT be cashed in for letting you rule the world. We still need more people, I mean there's one, two, three, four of us here, and a team is generally nine..." Just then, Tigress walked by.

"Should I?" I asked them.

"Don't waste your breath," War Hawk suggested.

"So, what are you trying out for?" Metaphor asked me. We were waiting in line for our turn to sing in front of the judges. Well, actually I guess they weren't judges, but it sure felt like that. Especially after the amazing performance Mischief gave; Julie Andrews herself wasn't a better Maria. Not that it was to anyone's surprise, but I still hated her for it.

"Liesel, you?" I asked.

"Everyone, but I was actually asking your brothers," Metaphor pointed behind me. I whirled around.

Hego and Mego acted like they hadn't been standing in line behind me. They looked at me, feigning surprise.

"Well, hey, Shego."

"Small world."

"What are you two doing here?" Mego sighed.

"The therapist says that enrolling in extracurricular activities may help busy my imagination," he glared at me. I looked innocently back at him.

"Who _wouldn't_ want to be in the Sound of Music? That is, like, the best musical ever," Mego, Metaphor and I all looked at Hego. He cleared his throat, "I mean, I wanna kiss a girl. Yeah."

I will not be surprised if one of these days one or more of my brothers come out of the closet.

"Next!" They called. Metaphor walked up to the stage and auditioned. She was amazing. Way better than I was. Oh crap, now I was feeling nervous. Really nervous. Why did I ever agree to this?

"Next!" I nervously went up on stage.

"Name?" A man asked me

"Shego."

"What role?"

"Liesel VonTrapp."

"And what will you be singing?"

"The only song I know, the one about the kittens and the rain and all that good stuff," I took a deep breath, "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...snowflakes that stay on my nose and my lashes. Bright paper packages tied up in strings, these are a few of my favorite things. When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad."

They nodded and wrote some things down.

"Next!" They called. I ran out of there, hands on my ears. I didn't know how well Hego could sing, and I was sure I didn't want to know.

Will Du and I were both checking in for our shift at the same time. If you don't know him, I hope you never do. I guess he's not _that _bad, but he is still a jerk.

"Ready for the baseball game?" He asked.

"How do you know about that?" I asked, punching my time card.

"Who doesn't?" He punched his.

"I'm still trying to get a full team together. So far, no one's really volunteering..." He snickered, "What?"

"Nothing."

"Will!"

"Apparently she didn't tell you when the game will be held."

"No, I just assumed she'd wait until I had a team at least," We passed by the Employee of the Month wall. Guess whose picture was under every month?

Well, it sure as heck wasn't me.

"She's scheduled the game for 1700 hour at the Go City recreational park, today. I plan to attend; seeing you getting your butt kicked will be well worth the wasted time," he commented, going off to the briefing room.

I growled. Somebody needed to show that boy up...and tell him that GJ didn't operate on military time.

"Another reason why I hate GJ; no wait time. They just say, "Hey, let's do this now instead of giving adequate warning to the other party. They won't mind"," Metaphor went off as we walked towards the ball park.

"I didn't even have enough time to make team outfits," Mischief whined, sounding like Sid from Toy Story.

"Shego, how are we going to pull this off? There's only four of us," War Hawk murmured in my ear.

"Easy. You'll be pitcher, Mischief will be catcher, Metaphor will play first base, and I third base. The rest are extra positions," I assured her. She glanced at me, but didn't bother questioning me again.

The other team were in outfits, I saw as we approached the baseball fields for Go City Park. GJ outfits, strangely. They were big, bulky henchmen nearly twice my size. And there, perched on the pitcher's mound like a smug athlete, was Will Du. He smirked at me and it was all I could do not to blast him.

Shelldon groaned.

"Oh, grow up, Shelldon. I told you to pick your own team," Betty hissed.

"But I didn't know that you would pick some half-witted _girls_ for my team. What happened to honor?"

"I could ask you the same question," she muttered. She walked over to us, a grin on her face.

"Told you to pick your own team? Half-witted girls? Betty, is there any chance we're the ones playing for Shelldon?" I asked.

"Like I would trust you to be on my team," she scoffed. My mouth fell open. I felt like she had just slapped me across the face. Wha, what? She didn't trust me to lead her to victory?

Betty looked proudly at her team.

"Pull this off and I'll throw in your icy friend," she snickered.

Mischief wandered up, gnawing at some kind of meat on a stick.

"Omg, I just found the cooliest vendor ever over there, Almost Everything On a Skewer," Mischief was talking like a hyper prep. She offered the stick to Metaphor, "Alligator?"

"Ew, no!"

"So, what's a goin' on?" She asked in an Italian accent.

"We're batting for the other team, apparently," War Hawk said. Mischief burst out laughing.

"Oh, grow up!" I said exasperantly, though on the inside I admitted that was kind of funny. You know, if I wasn't so furious at Betty.

By the bottom of the ninth, no one had scored a run. However, my girls were wiped out. Nine against four with relievers for the other team weren't exactly fair odds. Actually, I was amazed we had managed this long.

I had called a time out. Betty was driving into her team's head the fact that they only needed one more out to beat us. I could hear this from my dugout because she was screaming it. And what of the fearless WWEE leader? He had been sulking in a corner the entire game. You can imagine how much respect I have for Gemini...

Apparently everyone else decided to go get something on a stick. They were sitting there gnawing away at their sticks, completely unconcerned with the end of the game approaching.

"Guys, we're batting with two outs against us and you're _eating_?" They glanced down at their food as though just realizing it was there.

"We're refueling," Mischief informed me, sounding like a corporate executive.

"You're up to bat next anyway," Metaphor pointed out. I shrugged.

"I guess."

"I brought you some chocolate covered strawberries on a stick," War Hawk said.

"See? Now that's what a team does; they think of each other."

"I think the time out's over, Coach Go," Metaphor pointed and I looked over. Sure enough, Team GJ was back in their positions. I took the bat and put on the helmet.

Will grinned at me condescendingly from the pitcher's mound. Oh, that smug look he gave me everytime he looked at me, like I wasn't good enough to so much as breathe his air! Well, I'll breathe all of his air until all he's got left is an empty vaccumm of space!

The first pitch went past. I didn't swing.

"Strike one!" The umpire (I think his name was Bill) called a little too joyfully, throwing it back to Will.

"You have a lot of bark, but I haven't seen your bite," he caught it, "This whole game now rests on your shoulders. Whether evil triumphs over good..." He wound up and pitched it to me.

Shelldon started to cry. Betty was grinning. My team was screaming at me.

"THAT WAS PERFECT! WHY'D YOU LET IT GO?!"

"Strike two!" Bill threw it back to Will. Will caught it.

"Nah. We all know good _always_ triumphs over evil, because there are people like you batting for evil. Thankfully, there's people like me," That did it.

The ball whizzed through the air at Major League Baseball speed. I swung my bat as hard as I could, aiming for his testicles.

And like every good cliche baseball/Princess Diaries movie, he wasn't wearing a cup.

He let out a high pitch scream as he crumpled to the ground. I threw the bat down and raced for first, and then went on to second. The problem was that someone took the initiative to run up and get the ball. I noticed that as I went on to third, where someone was waiting with a ball. No way, no way was I loosing to the likes of them.

I kicked him in the shin. The pain distracted him long enough so that I made it to third base. They screamed at me to stay, but you know me. I have to do the exact opposite of what people tell me to do.

I didn't look around to see where the ball was. I just kept running as hard and as fast as I could. But then I saw the ball flying through the air towards Bill. And I dove for it.

Okay, so slow motion is just something you see in the movies. But it sure felt like I was in it as I closed my eyes and waited for impact. For hours. But I finally hit and opened my eyes, eager to see the excited faces of my teammates.

Instead, they were screaming hysterically at me, motioning me back. I glanced behind. I had overshot the base.

Now, I don't know what happened, whether Bill accidentally or on purpose dropped the ball, but it gave me enough time to army crawl back to home plate and score a run. This boosted our morale through the roof.

Metaphor went up to bat and morphed into a gorilla. As everyone knows, you don't try to stop a gorilla from scoring. Another run. War Hawk was next, flitting from base to base with her wings, landing just long enough to touch base. Another run. Mischief was up next. She struck out. The game was over, 3 to 0. Nada. Zilch. Cero.

As girls have a tendency of doing, we celebrated by gathering in a tight circle, talking rapidly in high pitched squeals and jumping up and down excitedly.

"Shego, you did it! You actually pulled this off!" Metaphor said while laughing.

"No, we did it. You think I could have done this myself?" War Hawk groaned.

"You're starting to sound like Hego, with the whole team thing," she teased.

"I say Shego takes us out for ice cream to celebrate," Mischief suggested like Oprah.

"Yeah. These chocolate covered strawberries on a stick just didn't hit the spot," I had seen the trash can behind me, so I threw the stick behind me. Hard.

I heard a scream and whirled around. Betty had come to do the honorable thing and congratulate me. However, she had not warned me that she was standing behind me.

The result? She was gushing blood everywhere, the majority of a skewer driven into her eye and brain.

"I am so going to loose my job for this," I muttered to Hego. Even with the director of Global Justice going to the emergency room, the girls had forced me to take them out for ice cream. Then Hego calls and says, "Hey, you need to come home for dinner" and I say, "Sorry, can't, my villainess friends are holding me hostage" and he says, "Fine, I'll be right there. Just don't tell Mom I'm driving without a licensed driver in the car".

One unnecessary physical fight between Hego and my friends at the local Dairy Queen later, I was spilling my guts out to him about the whole baseball game and stabbing my boss in the eye unintentionally.

Hego laughed.

"Loose your job? I'd be more concerned on whether I was on the FBI's Most Wanted list for attempted assassination of a...whatever she is."

"It was an accident. I was throwing it away and she was standing behind me."

"Sure. And what are the chances of you "throwing" it behind you so hard it is driven through her eye and into her brain?"

"Apparently freakin' good enough. Do you think that would be enough to actually kill her?"

"I'll keep an eye on the obituaries for you," he pulled into the driveway.

We walked in the front door and Mom burst out laughing at the sight of us. This was never a good sign. We glanced down self-consciously.

"I didn't get a role," Mego announced, trying not to sound as pleased as he looked.

"How would you know that already? The cast sheet won't be up for a couple days," Hego asked. Mego pointed at Mom.

"You know, I knew our drama department had a sense of humor. But a sense of irony?" Mom cracked up.

"Did I get in?" Hego asked eagerly.

"Oh, you got in. You and Shego both," Mom wrapped an arm around me.

"OH HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE SHE-GO?! HOW DO YOU TAKE A CLOUD AND PIN IT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN?!" I groaned.

"Mom, can you please stop singing musical songs at the top of your lungs? War Hawk _can_ tap into our security cameras..."

"AND HOW DO YOU MAKE HER STAY AND LISTEN TO ALL YOU SAY?!"

"Mom..."

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW DO YOU HOLD A MOONBEAM IN YOUR HAND?! Okay, I'm done."

"Are you trying to tell me I got the part of Frauline Maria?" Mom snorted.

"With Mischief trying out? Love you, honey, but you don't have trillions of voices to choose from," she patted me on the back, "Better start going to mass, Mother, or you'll loose your robes."

"I'm a nun?!" I squeaked. Hego and Mego cracked up as Mom nodded.

"Not just a nun, the head nun. The one that tells Maria to climb every mountain," Mom snickered, "You wouldn't last a week in a nunnery."

"Got that right," I muttered. It was bad enough that I had made it, but as the head _nun_. The villainesses were going to die laughing when the list came up.

Mom patted Hego on the back.

"And my son. My Honor Roll, perfect attendence, class president, keeper of justice superhero son... You are Rolfe," Hego shrugged.

"I don't see anything wrong with that," Yeah, he'd probably like smacking lips with a complete stranger playing Liesel.

Mom smirked.

"Did you not pay attention during the second half, when it went into politics? Rolfe is a...is a..." Mom doubled over, tears spilling from her eyes, "HE'S A FLIPPING NAZI!" I burst into laughter. Not even I could picture Hego saluting the leader of one of the biggest genocides in history.

"Better practice your "Heil Hitler"'s, Hego," I teased, jabbing him in the ribs.

"Better go say your prayers, Mother," he grumbled.

Wow, it's been an extremely long time since I've updated, partially because I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the baseball scene (I know it well enough, but not too well). But mostly because I have found a new addiction: the anime/manga Hellsing! (gets a silly grin on her face thinking about AxI) One of these days I should do a crossover. Alucard and Shego would be such a cute couple, and Integra with Drakken would just be frickin' hilarious. (starts daydreaming about Father Anderson) Anyway, that's my excuse. Review and you will be sent good vibes.


	6. Bad news for the truck and War Hawk

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

"I don't want to know. Don't want to know how you persuaded GJ to let us go, don't want to know why Dr. Director's in the hospital..."

"She's alive?!" Golden Arrow glanced at me, arching an eyebrow. I sunk a little in the passenger's seat.

War Hawk had picked Golden Arrow up from jail and then me from another one of Electronique's exploits (something about a virus and the internet and paying her an incredible sum of money and destroying Team Go, I was only half listening). This probably meant I'd have to go fly the jet back to her lair and save my brother's butts again.

She pulled up to my house and we all got out and went to the garage. Golden Arrow glanced over the truck.

"Did you set it on fire?" She asked, staring at the scorched seats.

"Not on purpose. I told you what happened with Dr. Lipsky, didn't I?" Golden Arrow shook her head. War Hawk giggled.

"You could say she has the "hots" for him," she said. I rolled my eyes. Villains and bad puns went together like idiots and stupidity.

Golden Arrow let out a low whistle as she popped the hood.

"How bad is it?" I asked.

"Congratulations, Shego, you have successfully melted most of the wires, not to mention toasted your engine," Golden Arrow shook her head, laughing, "Only you could do so much damage just by catching it on fire, and one can only guess as to how you managed to pull that off without even driving the thing."

"What now?" War Hawk asked. Golden Arrow pursed her lips.

"Well, there's too many parts that are unharmed to make me tell you to trash it, but this is going to be expensive. Five grand at the least."

"Five grand?! Where the heck am I going to get five grand?!"

"And that's not including the interior," she grinned, "Well, there's always the obvious."

"I'm not asking my parents for money," I said firmly. Golden Arrow sighed.

"I mean steal the money, or the parts. Whichever's easier," I shook my head.

"Nope, not gonna do it."

"You're just chicken," War Hawk insisted.

"Look who's talking, Tweety. There's a lot of flaws in this plan. One, I work for GJ, who won't so much as interview you if you have a criminal background. Two, if I use the stolen money to buy the parts, or mess up while I'm pulling the heist, I'll go to juvie. Three, how am I going to explain how I suddenly got the parts for my car?" I was interrupted by the sounds of barking and yelling.

"MOM! MOM! YOU'RE HOME EARLY! COME ON! I CAN SMELL YOU IN THERE! LET ME IN, MOM!" The toes of two black paws scratched under the door, followed by a black nose with the start of a white muzzle.

I can't believe I haven't mentioned my baby yet. Well, I guess so far I haven't been home enough for her to come in, or she's been crated. Mom can't stand it when I have my baby out and I'm not home, because she'll sit there at the front door and whine the entire time. Or she'd go totally crazy. She's a really hyper thing.

I opened the door and Go-go came in. She was a tall blue-eyed Siberian husky, who had a blotch of black that looked like a hoodie on her back and head, and black paws, and the tip of her tail was also black. The rest of her was white. I wrapped my arms around her as she wagged her tail hard enough to catch herself off balance and fall over.

"I'm sorry, baby. Mommy's been busy."

"Yeah, I figured. Theygo's been being mean again, locking me up with the other dogs. They're so boring and gross, I mean, they spend a ridiculous amount of time just licking their crotch. Or they're sleeping. They sleep, like, all the time. She won't even let me watch TV."

Oh, and we rescued Go-go (aka: Specimen 112987345) from an illegal research facility who had been experimenting on animals when she was a puppy. Imagine my shock as I'm cuddling this adorable, three-week-old puppy and she looks up to me and states, "Mommy, I 'ungry".

She hasn't shut up since.

"Hey, Go-go," War Hawk and Golden Arrow came over and started petting her. She flipped onto her back, her eyes half closed in enjoyment.

"Hola, mi amigas. Que tal?"

"Nada," Golden Arrow laughed. Yeah, it's cute when your pet speaks in seven different languages the first couple times, but once she starts in one language, she'll go an entire conversation in that language like it's her native tongue and then you're lost.

Luckily, she felt like speaking in English.

"Let's go play," she begged, scratching at my lap.

"Sorry, Mommy can't right now. I have to first go save my brothers, second figure out how to come up with a large sum of money-"

"I already told you what you need to do."

"Shut up, Goldie. Third, figure out how to get out of that stupid musical."

"How do you already know you're in it?" War Hawk asked. I jerked my thumb back.

"Mrs. McCluskey snooped in the drama department," I scratched Go-go behind her ear, "So, you think Electronique's vaporized them by now?"

"Get real, Shego, that girl can monologue for days. Trust me; I got a cell with her one time and she didn't shut up the entire time. She talks in her sleep, even," Golden Arrow groaned. I sighed.

"I can hope," We stood up.

"Hey, where you guys going? I want to go, too," Go-go whined.

"Sorry, baby, but you'll only get in the way. We'll be right back."

"I WANT TO GO!" She barked. I swear, sometimes she acted like she was still a puppy.

I don't know how many other moms have this power, but mine always knows when I'm hanging out with my friends. It's like a radar or something because without fail, no matter where she is in the Go Tower, she'll find us and start-

"Hey, Artemis, Chloe," Mom materialized herself in front of us.

"Hello, Mrs. Go," They said in turn.

"What are you girls doing over?" She asked cheerily.

"Shego just asked me to look at her truck to do a damage check, you know, since it caught on fire," Golden Arrow said lightly.

"Again, it wasn't on purpose," I growled. I skirted Mom, "Anyway, we need to get going. Miss Mistress will be glad to hear that her hench girl's free as a bird," Mom's face fell.

"I was hoping they could stay for dinner. Speaking of food, where are the boys?"

"Yeah, uh, funny story about that, uh..."

"Shego ditched them for her friends," I glared at Go-go. Her ears went back and she glared at me in a serves-you-right-for-not-taking-me way.

"Shego Guinevere, what have I told you about leaving your brothers on a mission? You know they're not competent enough to fight a villain; they can barely remember to put pants on before going to school!"

"Mom, they're not that stupid. They're guys; it's in their blood to know how to fight," Mom sighed.

"You'd feel really bad if they got hurt or died and you were off goofing around."

Actually, I doubted I would, but bringing that up now wouldn't help my case.

"Can you girls stay for dinner?" She tried again.

"Sorry, Mrs. Go, but Shego's right. I need to go report to my boss."

"You were never my favorite, anyway," Mom turned to War Hawk, "What about you, Chloe?"

"I'd love to, but I need to call my dad first to fabricate some lie about whose lair I'm at and make sure it's okay."

"Well, you know where the phone is. Shego, be polite and escourt Artemis home. Oh, and then tell your numb skull brothers to finish up and hurry up home; dinner will be ready in a half hour."

War Hawk looked helplessly at me as I walked with Golden Arrow to the door, Go-go nudging her reassuringly. Because my mother has two other characteristics I'm sure aren't unique to just her; she feels an obligation to care for each of my friends as though they were her own to the point of smothering them. She also loves to drill them on their home life, their friends, their likes and dislikes, what's going on in school, how I was doing, etc.

So I was basically leaving War Hawk to the lioness. Don't think that I didn't feel bad about it, but I couldn't do anything to help her except for rejoice that it wasn't me.

&

"Why do you always get to fly the jet?" Mego whined.

"Because I'm the oldest and because I'm the only one certified to fly the jet."

"Only because you have connections with GJ," I pointed a finger back at Mego.

"Hey, be thankful we even have a jet. There are superheroes in Africa that have to walk to their missions."

"Why does Hego always get shot gun?" Wego 1 asked.

"It's seniority based," Hego responded.

"It's I'm-the-leader-so-I-sit-in-front-but-let-someone-else-do-the-flying based," I muttered.

"Hego's colorist; all the seats are blue," Wego 2 put in his two cents.

"The seats are gray," Hego objected.

"Bluish gray," Mego argued. We landed on the roof, which sucked us down into the hanger. Hopefully we weren't too late to save War Hawk from being interrogated to death.

She looked relieved when we walked into the dining room. Hego tensed.

"What's War Hawk doing here?" He snarled. War Hawk frowned.

"I'm off-duty, Hego. You can call me Chloe. I came over to help Shego and Golden Arrow with the truck and Mrs. Go invited me for dinner," Hego glared at Mom. She shrugged.

"It's her favorite; chicken alfredo."

"She's Avarius's daughter," Hego hissed.

"You still can't get over that? Come on; Shego and her have been best friends since they were in diapers. She's practically family," Mom stood up, "Twins, it's your turn to help set the table."

Looking back, it's kind of hilarious, Hego's interaction with War Hawk. He didn't really care one way or the other back when we were little; she was just "my sister's best friend". Then, once her father went into villainy and dragged her along into it, he hated her guts. Just treated her like she was dirt. On the other hand, War Hawk had treated Hego just as passively when we were younger. Then, once we started hitting eighth and ninth grade, she decided he wasn't that bad looking and he was kind of sweet in his own way.

"Where do I sit?" War Hawk asked.

"Oh, between a rock and a hard place, if you don't mind. Hego, Shego, make room for Chloe between you two."

"What?!" Hego snapped.

"Stop being such a boy. I'm sure she's had her cooties shots," Mom insisted.

Hego made a show of sitting as far away from Chloe as he could, ticking Mego off.

"Why don't you just sit in my lap?" He grumbled. War Hawk sighed exasperantly.

"You're acting like I've never been over before. See?" She pulled down her sleeves, "No weapons."

"I don't trust you," he stated.

"You want to do a body search?" I burst out laughing after her question. She glared at me, "You're such a pervert," she muttered.

Go-go rested her head in War Hawk's lap.

"Feed me," she demanded. War Hawk pushed her away.

"Go lay down, Go-go. You have your doggy food."

"That stuff's about as edible as my own poop, and I only eat that if I'm desperate. Or in a bet."

"She knows where to go for food," Mom commented, dishing herself after making sure everything was perfect.

"I don't feed Go-go people food," War Hawk objected. Go-go started laughing.

"Then what was last week at Cow 'N Chow?" I asked.

"We went through a drive-thru and she ordered! What was I supposed to do, throw her food away?" War Hawk glanced down. Go-go was still staring up at her with those sad doggy eyes, her head in her lap.

"Make it look like an accident. Mego does it with his broccli all the time," Hego glared at Mego.

"And everyone blames the gas on me," he said disgustedly.

&

That Friday, the lists for the roles were posted. Girls were clawing at the masses, so quick to feel disappointment.

Metaphor squealed happily.

"I'm playing Gretal!" She announced. Which caused several odd looks because Gretal was the cute four-year-old and well, pretty much only our friends group knew about her morphing abilities.

"And I am Frauline Maria!" Mischief declared. She squinted at the list, "I didn't see you at the auditions, Chloe."

"That's because I didn't try out."

"But it says right here you're Liesel VonTrapp," War Hawk pushed her way to the front.

"What? How is that possible?!" We all looked at Metaphor.

"You have a lovely singing voice, but you don't have the confidence to think you'd get in. So I thought if I tried out for you..."

"I have stage fright! Terrible stage fright! Like, I was a flying monkey for "The Wizard of Oz"...threw up on the Wicked Witch."

"That was a long time ago," Metaphor insisted.

"Yeah, because last spring is so far in the past," War Hawk hissed. She gasped, "And I have to kiss someone!" All of us grinned, "ooohhh"-ing and teasing her as we scooted away from the mass.

But Artica's words caught me off guard.

"I wonder who the lucky Rolfe is," she elbowed War Hawk in the ribs. I felt my heart beat quicken. My dream couple was finally getting hooked up.

I heard a loud, familiar moan.

"Noooo. No, no, no!"

"What's wrong, Hego?" One of Hego's guy friends asked.

"I have to kiss Chloe Barrock!" He spat out the name like it was acid.

"A junior? That's not so bad."

"She's pretty cute," Another guy friend added.

"I'd rather kiss any other girl than Chloe Barrock! No, I'd rather _die_ than so much as be in the same room as her," Shut up, Hego, shut up!

But it was too late. War Hawk's face twisted into confusion, then hurt, then sadness, and finally anger.

She ran off towards the girl's bathroom, wiping at her eyes. Hego hadn't even noticed she was there or was now running off. He just kept saying all the things he'd rather do than be with Chloe Barrock.

&

Wooh! Spring break! That means a lot of time, especially because I forgot to bring the other project I was working on for school with me. So I'm dedicating myself to my fanfics and cleaning out my computer's files and making Youtube videos. Because otherwise I'd be bored out of my ever-loving mind.


	7. More Bad News

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

"What have I done, Shego? I don't like playing these quiet treatment games!" Hego yelled. I turned off the jet and jumped out.

He jogged up beside me.

"You've been ignoring me all day, using Mego as a messenger. Just tell me what I did wrong?"

"Something pretty bad, if Shego's not talking to you."

"Shut up, Mego. No one asked for you opinion."

There was no need for being sneaky. War Hawk knew we were coming, and would tell Avarius, just like how she had told me what they were planning. It's a nice deal that works out as long as Avarius doesn't figure it out, and it's always a good mission when you can just walk in the front door, avoid the usual traps, let him think he's got us, let him say his prepared monologue, and then beat him. As routine as being a superhero can be.

"You know, you really hurt War Hawk's feelings yesterday and today. Yesterday was forgivable, just your normal stupidity and boyishness, but today...today was unforgivable," I hissed, twisting around the laser sensers.

"War Hawk? What does War Hawk have to do with you ignoring me?"

"It's the girl code. If someone hurts one of the members of the group, the whole group hates that person until the person asks for forgiveness from the said member of the group or the feud is forgotten and filed away, just in case it should be brought up again."

"Girls are weird," Wego 1 decided.

"They have too many rules," Wego 2 agreed.

"So, what did I do today? Snub her in the hall? Look at her funny?" I stopped and glared at him.

"You cannot be that stupid," he threw his hands in the air, passing through the sensers and causing an annoying alarm to go off.

"IF YOU'D JUST TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG, MAYBE I COULD FIX IT!" He yelled over the noise.

"YOU TOLD WAR HAWK YOU'D RATHER DIE THAN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS HER!" I screamed.

Sparrow-rangs flew out from the walls. I took most of them out for them, since blasting stuff and slashing stuff were my specialties. Busy with that, I failed to realize that War Hawk had joined us...with a croquet mallet and rage she had kept bottled up all day.

Hego screamed like a girl. I whirled around to see why, but only looked in time to see her swing the mallet as hard as she could at his head as he kneeled in the praying position. He fell to the ground, knocked out cold.

War Hawk looked at the handle of the mallet in her hand.

"FEEL BETTER?!" I asked. She nodded.

"YOUR BROTHER HAS A THICK SKULL!" She yelled. We laughed, and then stopped when Mego ran up behind her and a second round of Sparrow-rangs shot out.

To sum up a boring, unbloody fight scene, she knocked the remainder of my brothers out with the choquet mallet handle and then I helped her chain Hego and Mego to a conveyor belt before letting her chain me and the twins to the wall (there was usually segregation like that with my friends). Most sane people would not allow this to be happening. Most sane people didn't run around in costumes with their family and "fight crime", either.

"Shouldn't your dad be down by now?" I asked.

"He got a case of the stomach flu. I felt bad about cancelling, so I decided to go on and start the scheme anyway," I laughed.

"You just want revenge on Hego," she grinned sheepishly, "So why a croquet mallet?"

"Actually that wasn't planned. I was cleaning out the closet when the intruder alert went off and just grabbed it..." There were moans as they started coming to.

"My chimichangas..." Hego whimpered, his voice sounding a few octaves higher than usual. War Hawk's eyes went cold.

"Oh, grow up. I didn't hit them as hard as I could have," she shook her head, "Boys are so dramatic with that area. Hate to see what would happen if they got cramps," I laughed, nodding my agreement.

She went up to the control booth and pressed a few buttons. The conveyor belt started to move towards a grinding-type machine with really sharp blades.

"Um, Hego, now would be a good time to apologize to War Hawk," Mego said nervously.

"For what? I still don't get what I said wrong. All I said was that I'd rather die than be in the same room with her. We're kind of enemies, so that's kind of a typical thing to say."

"You know what? It doesn't matter if we're enemies or not, you still should have enough respect for me as a human being not to say those kind of things out loud," War Hawk shook her head, "I was right behind you when you said that," Hego's eyes widened.

"You were?"

"Yeah, and it makes me wonder what else you say about me behind my back," she cranked a knob and the conveyor belt moved faster.

"Why don't you just shut up before you get us killed?!" Mego yelled.

"You don't get the concept that this is just a job to me, a way to earn allowance. You carry your hero thing into all areas of your life, and you think all of us do the same. It doesn't matter who I am, I still have feelings."

Well, Hego wasn't getting the hint, and I think War Hawk wasn't going to let up on her revenge anytime soon. I broke the cuffs, fell over, broke my ankle cuffs and then ran up to the control booth.

"Give him a break. We all know he isn't the smart one of the Go Team," I twisted the knob...in the wrong direction. Aw, crap. I twisted the knob in the other direction and it slowed down.

"Oh, come on, Shego. Just let me decapitate him."

"No, War Hawk. I'd be grounded for life if I let you kill him. Just be glad you got to take a croquet mallet to his gonads. Now, how do you shut this thing off?"

"Explosively or non-explosively?"

"Well, I know the red button's explosively, it always is, but I'm debating on whether I want to blow it up. I mean, I know reconstruction is expensive, and that meat chopper thingy looks really expensive..."

"SHEGO!!" Hego screamed as the blades nipped at his head. War Hawk sighed, and pressed a button. The machine whirred to a stop.

He now had a buzz cut, but besides that and looking scared out of his mind, Hego was fine. I sighed.

"We should be having some kind of climatic fight right about now, shouldn't we?"

"I think so, but I don't really feel like it now that you told me I can't kill Hego."

"'Kay, so I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah...CURSE YOU TEAM GO!! Think that was loud enough?"

"Burst my ear drums, so yeah, I think your dad heard that."

Kim's stupid like that. I mean, if she pulled me aside and asked me to be friends, I'd say sure, tell her everytime Drakken was planning something. But no, she's like Hego. Round the clock hero. We waste a lot of time and energy that way.

&

Artica was trying her hardest to not let Hego in the building.

"They think they've found some asbestos or something, in the ceiling," she said. Hego looked at her skeptically.

"Wouldn't school be closed if that happened?" Artica shrugged.

"Well, they said that it was only a small amount. We're probably going to have classes outside today; how fun would that be?" She gave a fake grin. Hego exchanged glances with me, and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing; what was really going on?

Golden Arrow was stalling War Hawk over at the other entrance, too.

"I need to go to my locker," Hego muttered, walking away.

"No!" Artica shouted, a blast of fast freezing ice shooting out of her mouth, freezing Hego to the spot. He glared at her.

"Was that necessary?"

"Hego, I'll be honest, Tigress has totally wrecked havoc in her own horrible way. If you go in there, you'll blow up like yesterday-"

"How many of you guys were standing there?" He asked.

"All of us," I muttered.

"I need to get to class, Shego. Would you mind?" I glanced at Artica. She shook her head, giving me a warning glare.

"Sorry, but I have to do it," I blasted the ice off of Hego's feet. He yelped and then walked on. Artica grabbed my arm.

"Come on, maybe we could convince War Hawk to skip."

But it was too late. War Hawk had slipped past Golden Arrow somehow and was now inside the building. We hurried in.

Posted everywhere were flyers. In big bold letters for the title was, "BREAKING NEWS!! CHLOE BARROCK IN LOVE WITH SUPERHERO HEGO!!" A picture below showed a drawing of them kissing. Everyone was talking about it, but few were taking it very seriously.

War Hawk was pale. Ghostly pale.

"I, I tried to stop her, once I realized she had stolen that picture from my notebook..." Golden Arrow said helplessly.

I clenched my fists when I saw Tigress head towards us. She laughed.

"Like my decorating job? I thought the pink elephant being revealed gave a nice touch to the bland hallways," War Hawk glared at her.

"I trusted you with that secret. I trusted you in the bathroom yesterday when I was crying my eyes out not to tell a soul about my crush," Tigress shrugged.

"I got bored and restless last night. Miss Mistress wouldn't let me go steal stuff because of this whole "low-profile thing"."

"So you posted all these flyers because you were bored?!" I snarled. She glared at me.

"Well, maybe she should consider whose side she's on."

Sometimes, I really need to think before I do or say. In this case, do.

&

Mom sighed, running her fingers through her hair.

"What am I going to do with you? You can't just lunge at supervillains at school."

"Have you seen all the flyers around school?! She told War Hawk's biggest secret!" Mom looked at me.

"Tigress got those flyers approved by me before she put them up, and she only fought back in self-defense. As a mother, I want to kill her just as badly as you do but as a principal, I have to see that she's done nothing wrong."

"How could you approve those flyers, Mom?! War Hawk was nearly in tears!"

"There was nothing inappropriate about it, and it wasn't just gossip. I couldn't just refuse it because I want to protect Chloe," she leaned forward, "You and I both know how dense Hego is. Maybe now he'll see her in a different light," Mom folded her hands, "Now, as far as your punishment goes. I won't ground you, because as a mother I fully support you knocking the snot out of that brat. But as your principal, I'm afraid I'm going to have to suspend you."

"What?! But you're my mother!"

"Shego, try to understand. I can't play favorites here. I've ignored your little slap fights, but you gave her a bloody nose," Mom sighed, "I'll get your work from your teachers. You'll be out of school for the rest of the week. This isn't a vacation; it's a stain on your record," Mom came around and hugged me, "I'm sorry, baby."

I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and went back to class. So Tigress could get away with this and I get suspended? This wasn't tough love; this was just unfair.

I was going towards the bike rack when Golden Arrow, Artica, War Hawk, and Metaphor started coming towards me. Golden Arrow and Metaphor grabbed me, one for each arm.

"Hey-" My cry was cut off with a gag. They blindfolded me and tied my ankles and wrists together. I fought against them.

They tossed me into the back of a van and then ungagged me as Mischief peeled out, laughing like a maniac.

"Guys, I'm really not in the mood for a take-over-the-world plot," I groaned.

"It isn't a take-over-the-world plot; we're just kidnapping you," Metaphor clarified.

"You thought we forgot your birthday? Nah, we were just waiting for Artica and Golden Arrow to get out of jail," War Hawk laughed.

&

Please review.


	8. Disneyworld and musicals

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

Wherever we were going, it was far away. Like, nearly a 24 hour drive from what I could tell. We stopped occasionally to eat, fill up, and switch drivers, but that was it. And the whole time I was blindfolded and bound, never allowed to do so much as stretch my legs. What they thought I would do if I was free was beyond me...

Eventually, they carried me out of the van and inside. They set me on the bed.

"Don't you guys think this is a little extreme?" I asked.

"It's a surprise party. We're trying to make it an absolute surprise," Mischief said like Jafar, and then suddenly switched to Iago, "GET THAT COMPLIMENTARY NOTEPAD OUTTA HERE!!"

"I have to pee," I whined.

"Hold it; we'll be done clearing the evidence in a minute," Artica insisted. Evidence of what?

True to their word, they untied and unblinded me. We were in a hotel room somewhere. Well, this was awkward. I went to the bathroom quickly and noticed they had even taken the precautions of hiding the complimentary toiletries.

"Okay, guys, what's up?" I asked, coming out. They were trying to act casual.

"Trying to figure out where we're all gonna sleep. Your birthday budget didn't allow more than one room," Golden Arrow said. I sighed.

"Can you at least tell me what state we're in?"

"CANADA!" Mischief screamed like Jim Carrey. There were numerous groans and head slaps.

"Canada doesn't even have states, you moron," Metaphor muttered.

"Well, we brought a few clues to help you out..." War Hawk admitted. Golden Arrow tossed a duffle bag onto the bed.

I opened it. DVD's and VHS's galore. "Aladdin". "The Little Mermaid". "Finding Nemo". "Lilo and Stitch".

"Chuck E. Cheese's?" I guessed.

"Dear goodness, Shego!" Golden Arrow shouted, "It's as obvious as the fur on Tigress!"

"Told you she wouldn't get it," Artica grumbled.

"Birthday girl gets to pick the movie," Mischief declared like Homer from the Simpsons. I shifted through the movies, trying to figure out what the heck they were planning. A movie premiere?

I tossed "Sleeping Beauty" onto the bed.

"Let's go with the classics first," I suggested.

So, my eyes were glued to the screen, trying to decipher hidden clues. Meanwhile, Artica went to go pick up some burgers from McDonald's and Golden Arrow was fiercely fighting the statement that she looked like Aurora.

"Well, if you'd take your hair out of that eternal ponytail and curl it, you would," Artica said.

"I don't look like a Disney princess! I could beat that stupid little airhead up...well, if she wasn't protected by a prince and three fairies," Golden Arrow growled.

"It's an honor to look like a Disney princess. Except Snow White. She's not that pretty," War Hawk said.

"Shut up, Goldie. You look like Aurora. Deal with it," I snapped.

"Ohhh. Someone's a little cranky when she doesn't know what's going on," Golden Arrow teased.

"No, I'm just sick of you denying what you know to be true," I muttered.

Don't ask me what happened next. I can't really explain the phenomenon myself. Maybe it was because we all watched this half a dozen times a day when we were little, whether we were fans of it or not. Maybe it was because it was a good song. Maybe there was a gas leak in our room. Whatever the reason, once Aurora started her little forest tune, we all started singing along. And then Mischief, in typical Mischief fashion, got up and started waltzing around the room. We all burst out laughing.

And then, on an impulse, I jumped up from the bed, put one of my hands in hers and the other on her hip, and started waltzing with her, belting out the lyrics.

"I KNOW YOU, I WALKED WITH YOU ONCE UPON A DREAM! I KNOW YOU, THE GLEAM IN YOUR EYES IS SO FAMILIAR A GLEAM!"

Mischief dipped me down as the door opened. I looked up.

"Betty!" I shrieked. Mischief, thankfully, did not drop me but pulled me back up. The villainesses looked warily at her, edging away.

Artica glared at me.

"She made me," she accused, indicating Betty and the swarm of GJ muscle men behind them.

"Do you stalk me?!" I cried out. Betty smirked.

"Only when I have to," Have to? Cra-ap.

"This is about a mission, isn't it?" I muttered. Betty nodded. I groaned, "Do you have to spoil absolutely everything?"

"Excuse me for prioritizing world peace and safety above your social life," she muttered. I rolled my eyes.

"What is it this time? Deranged madman threatening to take over Disneyworld?"

"Actually, to destroy it," Go figure.

"Can't you go bug my brothers about it? I'm kind of in the middle of a late birthday party slash hostage situation here," I motioned towards my friends.

"Well, you're in the area," Betty argued. I arched an eyebrow.

"Define "area"."

"There go our plans," Golden Arrow muttered.

"You're roughly 45 minutes away from Disneyworld," Disneyworld? I glanced at the bag full of videos.

"You were going to take me to Disneyworld?!" I exclaimed.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Artica snarled, glaring at Betty. She ignored Artica.

"You guys are too sweet," I gushed. Betty snorted.

"They stole the passes from a family whose son is dying. It was his wish from the Make a Wish foundation."

"We're borrowing them. Borrowing means we have every intention of giving them back and borrowing is not the same as stealing. Shego deserves to see Mickey just as much as any cancer patient," Golden Arrow pointed out. Aw, how sweet. In a twisted-display-of-villainess-love kind of way.

"How about this; you help Shego out and no one has to go to prison?" The girls groaned at the ultimatum.

"They'll think about it," I jumped in before they outright refused.

"Characters get to the park at seven for dress-up. You have until then," Betty warned and then turned with her macho men. Artica slammed the door behind them.

"I _loathe_ GJ with a fiery passion, especially Dr. Director," she hissed, "One of these days, I'm just gonna plant a bomb up her-"

"Careful of wires," I reminded her. I was a little peeved myself. They went through all this trouble for a surprise kidnapping party (at Disneyworld, nonetheless!) and my job at GJ calls. Well, at least it looked like I was being put on missions again instead of security.

"I'm game," Mischief said like Mego. Everyone turned and stared at her.

"You're willing to take two bashings to your rep by helping GJ? Love Shego, but not that much," Metaphor said, looking apologetically at me.

"But we gets to play dress-up and be in a Disaney parade!" Mischief said like Tigger.

"Actually, that does sound a little fun," War Hawk admitted.

"Not to mention free admission to the park. Legally," Golden Arrow added.

"Aw, come on! Don't get sucked in! We're probably going to just sit and stare at computer screens all day, and for what?! To get better acquainted with Dr. Director? To act like we're the good guys?"

"Don't start on that reputation crap. You just don't like the heat," Golden Arrow insisted.

"It's early December. At most, it'll be a balmy 60 degrees," War Hawk coaxed.

"I'm not Frosty the Snowman! I can take the heat!" Artica snapped, and then looked worried, "Did you say 60?" She asked timidly.

"At most," War Hawk repeated reassuringly.

Metaphor rolled her eyes.

"Well, I've always been a sucker for peer pressure. I'm in if y'all are in," she surrendered.

"Fine! Fine! Maybe I'll just go back to Go City and tell Tigress now, so you can absolutely lose your dignity as a villainess!" Artica stormed out, "I forgot the hamburgers in the van..." she muttered.

&

Eventually, the other girls persuaded Artica to come along. And I didn't even have to say a word. They must really want to do it.

We got to the park at seven. Betty didn't look surprised to see that the villainesses had decided to join me.

"Follow me," she commanded. She walked to a door that read "Employees Only: Unauthorized Access Prohibited" and opened it, "The suspect's name is Fred Zophres, AKA: The Dream Killer. He was abused and neglected as a child. He feels it's a "justified vengeance" to go around smashing young children's hopes and aspirations."

"I don't care what side of the law you're on, that's wrong," War Hawk muttered.

We walked down a staircase and through a hallway.

"So, what's your plan, Savior of the Universe?" I asked. Betty didn't even bat an eyelash.

"There are roughly 6 main sections of the Disneyworld theme park and there are 6 of you. If you spread out evenly, preferably in disguise, there is a good chance we'll find the Dream Killer before he strikes. Here's a map," she handed me a program of Disneyworld. I glanced inside and saw in bright, cartoonish illustration the layout of the Magic Kingdom.

I glanced at my friends. Most of them looked compliant, which is a good sign as far as villains go. The only scowler in the group was Artica.

Betty tapped a series of numbers into a keypad. The door unlocked and eased open. Betty gave me a look I had only occasionally witnessed, mostly aimed towards Will or Hego. It said, "Shego, I'm stepping out now. I sure hope you can pull this off. It's in your hands now". I nodded.

"Come on, girls," I said, boldly going first into the dark room. They followed.

"What is this place?" Artica muttered.

"It smells like BO," Golden Arrow said disgustedly. War Hawk shrieked, making us all tense up.

"Something touched me!" She exclaimed.

"Hang on. I think I found a light switch," Metaphor said.

The light went on and we all jumped. It looked like someone had skinned Disney's most beloved critters and hung them up to dry. We all laughed in embarrassment.

"So, Shego, what's _your_ plan?" Metaphor asked.

"I hate to say this, but I have to agree with Betty. If we all spread out, we're bound to catch him," I found a nearby table and spread out the map for everyone to seem.

"She had a point about disguising ourselves, especially Shego. You're a little too well known for you to just walk around," Golden Arrow motioned at my face. Yeah, green skin didn't exactly scream "normal".

"We get to play dress-up?!" Mischief squealed like a typical five-year-old girl.

"As long as we don't pick characters in the same section of the park," I reminded her.

We all glanced at each other, acting casual. Then, all at the same time, we rushed for the costumes.

"I claim Ariel!" I called out.

"Dibs on Mickey!" Golden Arrow replied.

"Mockeecha!" Mischief shouted, pulling down Stitch's costume eagerly.

It was fun, trying on different costumes, playing grown-up dress-up. I felt like a spy, going behind the scenes of Disney and infiltrating the characters' wardrobe. It was difficult trying to coordinate who was doing which area. Mischief was the easiest; she stayed with her original choice of Stitch. However, Artica wasn't being so passive.

"They're all either hot, stuffy, or smelly," she complained.

"Yeah. What did you expect?" Golden Arrow gave a muffled laugh from inside Mickey's head. That choice wasn't going to happen as long as I and the others had a say.

"I can't walk around all day like this," she motioned at the Rafiki costume she was slipping off.

"We get breaks," Metaphor said. I turned around...and clenched my teeth.

"I already said _I_ was going to be Ariel," I flipped my red wig for emphasis. She looked amazingly realistic; I wouldn't doubt if those were real green fish scales on her perfect looking fin.

"Don't you think the shape-shifter should be the mermaid?" She said persuasively. The other girls, hearing the argument, started comparing our costumes.

"Sorry, but Metaphor does look a lot more like an Ariel than you do. I mean, just look at her tail," War Hawk said. Metaphor gave a bubbly laugh that sounded very, very Jodi Benson.

"Sorry, Shego, but your costume choice has been overruled," Mischief said like Judge Judy. I threw off the wig. Another "best disguise" victory for the shape-shifter.

"Maybe I could just be, like, one of those ride people. You know, the ones that check the seatbelts and tell you all the stupid stuff your common sense should tell you not to do anyway," Artica suggested.

"But that means you'll only be situated in one spot," Golden Arrow pointed out.

"I think the Monorail is air conditioned. That way, you can watch the people coming into Disneyworld," War Hawk suggested. Artica shrugged.

"Beats walking around in a ridiculous costume all day," she admitted.

"Then someone's got to take two sections," I pointed out.

"I'll take Frontierland and Adventureland," War Hawk offered, pulling on a Timon costume, "They're both out of the way and pretty much overlap anyway. I'll fit in at both places," she assured me.

I put up the Ariel costume with a heavy heart and took down the Tigger one. I was going to be a well-loved Disney character no matter what. I glanced at the map. Timon had Frontierland and Adventureland, Stitch had Tomorrowland, Ariel had Fantasyland, and Tigger had Mickey's Toontown Fair (don't ask me how Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse decided to collaborate, but they did).

"All we need is a Main Street, U.S.A. character," I announced.

"Um, hello? Mickey Mouse," Golden Arrow waved her glove up and down her body. We all laughed.

"Oh, you're not going to be Mickey Mouse," Artica said darkly.

We tackled her and, carefully, stripped her of her costume.

"Get the dress! Get the dress!" I screamed, my knees pinning her in the stomach. Mischief sprinted and grabbed it.

Golden Arrow took one look at it and fought harder.

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE A FRICKIN' DISNEY PRINCESS!" She screeched.

"Do not deny what's inside! You are Aurora!" I yelled back. Artica reached up and cut the circulation to her head off. She was out cold in no time.

"It will be easier this way," Artica said gravely.

Artica, Mischief, and War Hawk carried her off into a separate dressing room to finish the job. Needless to say, we had a very cranky but beautiful Golden Arrow when Sleeping Beauty woke up.

"I wish you'd curl your hair more often," War Hawk said wistfully as she played with Golden Arrow's curls. Golden Arrow grabbed her wrist.

"Touch me again and die, you filthy backstabber!" She hissed. War Hawk jumped back a few feet at the least.

"We will find the princess in you yet, Golden Arrow-san, no matter how deeply buried," Mischief decided, speaking like Jackie Chan. She gave a killing glare to Mischief.

We were all about to get into our costumes when a knock came at the door.

"No one's naked," I called. I heard Betty sigh and then walk in.

"I have surprises for you girls," she said as sweetly as she was capable of being towards villainesses.

"Surprises! I love surprises!" Mischief exclaimed like Snow White.

Betty set down a black rectangular case onto the table and opened it. There were six pairs of earrings and six choker necklaces, all black.

"Stylish walkie-talkies?" I guessed. She nodded.

"Your microphones," she pointed to the necklaces, "and your listening devices."

"Separate channel?" Artica asked.

"Of course."

"Security measures?"

"They couldn't hack into the feed with even the most advanced technology," Artica looked at me as if to say, "_One more thing to hate about GJ; one step ahead of every technological advance_."

We all took a choker and a pair and put them on.

"We've got it all figured out," I informed her. She looked at me.

"Your career hangs in the balance. For your sake, I hope you somehow manage not to destroy the most magical place on earth."

&

"Tigger to Timon, Tigger to Timon,"

"What's up, Tigger?"

"Nothing, except for little kids hugging me and kicking me in the shin. Anything going on in Frontierland or Adventureland?"

"Nothing but signing autographs and posing for pics," I sighed in frustration.

Even for December, it was warm for someone who had lived in the New England area all their life. Not to mention how heavy and sweaty being a giant cartoon tiger was. At least the characters in costume didn't have to speak.

"Aurora, how are you holding up?"

"Tigger, I'm going to friggin' skin you and use your pelt as a rug."

"I take it you're on break?"

"Yes, and using it to plot my revenge."

"Why are you angry at me? I didn't touch you with make-up!"

"You dragged us all into this!"

"Not really. We kind of came on our own-"

"Shut up, Timon."

"Looks like someone needs to go back to sleep for another hundred years," Artica purred.

"You're just glad because you're in air conditioning."

"Stitch?" I changed the subject.

"Naga naga," she said, which sounded to me like another negative.

"Ariel?"

"Everything's wonderful over in the grotto!" She said joyfully. Apparently the kiddies weren't letting the little mermaid get ready for the parade.

Little kids...ugh. I can't STAND little kids. They're annoying and attentive and cuddly and violent and...ugh. This was not going to be a career option for me. It was hard talking to the other girls seeing if they'd found anyone suspicious when there's a dozen little kids screaming, "OH MY GOSH IT'S TIGGER!!"

Being a Disney character is only fun in theory.

Timon walked up from the Lion King float to the Mickey and friends float.

"Hey, Tigs."

"T-man," We slapped high fives. She pulled me closer.

"We have no idea what this guy looks like," she murmured.

"Crap, you're right. Stupid Betty."

"Jane to company, Jane to company. I've just got news from another employee that a suspicious man in a cape just got off the ferry. This could be our guy."

"We're kind of in a parade right now," Golden Arrow muttered, "And I swear, Tigger, your only saving grace is the fact that Prince Philip is a college student, extremely hot, and is flirting with me. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but I will get you back for this."

"Put your vendetta away, girlies, we've got to keep our eyes and ears open," Metaphor said. War Hawk nodded good bye and went back to her float.

The parade is a pain as well, especially when you're not in front. You have to wait. And wait. And wait. And then you get ready. And then wait. Finally, you're on the street trying to wave to everyone and also trying to stay ahead of the float. Those suckers are faster than they appear when you're wearing 10, 15 pounds of costume.

"Betty to Tigger, Betty to Tigger, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, loud and clear," I said hesitantly. She hadn't busted into our conversation before.

"I have good news and bad news. Good news is that the man in the cape Jane talked about is the Dream Killer."

"What's the bad news, then?" War Hawk asked.

"We've found some strange pulses in the subterrainian levels that are timed to combust at any given time."

"Um, English?" I asked.

"There's a bomb that's going to explode," Artica said.

"When?!" I hissed. Pooh stumbled into me.

"Watch it," he muttered. Apparently I had stopped.

"It's set to go off during Float 12."

"My float!" Metaphor said quietly. Masks were amazing things when you didn't want someone to know you were talking to someone through a necklace.

"Ariel's a mermaid," War Hawk stated. I almost said "no duh" when I realized what she was really saying. Ariel had fins.

Without thinking, I went sprinting up the parade. I bet Ariel was really wishing for some legs now. I tripped over my tail, but recovered and grabbed it.

"No pressure, Tigger, but Float 9 just passed the bomb point," Betty said.

"I'm going, I'm going," I huffed.

"Goobaja!" Stitch cheered (or at least I think Mischief was cheering me on).

The float music was in hearing distance.

"The newt play the flute the carp play the harp. The plaice play the bass and they soundin' sharp."

"Float 10." No pressure, right, Betty? I ran harder.

"The bass play the brass, the chub play the tub. The fluke is the duke of soul! The ray he can play the lings on the strings..."

"Float 11."

I jumped onto the back of Ariel's float.

"The trout rockin' out. The black fish, she sings. The smelt and the sprat, they know where it's at. And oh, that blowfish blow!"

Ariel and Eric turned to me; Ariel relieved, Eric confused. I stumbled around the plastic rocks, dodging Sebastian the crab's swinging mechanical pinchers. The upbeat chorus rang out.

"Under the sea, under the sea. When the sardine begin the beguine it's music to me..." Eric blocked my path.

"Um, can I borrow your princess real quick? And can you kindly jump off the float? It's going to explode," His eyes widened.

"Listen to him, Eric," Ariel hissed.

"...what do they got, a lot of sand? We got a hot crustacean band! Each little clam here know how to jam here under the sea..." Eric continued to mirror my every move.

"ERIC!" Ariel screeched.

"Dang it, Shego, get them out of there!!" Betty screamed.

"...each little slug here cuttin' a rug here under the sea..."

Metaphor grabbed Eric and hurled him off of the float.

"You'll thank me later!" She called.

"...each little snail here know how to wail here..." I scooped her up and stumbled down the side of the float.

"...that's why it's hotter under the water. Ya, we in luck here, down in the muck here..." I leaped off the float just as it exploded. Not unlike an action/spy/Disney movie.

"Under the-" The end cut off as the speakers were blown.

We looked up. A lot of eyes were on Tigger holding the little mermaid while Eric stared, baffled, off to the side. We each threw an arm in the air.

"SEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!!" We belted out. The little children burst into applause, especially the boys. The adults glanced at each other. We didn't have enough time to worry about their reaction.

Just then, a man in a black cloak was running by, half-carrying, half-dragging a ticked off Aurora. She caught my eye and flashed me an inappropriate hand gesture.

"Come on; let's go save the damsel in distress," I said, taking off with Ariel, who was surprisingly light for a mermaid. Metaphor snorted.

"Like she _needs _saving."

The others, excluding Artica, joined the pursuit as he passed by. He ran down Main Street and right up to Cinderella's Castle. We had to push through a baffled crowd to get to the castle.

"Where'd he go?" War Hawk asked.

"Up there! Up there!" The little kids screeched. We all craned our necks.

Sure enough, Aurora was glaring at us as the Dream Killer held a gun to her head. His hood had fallen back; he was a curly red afro nerd with freckles and buck teeth.

"DISNEY RUINED MY CHILDHOOD, SO NOW I SHALL RUIN DISNEY!!" He screeched. I rolled my eyes. As true as that was, it was rather lame to try to get back at them.

"Oh dear, whatever shall I do?" Golden Arrow said lamely, not even attempting to act.

"Shoot her!" A smart-butt teenage guy yelled.

"No, let's not shoot Aurora!" Metaphor exclaimed.

"Don't shoot Aurora! Don't shoot Aurora!" The little ones wailed. The Dream Killer tried to yell over them, but the magic of child-like faith and innocence drowned him up. They were stalling.

"Kata baka-dooka?" Mischief asked.

"Sure, whatever," I muttered, glancing for a place to set Metaphor down. I saw a vacant stroller, "Excuse me, can I use this for a little bit? Ariel has trouble standing," I asked the parents. A little girl's eyes lit up.

"Sure..." The parents agreed hesitantly. I set Metaphor into the stroller. She briefly glared at me.

"Ariel?" The little girl whispered. Metaphor turned to her and smiled.

"And who might you be?" She said cheerily.

"My name's Melanie. You're my favorite princess out of all of them," she said honestly. The plastered on smile all characters gave faded away for a minute, and a genuine smile came through.

"Thank you," she said.

There is nothing quite as sweet as a small child that still believes in magic and fantasy, and nothing quite as heart-melting as a child saying that they loved or looked up to you. You just never want them to grow up, never want them to learn that there was no such thing as magic, that the people you look up to don't exist. You don't want them to go through the jading you went through.

I guess I related more to this villain than I thought. Well, in the jaded way, not the "I want to ruin everyone else's dreams" way.

"AGGABA!" Stitch cheered as she came out, pulling Aurora behind her. The little ones cheered.

But right behind her was the Dream Killer, minus the gun. We all exchanged glances. Did we really want to fight in _front_ of little kids? Weren't we supposed to be acting? What was proper Disney protocol for a terrorist trying to kill Aurora?

"Bluff it! Do whatever you have to do _not_ to outright fight him!" Betty made our decision. Still didn't make it any easier, and the Dream Killer was catching up with Aurora with a crazed, homocidal look in his eyes.

"Oh dear, what am I going to do?" Aurora wondered outloud. Timon snapped her fingers.

"Why don't you SING, Princess Aurora?" We all glanced at her. Golden Arrow gave a nervous laugh.

"Sing? Well, what would singing do?" She asked.

"Don't you remember from princess self-defense class?" Ariel called from the stroller, "_SINGing_?" The light bulb went off in everyone's head at that moment.

Golden Arrow cleared her throat dramatically.

"When there is a stranger coming from behind to grab you, there are some important things that you must do," she sang. She really has a lovely singing voice, but she hates singing in front of others.

The Dream Killer was right behind her now, practically breathing down her neck.

"S is for stomach, drive your elbow in nice and neat," she began, drilling her elbow into his stomach. The air rushed out of him as he doubled over, "I is for instep, for he can't run with broken feet."

She pounded down onto his inner foot. He screeched, but I don't think she really broke anything.

"N is for nose, to the ground he goes," Golden Arrow spun around and drove the heel of her hand towards his nose. Blood spurted out as he fell. Thank goodness she hadn't shoved it into his brain, or we would have a lot of explaining to do.

Golden Arrow stationed her feet on either side.

"And g is for groin, a very sensitive loin," she slammed her foot down into his gonads, causing him to scream.

As though reading each others' minds, we all converged together and repeated her song.

"When there is a stranger coming from behind to grab you, there are some important things that you must do. S is for stomach, drive your elbow in nice and neat. I is for instep, for he can't run with broken feet. N is for nose, to the ground he goes. And g is for groin, a very sensitive loin," On the same page again, we all started shaking our hands. Except for Mischief, who started wiggling her fingers.

I nudged her.

"No spirit fingers. Jazz hands," I hissed. She switched immediately without any other nudges.

I don't believe in magic. I don't believe in fantasy. But I do believe in miracles. God granted us one right there in front of Cinderella's castle. The rest of the Disney characters joined us, did jazz hands, and learned the song within one go-around. Show people are amazingly gifted with improv.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw the Dream Killer begin to rise again.

"But what if SINGing doesn't work. Then what?" My voice squeaked a little. Aurora glanced at me, and then at the Dream Killer.

Everyone else's eyes were on her now. But she handled the pressure well.

"Well, if SINGing doesn't work, here is one more trick. BETing works well, but you best do it quick," she noted as she skirted around the Dream Killer.

"Bet?!" All of us asked in unison. It was almost like we were trapped in a musical or something.

"B is for behind the knees, it will make them collapse and freeze," she knocked him behind his knees. He crumpled to the ground. She went down and then hooked her fingers into his eyes.

"E is for eyes; a nasty, blinding surprise," Thank goodness she had the restraint to not pop them out.

She wrapped her arm around his neck and pushed his head forward with her other hand.

"And t is for the throat, simply cutoffthecirculationtotheheadtocausehimtopassoutafterafewminutesdraghisunconsciousbodyintoasafeandundisclosedlocationincaseyouaccidentallykilledhimnoonewilleverknowitwasyou," she smiled at the children, probably hoping none of the parents understood that.

She stood up as soon as he was unconscious.

"And on that note..." I muttered.

"If you're in trouble and you don't know what to do, just remember the acronyms we taught to you," she sang.

And then we sang both songs a few more times to drive it home. By the end of our performance, we had even convinced the parents.

&

"Well, that wasn't a complete disaster..." Betty admitted as we sat in the dressing room, out of our costumes. I shifted the bag of ice on my eye the same time Golden Arrow adjusted the one she was holding to her lip.

Aurora wasn't too happy about any of what had just happened, and decided to take her anger out on Tigger as soon as they were out of the public eye.

"I'm getting paid overtime for this, right?" I asked. She sighed.

"I suppose, since you didn't volunteer for this assignment, I have to."

"Yes!" I cheered. War Hawk slapped me a high five.

Golden Arrow straightened a little and then dug into her pocket. She pulled out her cellphone. She furrowed her eyebrows at the screen, and then answered.

"Hello?...Yes, she's here...Roughly in the Orlando area...Having a late birthday party...Metaphor, Mischief, War Hawk, Artica, and myself. Out of curiousity, how did you get this number? I only recently got this number...Yeah, hold on...Love you too, Mrs. Go," she handed the phone to me, "If there's one person who has more resources and information than GJ, then it has to be your mom," she muttered.

Oh crap. I put it up to my ear.

"Hey, Mom," I said cheerily.

"Don't lie to me, Shego. Are you really in Orlando celebrating your late birthday party with Metaphor, Mischief, War Hawk, Artica, and Golden Arrow?"

"Yes," My mom had a tendency to burn bushes to the ground.

"Are you saving the world?" I winced.

"Define "world"," I said.

"Define what you are doing that would make you ask me to define "world"."

"I may have just defeated a villian who was bent on destroying childhood dreams," There was a pause.

"That's borderline," she said. I gave a small moan.

"How much trouble am I expected to be in when I get home?" I asked. She sighed.

"A good mother would ground you and lecture you on not running off to a different state with her friends while you're suspended at school. But you and I both know I've never claimed to be a good mother," I smiled, "Since you're with your villainess friends and because of the reason for your suspension, you're off the hook this time. Next time you go, though, please call so I don't have to track down your friends' cellphone numbers."

"Agreed. Love you, Mom."

"Love you too, baby girl," I hung up and I grinned.

"I love having a crime lordess for a mom," I said.

&

...that has to be one of the strangest, most random things I have ever written. Please do not flame me; I had to get this out of my system. And I was on a sugar high when I wrote that self-defense song. Anyway, happy summer vacation!


	9. Lostintranslation and other villain stuf

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

"...and now, after an intricate pattern that has been programmed into each of your go karts that will make you dizzy beyond comparison, you will all collide with each other, setting the explosives off and blowing you to pieces," Mischief said in a typical alto villain voice and then gave a deep, throaty laugh, "Get it? Go-karts? And you're Team Go?"

"Yes, A+ on the bad villain pun, A- on the monologue; the explaining could have been a bit less confusing, but it seems like the boys got it," I assured her.

"Let's go through the checklist; she always forgets something," Mego stated from the other side of the lair.

"I don't _always_ forget!" Mischief whined like young Simba.

"We've been on the same "best-plan-ever" for weeks because you keep forgetting something," Hego said. I sighed.

"Monologue, bad pun, and evil laugh check. Vehicles in working condition?"

"Yep."

"Explosives...explosive?"

"Yep."

"Pattern in order?" She glanced down at her computer.

"Yeperooni. What about your guyses' restraints, tight enough?"

"Yeah." We all said, though we could all get out if we really wanted to. But Mischief...well, she was more of a big picture villainess than a detail-oriented one. Her plans were practically self-foiling, but we came anyway to help her self-esteem.

She rubbed her hands together, delighted with her own ingenius.

"Let's get this go-kart rolling, then," she said like the Fonz, pressing a button.

The go-karts didn't move an inch. I sighed.

"You forgot to put gas in the karts, didn't you?" She slammed her head down on the desk.

"DANG IT ALL TO HELSINKI!!" She screamed like Jasmine from Aladdin.

We were so going to be late for school.

&

"Thanks for fixing my bike," I said to Hego as we pedaled to school. Getting out of our restraints was easier than I thought, and apparently Mischief couldn't be late to Mr. McQuarry's class one more time.

"I got around to it," he shrugged it off, "But where'd you run off to this past week?"

"Surprise-party-turned-saving-Disneyworld thing. Don't ask," he snickered.

"Oh, I know about you and your friends going under cover. It's all over Youtube, not to mention the news. Disney is being praised for Goldie's, I mean _Aurora's_, self-defense lesson. Something about breaking stereotypes and female empowerment or something."

"Oh, goody. She's going to be a joy for the next couple of days."

"I'm already preparing on some sort of revenge plot."

We stood there and waited for traffic. He glanced down at his handlebars and then at oncoming traffic, a small frown on his face.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" I asked gently.

"Yeah. You just missed a visit with Dad," The glowing man told us to cross.

I sighed. I was grateful I had dodged that bullet. The only thing me and Dad did lately was argue. Not that I wanted to feed my brothers to the dog, but it was better their awkward silence then me exploding like Spaghetti O's cooked too long without a cover (not that I'd know anything about that...).

We didn't talk anymore about Dad. Hego, hero to the core, was a tad bit uncomfortable with the fact Daddy Dearest was in prison for murder. Mom nor Dad ever talked about it much, either.

&

I glanced at Tigress. She was looking at me like, "What is that crazy girl planning now?" I was planning something that was going to save me the humiliation of being ran over yet again.

The woodshop class were bringing in a wide piece of board for a door for the set. It sat in the back of a pick-up truck at just the perfect angle. I circled around, and then went as fast as I could up the board, shooting into the air.

"YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" I yelled, sailing over her car.

My stunt would have been great, except I hadn't really thought about the landing. The bike gave way from under me, and I went crashing to the hard cement. Tigress and Golden Arrow both burst out laughing.

"You're not War Hawk!" Tigress yelled at me. I sighed. At least she hadn't run me over.

Someone kneeled beside me.

"¿Estas bien?" Jesus asked me. Are you okay?

"Si, si, claro," I said quickly, embarrassed. Yes, yes, of course. I got up and brushed myself up, "¿Que tal?" I asked. What's up?

"¿Podemos hablar durante almuerzo? Tengo algo muy importante decirte," I pursed my lips. He had said something along the lines of talking during lunch, he had something very important...to tell me? Shoot, I should've gone on to Spanish II.

"Claro," I said. He smiled.

Tigress has some amazing predatory instincts. She can tell when I'm trying to land a hot guy from miles around. So, she obviously scented fine Jesus. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, snatching Mischief by the sleeve.

"What do you want from me?!" She bawled like Mike from Monsters Inc.

"You are going to translate for me to Jesus," she hissed. Apparently someone had told Tigress that French was the language of love, so she was spending her foreign language credits in French class.

I put my bike away. Not like I wanted to let Tigress have him, but I also didn't want to make a scene (I know, how unlike me). Jesus looked curiously at Tigress and Mischief, not as scared as I would've imagined from someone who didn't grow up in Go City, but not exactly at ease. I don't blame him; Tigress was smiling at him.

"Okay, Mis, tell him "Hello, I am Tigress and I'm happy to finally get to talk to you". Don't screw up," Tigress hissed. Mischief waved.

"¡Hola! Ella se llama Tigress y come bebés," Wow, I may have only taken Spanish I, but I knew that was an inaccurate translation. She ate what?

Tigress was oblivious to Mischief's freedom of translation, even with the shocked look on Jesus's face and Mischief's small smirk.

"Tell him he's extremely cute and tell him that I don't mean to be forward."

"Te pareces al vómito de un mono y hueles a caca," Jesus's eyes widened. Tigress must have taken it as a good surprise.

"Ask him if he would like to go to the Sadie Hawkin's dance with me."

""¿Querrías ir a prenderle fuego a los niños de Sadie Hawkin conmigo?" Didn't "fuego" mean "fire" and "niños" "children"?

Jesus cleared his throat.

"Perdónenme, pero tengo que ir a mi siguiente clase. Adiós," he walked away. Mischief turned to Tigress.

"He says he'll get back to you," she said, not slipping out of her Spanish accent. Tigress frowned.

Mischief giggled as she came over to me.

"Okay, now what did you really tell him?" I asked.

"I told him, "Hi, I'm called Tigress and I eat babies. You look like monkey vomit and smell like feces. Would you go set fire to Sadie Hawkin's children with me?"." We both burst out laughing.

"Why...?"

"First of all, you like him. The only reason she's interested is because of that. Second, and more importantly, no one demands me to translate," she said like the Rock.

Whoever said there's no honor among thieves obviously doesn't know my friends.

&

I scanned the lunch room, trying to find Jesus. I didn't see him in the lunch line. Maybe he was already sitting down...

"Shego, to the principal's office, Shego," the intercom announced. I sighed and went to Mom's office.

There I found my mother, sitting in her chair, looking rather ticked off. Across from her was a team of all-guy camera crew and a female reporter who wasn't a stranger to Botox.

"You've got an interview," Mom grunted, "Show them the conference room."

An interview? Since when? Man, miss one Team Go meeting and you're lost. I motioned them to follow me. I was going to kill Hego for this. He knew what I thought about publicizing Team Go, that nothing good could come from it. Why was he doing this?

"You need my brothers, 'cause I can go track them down," I offered as we sat down. The reporter shook her head.

"Oh, no, it's all right," she said, "We already interviewed them."

Terrific.

"I'm guessing Hego set it up?" She nodded, "That explains why I was late. He never tells me anything," she laughed.

"It's really no problem," she assured me. This woman was a little too accomidating for my taste.

We chatted as we waited for the camera crew to set up; how I was, how she was, wonderful weather we've been having for early December, etc. It didn't too long for them to get ready, and before I knew it I was smoothing down my hair and clothes as the camera man was counting down.

"So, Shego, what's it like being a crime-fighting superhero?" Good, one of my practiced questions.

"It's a lot of fun, actually. You go all over the world, meeting new people and experiencing new cultures, all the while keeping the world safe. It's really cool," Yeah, I know what you're thinking. That doesn't sound at all like the Shego we know and love. And you're right. If it was me talking, it'd be more like, "_Duh, it's cool being a superfreak. I fly in a jet all over the world because I'm "saving the world". Really, all I care about is kicking butt, making sure my brothers don't kill themselves, and the exotic foods and habits of other countries."_

That would not go over well with Hego. I had to be the supportive, loving, upbeat superheroine that everyone expects. Sometimes, I wonder if Kim feels pressured to be that image, too.

"Being a superhero must be a challenge while you're still in high school," she continued. I laughed. No flippin' duh.

"I guess it's not exactly a typical high school experience," Guess? "There's some mountains to climb, like scheduling your extra cirricular actitivies around saving the world. The main one is attendence and getting out of class. You'd be surprised how few teachers let you out of their class to go save the world."

"Some of your nemesi have hench girls your age," Uh oh.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Do they go to your school?" Big uh oh. This wasn't a practiced question.

"Yeah, I see them around, have a couple classes with some of them," I admitted.

"I'm sure there's a bit of tension there," she pressed.

What was I going to say?! If I told the truth, Hego will kill me. If I lied, though my friends would forgive me, I'd hate myself for it. I had other friends; I just wasn't very close to them and-

"Not as much as you would think," I finally said, "Off-duty, they're pretty decent girls," Ah ha! Compromise!

The reporter didn't look satisfied.

"Surely there's some conflict, being in such close quarters with your arch enemies."

"Well, yeah, sure. Tigress and I are at each other's throats constantly. Just ask the principal. But super powers, touring the world, fighting... it's kinda weird not to get along when you've got such major things in common, you know?" There went that superheroine image, right out the window. Like she was ever going to last.

"Do you ever hang out with them outside of school?"

"Oh yeah, all the time. We're just like normal girls when we're not working. Going to the movies, riding our bikes, hanging out at the mall," Though that last one was only on rare occassions. If they saw something they liked, more often then not they'd steal it, which usually ended in some good-vs-evil fight and... Well, it's like taking an alcoholic into a bar, "We even have sleepovers together."

"You'd think there'd be a lot of conflict between a hero and villains," she commented. I reflected on the Disneyworld fiasco.

"Yeah, there's tons of conflict. Almost like we're trying to convert each other to our side of the law. But hey, it'd be pretty boring if you got along with everyone all the time."

The door to the conference room opened.

"Hey-o, Shego. Your mom-o doesn't want you-o to be late-o to class-o. Again-o," Golden Arrow warned.

"Are you trying-o to speak-o Spanish-o?" I asked. She smiled.

"Si-o," she glanced around at the crew, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, we were just finishing," the reporter announced. Apparently, I wasn't going to get a long segment.

I grabbed my back pack and followed Golden Arrow out.

"They didn't even recognize me," she pouted.

"No offense, but your half-tiger sister kinda overshadows you."

"Yeah. Guess what we found out about Metaphor during lunch today."

"She's a vegetarian?"

"No, funnier. She can't stand the words "fondle" or "moist"."

You've just gotta wonder how _that_ bit of information came up.

It was hilarious because as we walked into the hallway, you could immediately see the rest of our friend group. All of them except War Hawk were crowded around poor Metaphor, practically screaming "FONDLE!" or "MOIST!" or "MOIST FONDLING!" in her ears.

"Come on, guys. Leave her alone!" I laughed, pushing them away from her. They teasingly pushed back.

"Goody two shoes!" They chided me. We laughed, pushing at each other as we stumbled along to our next class.

&

Jesus tried to catch me again after school, but I was whisked off to play practice before I could figure out what he had to say.

Being somewhere between a minor and a major character sucks. You _might_ be needed, but mostly you aren't and just sit around bored. Hego thankfully wasn't a major character, so we pretty much farted around like siblings most of the time. But today was the day Hego and War Hawk had been dreading; the gazebo scene with Rolfe and Liesel. Neither one of them looked infatuated with the other as the drama teacher Mrs. White went over the scene's choreography.

Me and Mischief who, for once, wasn't needed were doodling all over our scripts. Actually, we were really listening in on Hego and War Hawk, hoping for some hope. All we heard was the following conversation:

"Ow. Stop digging your nails into me! You're like Tigress!"

"You'll drop me!"

"Geez, War Hawk, you should know by now I'm a little stronger than the average guy."

"Doesn't mean you aren't going to drop me."

"Do you honestly think I would drop you on purpose?"

"I don't know. _You're_ the one who said he'd rather die than be in the same room as me."

"_You're_ the villain, not me. And when are you going to let that go?"

"Not for a loooooong time. You really hurt me when you said that," I glanced over the top of my script. Hego had paused in his spat, but he looked confused instead of sorry.

"Maybe we should try this another day," Mrs. White finally intervened.

I went to War Hawk's side just in case my brother hurt her again. She did look hurt, but not near-tears hurt.

"You'd think a guy would learn after being hit by a mallet in the chimichangas," she muttered, half-heartedly smirking.

My heart skipped a beat as Hego came after her. On his own.

"I didn't think that, that Tigress... Do you actually _like_ me?" He gave a disbelieving chuckle.

"Metaphor wants to meet you at the park at eight tonight. Said she wanted to cash in her favor. Wear all black," she passed on the message to me. She turned to where Mischief was sitting, glaring daggars at Hego, "Need a ride home, Mis?" She asked.

Mischief shook her head slowly, never ceasing to glare at Hego.

"Actually, Chloe, I think I need a ride home," I told her. Hego stared at me. We always biked home together.

But there was only so much idiocy I could take from him.

&

"I am really getting sick and tired of watching Tigress run you over day after day," she explained as we stood in the park. She threw me a ski mask, "We're going to go steal an engine for your car."

"Isn't this more a favor for me than you?" I asked as we slipped on the masks.

"Let's just say I owe your mom," she muttered.

We got into her sleek black sports car. She glanced over at me and noticed that I wasn't exactly pulling at the bit.

"Look, it's not grand theft auto..."

"We're stealing an engine. That is pretty much the heart of the car, right? So, it practically _is_ grand theft auto."

"I think you're just scared of getting caught," she purred. I whirled around.

"I'm not scared! I'm just considering the options if someone were by chance walking around and-"

"Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk," Metaphor flapped her arms like wings.

"Listen, I am not chicken. But if Hego-"

"BAWK, BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!" She crowed louder.

"I'm just saying-"

"BAAAAWK!"

"Listen to me-"

"BAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKK!!" I folded my arms, leaning back in the leather seat.

"Why don't I just shut up and go along with this plan that's bound to end horribly for me?"

"Now you're getting it," Metaphor praised, patting me on the head. She started the car and pulled out of the parking space, "Golden Arrow's already scouted it out for us. It's at a dealership at the edge of the city. We go in, pop the hood, disconnect the engine, put the engine in the trunk, drive to your house and drop it off. Golden Arrow will come by this weekend and install it the right way. No. Big. Deal. Hey, you might even get a taste for villainy."

"This is what this whole favor thing is about, isn't it?! Converting me to the dark side?!" I exclaimed. She snorted.

"Noooo!" She said sarcastically.

The rest of the drive in silence. I was not opposed to the thought of stealing an engine; it was a heck of a lot easier than asking Betty for an advance on my paycheck or, worse and probably least likely to actually work, ask for a loan from Mom. It was the fact of being caught again that I wasn't crazy about. Betty would probably suggest a life sentence, throwing in that I gouged her eye. Not to mention what Hego would do to me. I didn't like asking for forgiveness, and I hated admitting I was wrong (even if I didn't mean it).

Metaphor shut off the headlights as we drove silently into the lot.

"This is bound to fail," I muttered.

"You're such a pessimist, Shego. Never thinking anyone's plans are going to succeed," she scolded.

"Well, I'm kind of a hero, so forgive me for not believing in a villain's plot!" I hissed. She turned the car off and grabbed a small toolbox out of the glove compartment. Tools of the trade, as my mother would say.

We got out and went to a truck that looked almost identical to mine. She popped the hood and set to work. I glanced over her shoulder, watching her work.

"Need any help?"

"I'm good right now, thanks. I just need help carrying it," I leaned against the bumper.

"Should we worry about security cameras?"

"Artica covered it," Wow. Pretty much everyone was in on this. And only Metaphor and I would get the credit in the end.

Without any alarms or sirens or lights going off, we disconnected the engine and hauled it home. It was way too easy, I remember thinking the entire time. And it had been.

&

"¡Shego!" I turned around, just about to go to play practice. He grabbed me by the forearm, "Necesitamos hablar. Ahora," Something about it being necessary to talk. Now.

He pulled me aside, aside being to a secluded shaded area. He took a deep breath and then began.

"Escuche cuidadosamente. Soy un espía de España que ha sido enviado para pedir ayuda al Team Go. Nuestras fuerzas no son suficientes. Hemos sido atacados por un villano que se llama el Matador. Él está tratando de asumir el control el mundo, comenzando con España. ¡Él debe ser detenido!" I barely caught a word he said. Something about a matador and Spain? I shook my head.

"Yo no comprende," I admitted. I don't understand (a very useful phrase to learn if you take Spanish in high school, especially if all the teacher speaks is Spanish). He sighed.

"Sígeme," he said, pulling me along.

"¿Mis hermanos?" I asked. My brothers?

"¿Podrías llamarlos, por favor?" He asked. I shook my head. He acted like he was speaking into a phone.

"Oh! Call them!" I cried. I pulled out my cellphone and dialed War Hawk's number. Two rings and then she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Can you tell Hego to round up the boys and get out here? I think Jesus is a spy."

&

Needless to say, there was a lot of confusion. Such as the fact Jesus had his own jet plane, and that none of my brothers understood Spanish past "Hola", "Gracias", and "Adios". Making me the translator, and I only knew half of what Jesus was saying. I realized I've taken body language for granted until now.

We landed in an European country we had not been to before, next to a very private, business-y building. A Hispanic man came out, his hair the color of pepper and his brown eyes soft and kind.

"¡Team Go! ¡Gracias a Dios!" He exclaimed. He shook each of our hands in turn, "Soy Julio Quizas, y bienvenidos a España. Estamos tan agradecidos para su ayuda contra el Matador. Él ha estado asumiendo silenciosamente el control de España por varios meses ya..."

"Perdón, Sr. Quizas, pero nosotros no hablamos español bueno. Nosotros hablamos inglés," I explained quickly. Pardon, Mr. Quizas, but we don't speak Spanish well. We speak English.

"¡Ay!" He said exasperantly at Jesus, "¡Usted me dijo que podrían hablar español!"

"¡Bien, Shego lo habla!" He exclaimed, pointing at me. The boys exchanged glances.

"What'd he say about a depot and a bar?" Wego 1 asked.

"Forget about that. I wanna know why Shego keeps calling this guy Mr. Kiss Ass," Mego said very bluntly.

"It's "Quizas", with a "Q". Gutter mind," I hissed.

"I am not good at English," Mr. Quizas apologized with a heavy accent, "Please help us. There is a... villain who calls himself the Matador. He is attempting to take over the world, starting with Spain," That made a lot more sense now.

"No problem. Where is he?" Hego asked.

"In the center of town," Mr. Quizas said, pointing down the road, "He is planning something. Jesus, ayúdeles," he commanded. Jesus nodded and signaled us to follow him.

It was a beautiful city made up mostly of tall brick buildings baked by the sun. The alley ways we walked down were narrow, and far more people walked rather than drove. They talked amongst themselves, only occasionally glancing at us.

"They're all speaking Spanish," Mego complained. I stopped and stared at him.

"That has to be the stupidest comment that you have ever said," I told him.

"Aren't we in Spain?" Wego 2 asked.

"I think that's why it's a stupid comment," Wego 1 answered.

"How am I supposed to know where we are? I don't speak Spanish," Mego griped.

"You watch the Discovery Channel and look around to see if you remember it," I muttered. Jesus straightened, and then pulled out a phone. He talked quickly and rapidly into it.

He motioned us to hurry and quietly follow him. We snaked our way through the crowds. Moving shadows mirrored us, complimenting our every move as we went on. Did other cultures besides Japan and China have ninjas, I wondered.

We came to what had to be the center of town. The streets were wide enough for cars to pass through and there was a large fountain right there in the center... Which some guy appeared on top of in a poof of smoke as soon as we came into the area.

He had a large, beaten-up sombrero that had paper clips and feathers dangling off of it like a lame fishing hat. He was dressed in an old bull fighter's uniform, the sequins hurting my eyes as they reflected in the sun.

The citizens ran screaming and scattered. The strange man laughed when he saw us.

"¿Así pues, ustedes piensan que usted pueden detenerme? Soy el Matador, y ustedes no son nada más que suciedad bajo mis pies. Con esto..." he held up a remote control of some sort, "¡Asumiré el control del mundo!"

My brothers and I exchanged glances. You know, it would be nice if the villains spoke English, at least, or had a translator.

There was the grating sound of gates rising up from all of the alleys that flowed into the center. Jesus glanced back at the alleyway we had come from. His eyes widened.

"El encierro..." He muttered. He turned to us, "¡Correr! ¡Correr!" He shouted. My eyes widened.

"Run!" I yelled to my brothers.

We scattered, not sure where to run or what we were running from. The shadows came out of hiding, launching themselves at either what was coming for us or at the Matador. The sound of hoofbeats reverberated off the walls, sounding like a whole herd of something, coming at us from all angles. And then, I saw their cold black eyes, their dark smooth hides, their rippling muscles just underneath. And their bone white, sharpened twin horns.

"I thought the Running of the Bulls was in July!" Hego yelled over the sound of their hoofbeats.

"Like villains pay attention to the time of year!" I yelled back, dodging out of the way.

That was all I could do. The only bull I had ever really seen was Tuffy at the fair. He had been there every year at the exotic animal barn of the fair since I can remember. I had fed bread to him (with permission from his owner, which my father had bowled with) and laughed as he accidentally licked my hand in his eagerness. But Tuffy was behind a cage, and Tuffy didn't get angry in the least, so I never thought about how huge Tuffy was and how that weight could easily crush me. Hiding behind Hego was starting to sound like a really good option.

Half of the Spanish ninja/secret agent men were fighting the Matador, who had amazing dexterity and balance. The other half were luring the bulls away, laughing and yelling, "¡El encierro!" to each other. I watched as the Matador accidentally hit a little joystick thing and then glanced at the bulls.

The bulls all swayed slightly to the left. My eyes widened.

"The bulls are microchipped!" I exclaimed. Not like that was anything new; most villains were control freaks. It did explain a lot.

Jesus turned to me.

"¿Que?" He asked. Aw, crap, why couldn't Hego have heard me and figure out a way to tell them.

I pointed at the remote, and then at the bulls, multiple times. He nodded.

"¡Si! ¡Yo comprende!" Yes! I understand! He started to yell at his amigos rapidly.

That's when I caught sight of the twins. A group of bulls had them and their multiples cornered, all escape routes cut off. They weren't that old then. Seven, I think? Anyway, I flipping had a heart attack.

They say that a mother, in that moment of adrenaline when she realizes her child's in danger, has the strength to lift a car. I had the strength to wrestle bulls, or at least push them out of my way.

"WEGOS!!" I shouted. They retracted their multiples.

"Shego!" They called at the same time.

I scooped them up, one under each arm, and ran like a cheetah on speed with rocket boosters locked onto its paws. I blasted any bull that dared cross my path and crashed down the door into a small shop.

"Stay here, you hear me?!" I snapped. They nodded submissively.

"Wish Hego would have gotten the red glow," Wego 1 muttered. I shut, locked, and practically welded that door closed.

The moment of adrenaline passed as I realized they were safe. Unfortunetely, my super human strength vanished and the bulls were staring right at me, slightly ticked at being shot with green plasma. I screamed like the gender I was and ran for it.

"Run, Shego, run!" Mego yelled sarcastically, sounding like that person from Forest Gump.

But I wasn't fast enough for one bull. I screamed even harder as I was lifted high into the air, a bull's horn where the good Lord split me. It went deeper and deeper in, and I screamed harder and harder, tears coming to my eyes. After an eternity, the bull tossed its head, sending me flying into a brick wall. I was unconscious before I even realized the bull had let go.

&

I moaned as I woke up. You'd think hitting a brick wall would be the worst of my pain, but the sharp stab coming from my rectal region was ten times more horrible than my headache.

"Shego?" Hego asked, leaning over me. I gave a low whine, clenching my cheeks. It only increased the pain. I whimpered.

"Shoot, that's gotta be one of the worst injuries ever. I mean, seriously, there was so much blood coming out they thought you bursted an artery," Mego snickered.

"I want morphine," I muttered. I glanced around, "We're back in Go City?"

"Yeah, you've been out for awhile. After the bleeding stopped, both from the attic and the basement, they transferred you in a helicopter. Oh, and Spain is grateful for our success in defeating the Matador," Hego added. I sighed.

"Spiderman saves the mayor's daughter and gets the key to NYC. We stop a maniac and one of us gets injured in the process, all we get is Spain's gratitude," I groaned.

"We're not Team Impossible," Mego reminded me. I glanced over as the door opened. Mom was laughing, shaking her head.

"Only you, Shego, my daughter. Only you could get a bull's horn to rupture a vein in your ass, not to mention tick off your nerve tissue," I smirked. That was my luck.

"If Jesus doesn't go to the Sadie Hawkin's dance with me after all this, I'm going to be soooooooo ticked," I said.

They kept me in the hospital overnight, and I was released the next day with butt meds and instruction not to sit as much as possible, and no physical activity. My friends got a kick out of it, saying the exact same thing as my mom, "Only you, Shego. Only you." How was I going to explain that one to my teachers?

The P.E. teacher was the only one who really made a stink out of it, but after a visit to my mom's office, she was convinced I wasn't forging. The really interesting reaction came from Dr. Lipsky. He looked at the doctor's note, then at me, then at the note, then at me.

"You've got to be making this up," he insisted. I shook my head.

"It's the real deal."

"A ruptured vein...in your butt?"

"Truth is stranger than fiction, Dr. L," Golden Arrow said, coming up behind me.

"I _could not_ make this up," I said, laughing. Dr. Lipsky smirked.

"I guess you really couldn't. Okay, I won't force you to sit down for fear of hurting...your butt," he couldn't help but crack up as he said it. I smiled. I have to admit, it's hilarious.

As long as it doesn't happen to you.

&

"Well, to begin today's meeting, after a whole month Shego's butt has made a full and complete recovery," Hego announced. My brothers applauded me. I made a big show as I sat down in my chair. You know, you really take sitting for granted, too, "And, as a side note, making "The Hampster Dance" our theme song would infringe on copyrights," There was a collective "awwwwww" from the rest of the group, "I know, I know, I was heartbroken when the people on Yahoo! Answers told me that, too. Mego, didn't you say you had something?" Mego puffed up his chest.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I have discovered the first Rubix cube, created by the Egyptians roughly in the BC area," he pulled out from behind his back a bronze pyramid, decorated with intricate markings and hieroglyphics. We all "ohhhh"ed and "ahhhh"ed appropriately.

"Did you get this from the mission in Cairo?" Wego 2 asked.

"Yeah."

"Where'd you get it from?" Hego asked. Mego pursed his lips.

"I may have found it among the possessions of a certain villain."

"You stole from a villain?"

"That can't be considered stealing if it's an already stolen item! Besides," he tossed the pyramid up and down, "I'll give it back to the Smithsonian. That is, after I'm done with my paper on the Rubix cube."

"For what class?" I asked, swiping it from him.

"Hey!" He whined. I twisted the levels around.

"Aren't Rubix cubes supposed to be...cubes? Isn't that the point of matching everything up?"

"Be careful with that, Shego! It's an ancient artifact, probably the only one still so perfectly preserved," Hego scolded me. I sighed, tossing it back to Mego.

"Whatever class it's for, I doubt the "history of the Rubix cube" is a legitimate topic for your paper," I warned him.

At the back of my mind was the fact that, now that I could sit and not irritated my tender nerves, I could finally drive my truck. My truck!! With its new parts and interior courtesy of the villainesses (a Get Well/Sucks to be You gift), I was all set. Tomorrow was going to rock!

&

I woke up the next morning, the thought of driving my truck in my head. I swung my legs over and prepared to stand...

...I fell four feet to the ground. I gave a small, surprised sound...which sounded like a high pitched squeal. I grasped my throat. My voice was strangely high this morning. I glanced at my bed. Since when did I have a bunk bed?

"Sweetie, are you all right?" I heard a familiar male voice call. What was Avarius doing here, calling me sweetie? I glanced around my room...only it wasn't my room. It was still familiar, though.

I ran to the vanity. War Hawk's lavender eyes were staring back at me.

&

Whoa, this chapter was NOT supposed to be so long. Oh well, guess I got carried away. Special thanks to charis-chan for checking my Spanish grammar and word useage. Jesus would have had pretty bad español if it wasn't for her. I greatly appreciate it. And, as always, please review.


	10. A Day in the Life of War Hawk

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

"Sweetie, are you all right?" Avarius asked again, this time from right outside the door, "I heard a crash."

"I'm fine...Dad," I forced the word out. I'd have to save my hysterics for a more private moment, "Just fell off my bed, that's all. Clumsy me," I laughed.

"You don't usually sleep in so late. Did you catch that bug that's been going around?" He asked worriedly.

"Nope, just catching up on my beauty sleep," I assured him, staring at myself. This couldn't be happening. _How_ could this be happening? I pinched myself, and then slapped myself. Nope. By some twist of fate, I was now my best friend.

I showered and dressed with my eyes closed. Even we weren't that close of friends. She was so small. I mean yeah, you could tell she was petite compared to most girls, but to actually _feel_ the difference between her and me... I know I'm not exactly an ideal weight, but I could feel her hipbone poking out, and her stomach caved slightly inward. How did she manage to fly with such a frail body?

The most amazing thing was that I wasn't hungry. At all. I was tempted to skip breakfast for fear of seeing Avarius, but the image of my mother stopped that temptation in its tracks. No matter what I did, no matter what I said, Mom always caught me and practically forced breakfast down my throat.

"Breakfast is what gets your metabolism, and the rest of your body for that matter, started. You just went eight or so hours without any food. Whatever you've got going can wait ten minutes for you to have a piece of toast or something," Was her speech. She wasn't a strict mother, but she had a couple set-in-stone rules, and eating breakfast was one of them.

Avarius was at the dining room table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper. He was dressed simply in a red plaid shirt and jeans, not a hint of his bird costume to be seen. I've gotten used to seeing villains outside their costumes; Killigan has a lumberjack coat and Monkey Fist has been known to wear sweats on occasion. Back then, though, the only villains I had seen outside their costumes were the villainesses. He looked up calmly as I came by and smiled.

"Morning, morning glory," he said. This surprised me; it wasn't a reference to a bird.

"Morning, Dad," I replied politely.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes," I must've if I went to bed Shego and woke up the next morning War Hawk.

I winced as a sudden pain ripped through my lower torso. It didn't leave, though it did slightly get better. I got a bowl of Cheerios and went back to the dining room. As you might've guessed, I've spent a lot of time around the Nest, while Avarius was away.

He was silent, watching me eat. I felt a little self-conscious; was I doing something wrong? Was there some little thing I had never noticed about War Hawk that was a tell-tale sign that I wasn't her? Was he still thinking about me sleeping in late? Was I eating too much or too little? Did War Hawk not eat breakfast at home?

"Chloe, I know why you slept in," he stated. Oh snap. He used her real name less than _I_ did. I wouldn't put it past Avarius to guess correctly.

I froze as he looked me directly in the eye.

"If you didn't want to have a father-daughter day, you could've just told me," he said softly. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that I looked absolutely stunned.

"No, no, it's not that!" I quickly assured him, "I was just really tired, honest!" He smirked, arching an eyebrow.

"Too many late nights with Golden Arrow catching up with you, eh? Just as long as you keep up with your school work... and stay away from that Tigress girl," he shook his head, "That girl has no limits and a thousand dirty, cruel, harmful tricks up her furry sleeve. Mark my words, War Hawk, people will end up dead around her."

He was preaching to the choir.

"I try. You can't always get away from her, though."

"Especially with the crowd you hang out with, your "peeps"," he agreed. I finished and rinsed the bowl and spoon off before setting it in the dishwasher, "By the way, someone keeps calling. I don't recognize the number, and they hang up once they hear me answer," his face fell, "Is there a boy?" He growled. I laughed.

"No, Dad," I assured him, jogging off. This was so awkward, and he had no idea.

I picked up the phone and dialed my number, taking the cordless back up to War Hawk's room.

"Hello?" I recognized my voice on the other line. It's weird how your voice sounds different inside of your head than outside.

"Ohmygoshohmygosh," I started saying.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshwhathappenedtous?!" She screeched.

"I have no idea!" I exclaimed.

"Well, then, how do we switch back?"

"I don't know. Did you eat any fortune cookies?"

"Be serious!" She sighed, "Listen, I'm cashing in my favor. We're not going to tell anyone outside of the villainesses about this, okay? Not your brothers, not your mother, not my dad, not anyone. I'm barely passing myself off as you as it is, and if Hego knew...if Hego knew..."

"Okay, I get it, no telling," Yeah, how awkward would that be? Hey, Avarius, you might have noticed I've been acting weird. Well, I'm actually Shego who switched bodies with your daughter on accident. Sorry, "I'm sure between all of us, we'll figure something out."

"Yeah, definitely. We just need to hold out until then. Oh crap."

"What?"

"I promised Dad I'd spend the day with him. I've been blowing it off for so long now..."

"Day with Avarius, no problem."

"Seriously?" I snorted.

"Don't sound so confident," I said sarcastically, "Besides, I'm pretty sure I got the better end of the deal," I added as I heard feet pounding towards her.

"Shego, you have to see the crap Wego 2 took! I don't even know how it got out! Seriously!" Mego yelled, laughing. War Hawk moaned.

"Yell "That's nasty, leave me alone"."

"Thanks. Talk to you if I survive this."

"Ditto," I hung up, "Ah!" I shrieked as the pain came back, fierce and angry. And I had to go.

To leave out the gory details, War Hawk failed to mention she was due for her time of the month. And that she was completely out of supplies, even Pamprin. There were no females in the lair besides War Hawk, except for the birds, but they aren't mammals.

Great, just terrific.

I got a pair of shoes, her purse and found her car keys on top of her dresser. She was the only villainess who obtained her car in a legal fashion; saving her paycheck. Whether Avarius got the money for her paycheck legally was a questionable manner. It was a mustard yellow '85 El Camino. She's upgraded since then, but keeps that butt ugly car I refer to as the Pimp Mobile for sentimental purposes.

"Where you off to, hummingbird?" There we go. I was waiting for the bird talk. I turned to Avarius, who was sitting in the living room, shoes and coat on.

"Oh, well, I gotta go get something from the store real quick, and then we can start father-daughter day," To my horror, he stood up.

"I can go with you," he offered. I shook my head.

"Don't think you want to," he looked pretty hurt by that. I scrambled for something to say, "It's a girl thing."

Yes. The phrase that makes grown men (or at least Drakken) stick fingers in their ears and scream "lalalalalala". The phrase that made my dad run from the room and scream for Mom. The phrase that my brothers said to each other to explain whenever I did something they didn't understand. Avarius, however, apparently did not know the code phrase for, "Dad, I don't want to talk about that with you or have you with me". He just rolled his eyes.

"I know you've needed bras," he stated a little louder than necessary.

I turned the darkest shade red imaginable. Arch enemies and talk of female undergarments never went together comfortably.

"How about we just go to the mall so I can grab my stuff while you...do whatever you do," I compromised.

So we drove the Pimp Mobile to Crystal Springs Mall, which size rivals the Mall of America. Avarius chatted like a caffinated five-year-old and I tried to sound like War Hawk. I didn't know how they interacted outside of work, but Avarius didn't question me. I must've been saying something right.

I slipped into Bullseye, a department store that was in competition with Smarty Mart. Avarius looked suspicious when I passed by the junior's department and headed towards the cosmetics.

"I don't see why you wanted to leave me behind while you restocked your makeup," he said.

"Dad, I didn't come here for makeup," I turned around and then said in the softest audible voice, "I'm on my period and I need supplies."

Avarius took it a lot more maturely than any male I've ever uttered the "p" word to. He straightened and his eyes widened as if to say "oh". And then, without thinking, repeated it so everyone within a 3 aisle radius could hear him.

"You're on your period?"

My hands flew to his mouth.

"Avarius!" And then, in a very soft tone, "Yes, and I need to buy some supplies. Fast," I took my hands off. He laughed.

"You could've just told me. It's nothing to be embarrassed about," he insisted.

"Yeah, but it's not exactly something I want to bring up," I muttered.

We separated then on our search for items no one wants to hear about. I was glancing down a row of pink and purple boxes when I heard an unpleasant purr behind me.

"Look what the cat coughed up," I rolled my eyes and turned to a delighted Tigress.

"We really need to stop meeting. At all," I hissed. Her eyebrows raised.

"Little temper there, huh? Been hanging around _Shego_ too much?" Oops. I saw Tigress and my resolve disappeared. I am submissive, I am caring, I am shy, I am in love with Hego, I am War Hawk.

"Why are you here?" I tried to add a little sugar to my tone. Tigress shrugged.

"Just looking around, seeing if there's anything worth coming after hours for. You?"

"Same here."

"Whatcha looking for?" I shrugged, trying to copy her nonchalance.

"Nothing in particular."

Interrupting the rare moment of peace with Tigress, from several aisles away, Avarius screamed.

"ARE YOU A TAMPON OR A PAD KIND OF GIRL, CHICKADEE?!"

I. Wanted. To. Die. And I wasn't even War Hawk.

Tigress burst out laughing, gripping at her sides. My cheeks burned and I covered them with my hands. I heard a thud as Tigress hit the ground, kicking her legs and laughing out loud to a degree no one should "lol" to. Avarius appeared innocently at the end of the aisle.

"Did you hear me, sweetheart?" He asked. My hands fell to my sides.

"Who didn't hear you?!" I snapped, hormonal tears prick my eyes. There is nothing more dangerous, more completely absorbing than estrogen, and I know guys don't understand it. It's like a hurricane of mood swings, and the only thing you can do is to ride them out. So this humiliation, in that moment, had been magnified to a hundred times worse than it really was because of the estrogen. Combined with an unfamiliar cycle and mood pattern, and I was helpless to War Hawk's hormones. A few stray tears escaped despite how stupid the situation was.

A relative of mine once introduced me to a phrase called "divine imprecation". "Divine" is like heavenly or coming from above or insert belief about a power beyond our own here. "Imprecation" is pretty much giving someone a curse. Essentially, it's karma coming to bite you in the butt. A lovely bit of divine imprecation came upon Tigress just then, via the intercom system in Bullseye.

"Hilary Felina, this is your mother and boss speaking," Tigress stopped laughing as a familiar Russian accent spoke, "I don't care what your excuse for wandering off is. I have sent your sister out to look for you and I am still in the junior's department. You find your sister and come back here. Bra shopping is not mandatory, though the alternative is me picking them out for you. Trust me, you do not want that."

...I thought my mom was cruel.

&

After the Tigress incident, Avarius vanished. I bought some supplies, went to the restroom, and (after buying them) hid them in War Hawk's purse. I wandered around the mall after that. Where had Avarius gone off to?

I was in Goth Central checking out the black nail polish when I felt someone come up beside me.

"I didn't know you liked stuff like this," I glanced to my right. Mego was casually looking over the spiked bracelets that were next to the nail polish display.

"Yeah, well, Daddy Dearest doesn't really allow this kind of thing," I dangled a nail polish container and then set it back down, "What about Mrs. Go? I wouldn't think she'd be too proud of her boy wearing _that_," I pointed to the bracelets.

"Mom had some paperwork to do and told Shego to take us to the mall. She didn't even notice that I snuck away, she's so spaced out today," I smirked. He shoved his hands into his pockets, "Hego _promised_ he'd take me to Game Loco to try out Off Safety 2: Death Sentence-" I straightened.

"With the new Execution Style fire pattern?!" He arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Wanna check it out?"

"Let's go!" I was halfway out the door, dragging Mego behind me, before he even finished.

We had a blast at Game Loco testing Off Safety 2: Death Sentence. We compared the difference between it and the first Off Safety, and agreed Off Safety 2 was way better. It was two player, and though we could go against each other, we played co-op.

"You're not the girl I thought you were," Mego commented as he reloaded, shooting off-screen.

"Is that good or bad?" I shot at a vampire soldier.

"Good, really good," he shot at another vampire that had almost bitten me, "Actually, you kinda remind me of Shego."

"Have I been acting like her?" I asked worriedly.

"A little," he admitted as we ducked down in unison, "You know, Shego's pretty cool...for a girl anyway. I like hanging out with her. You won't tell her I said that, will you?" The alarm in his voice caused me to laugh.

"Course not," we stood back up, "Aw!" My timing was off. I was killed by a mutant general.

Mego misaimed and was shot to death. We looked at each other and smiled.

"War Hawk!" Metaphor exclaimed, running into the store. Golden Arrow, Artica, and Mischief were right on her tail.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Something is terribly, terribly wrong with Shego. Something must have happened to her," Artica said gravely. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Brace yourself," Mischief warned like Martin Luther King Jr.

"Shego...does NOT want to go...to..."Bricks of Fury"," Golden Arrow said slowly.

"WHAT?!" Mego and I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know," Metaphor shook her head, "We were just about to steal Shego when Hego came running over with the news about "Bricks of Fury" coming out a week early. Her response?"

"That movie sounds so stupid," Mischief said in the exact tone I would have used after an especially lame trailer.

"No way! Shego's been waiting for this since seeing the teaser trailer a year ago," Mego stated.

"Who wouldn't want to go see a movie about a night security guard who brandishes his own form of justice using a cinder block?"

That was when I got stares.

"Chloe, you've hated "Bricks of Fury" since you first heard the plotline," Golden Arrow reminded me.

Oh snap.

"Hey, Mego, Hego was looking for you. You guys are going to the matinee," Artica said, not taking her eyes off of me.

Mego and I glanced at each other. He gave me a "sucks to be you" look and then wandered out. The minute he left, Mischief, Metaphor, Golden Arrow, and Artica closed in on me.

"What's going on with you and Shego?" Golden Arrow demanded, her voice low. I shook my head.

"It's crazy," I warned them.

"Not as crazy as you and Shego totally switching positions about "Bricks of Fury"," Mischief chided like Mrs. Huxtable from "The Bill Cosby Show".

"Since when do you play video games with Mego and Shego is uncomfortable around Hego? She went into American Eagle!" Artica exclaimed. I outwardly cringed. I wouldn't be caught dead in such a mediocre store.

"Since we switched places," I said matter-of-factly. The girls looked at each other.

"Isn't that a therapy exercise?" Metaphor said hesitantly.

"No, like we switched brains or bodies or something. She's me and I'm her." They looked at each other again. Artica snorted.

"No way," she insisted. Golden Arrow shook her head.

"Can't do it. It's impossible to switch bodies," she stated.

"You have any other explanation?" There was a pause. Mischief snapped her fingers.

"You two have been _hypnotized,_" she said like the host from "The Twilight Zone".

We all shook our heads and bluntly stated, "No!". Mischief stuck out her lip.

"'Kay, then. _Prove_ you're really Shego," Artica challenged.

Just as she said that, War Hawk (I?) came jogging into Game Loco.

"Please, please don't make me go to "Bricks of Fury"," she begged, pressing the ticket into my hand.

"As much as I'd love to, I really should go find your dad. There was an incident in Bullseye..." Golden Arrow cracked up.

"You were in there?!" I laughed.

"Even better, she was there with me," I turned to War Hawk/myself, "You should go. You're the one who doesn't want my brothers to find out."

"Well, I'm convinced," Metaphor spoke up. We all looked at her and she shrugged, "I can tell when something's been planned, and that right there," she motioned at War Hawk and I, "Wasn't planned."

"That wasn't acting, either. They were completely in character. That is, if they were in each other's bodies," Mischief mused like George Lucas.

"You can't switch bodies unless you surgically remove their brains and somehow implanted them into each other's bodies. And I don't see any stitches," Golden Arrow stated.

"Shego, they already know that I don't want to see "Bricks of Fury", cover or not. I don't think I can endure much more of your brothers. Please?" She unleashed the puppy dog pout. I smiled.

"Fine. I'll suffer through the movie just so you can go do whatever," We embraced and I went to the theater.

The boys turned and stared at me as I trotted up to them.

"Shego didn't want to waste the ticket, and I'm apparently the only one she could track down," I white-lied. Hego Turned back to the concession stand line, rolling his eyes. The twins turned back to their imaginary war game. Mego smiled at me and came to stand beside me.

"I'm glad you came, or I'd be stuck with these losers," I giggled. He was so cute when he was trying to act all masculine. We went into the theater and, as usual, Mego and I sat in the front row while Hego and the twins sat in the middle somewhere.

"Man, you are so secretly like my sis," Mego said approvingly.

"You talk a lot about her," I noticed. He shrugged.

"We understand each other. She's pretty cool when she isn't being all cranky and whatever," he settled into his seat, "I totally dig her personality in a girl. Not like I would date Shego, big ew!, but a girl like her..." I took his hand.

"I think you're too young to be thinking about girls," I reprimanded him. He groaned.

"That's what Hego says."

"Bricks of Fury" was awesome, way more so than I imagined, however as the series progressed through the years it got worse and worse. The first one was one of my favorites and to share it with Mego... it was one of the few bonding moments we've spent alone together. And, until the end, it was a good memory.

Then, the final scene went mushy. The guy's girlfriend freaks out after she find out he's the guy killing all the crime lords. The ending would have been way better if the girl walks in on him killing someone, he looks up and sees her, they stare a minute, she states "I don't know you anymore", and then she walks away. But no, they have to discuss morals for twenty minutes. Watching Mego, though, he seemed to be concentrating on something else instead of being bored to tears like me.

He yawned, which caused me to yawn of course. I was just about to whisper to him how lame this was when his arm wrapped around my shoulders. I turned to him.

"Are you cold?" I asked. He gave a sly smile.

"Not next to someone so hot." I shrieked and scrambled away, "What?" Mego asked innocently.

"Did you just try to hit on me?!"

"Yeah," I screamed bloody murder, clutching my ears. Mego frowned, "Oh, I see. You wouldn't mind if _Hego_ hit on you."

"Yes, I would very much mind!" I stood up. Mego blocked my path.

"What does Hego have that I don't, huh?! Is it the super strength?! Well, is it?!" I ran up the aisle, "Don't waste your time with him! PICK THE HOTTER BROTHER! DID OUR OFF SAFETY 2 CO-OP MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!"

I nearly ran over War Hawk.

"Wow. Is it really that bad?" I grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Mego just hit on me! I've unintentionally created a horrible Bermuda Love Triangle!" I ran screaming from the theater, hands still over my ears.

That. Was. So. Wrong. Next time I saw him, after the shock had worn off, I was going to slap the romance right out of that boy. He was my little brother, my sweet innocent brother whose only concern was video games and being well-liked at school. He wasn't suppose to like girls until he was 37. What had gone wrong?!

I calmed down by the time I got to the food court, and I dropped my hands to my sides. Avarius was sitting alone, idly glancing at the bright neon restaurant signs. I went to the borderline dirty table and sat across from him.

"Hey, Dad," his glazed-over eyes turned to me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wouldn't want you to be seen with me," he stood up. I grabbed his wrist reflexively.

"Dad!" He looked down at me.

"I don't want to embarrass you," he said bitterly.

"You aren't embarrassing me," I insisted. His eyes softened.

"It's almost 2. You want to grab a bite to eat?"

"Sure," I agreed.

I easily ordered War Hawk's usual; a small Ceasar salad with a mango peach smoothie. Avarius ordered fish and chips with a berry smoothie. We sat back down at the borderline dirty table.

"What have you been up to?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing much. A shop here and there. I did catch a movie with Golden Arrow."

"That's nice. I saw them around here and assumed you "hooked up" with them," he sighed, "I'm sorry about what happened in Bullseye."

"Hey, it's okay. Tigress got it back," It was a little sympathizing, seeing Avarius this way. So...normal. And sad.

"I've been trying to work on my volume level, but I guess I'm not trying hard enough," I played with my crotons.

"I'm sorry, too. I said I was going to spend the day with you, and I kind of ran off."

"That's all right," he stirred his smoothie, "I just need to wrap my noggin around the fact that you're a teenager now, and that you'd rather be with your friends," he looked up at me, "I want to be part of your life, Chloe. I just want to be kept in the loop. To hang out with you like this every once in awhile," he got a startled look in his eye and then shook his head.

"What?"

"It's nothing, just the birds."

There is a lot of irony in the superhero or supervillain line of work. One of the biggest is War Hawk's absolute hatred of birds. She couldn't stand a single species. If given the chance, she would kill one or two and blame it on natural causes. Avarius, on the other hand, was a vegetarian and absolutely in love with birds. But not like a crazy vegetarian who won't wear wool or drink milk. He just didn't eat meat besides fish. And was obsessed with birds.

"Do you want to head back with me or hang out here?" I was startled from my vegetarian and bird analysis, Avarius standing up. I stood up.

"I'll go with you," I said. His eyes lit up, and it was worth going against War Hawk's personality.

I learned a couple things about Avarius and more than I ever wanted to know about the hundreds of birds he cared for as we worked together caring for them that afternoon. Tucked away in the woods, a fair walk from the lair, was a roost/nest/coop/gathering-of-birds-in-a-building. It was a bird sanctuary he and War Hawk's mother had started after their honeymoon. The majority of the birds were injured, crippled for life, or unable to be released back into the wild. He was very loving with them, treating them like they were his own children (creepy but mostly sweet). He had named the permanent residents, including a young one-winged falcon named Robin.

"She seems to like you," he noted as she affectionately groomed a lock of hair from her perch. I petted her feathers.

"She reminds me of Mom," I said quietly, remembering War Hawk's mother. Avarius nodded.

"That's why I named her after your mother." Oh. I thought it was irony, because she was a falcon. He patted me on the back, "You become more and more like her everyday; beautiful, kind, intelligent. I love you so much," I smiled.

"I love you too, Dad." He was such a sweet pea!

We were silent for a while and then, in a low voice, he started to sing a song even I had heard him coo to War Hawk.

"Chloe, Chloe, I've been woeing, what a sad world this would be, if all the Chloes were transported far across the deep blue sea."

He couldn't carry a tune, but I never heard anyone sing so sweetly.

&

"I left you to the wolves yesterday, didn't I? Between your brothers and my dad..."

"Actually, your dad is pretty cool."

"And utterly embarrassing. He still treats me like a little girl."

I spread out on the living room couch as I talked to War Hawk on the phone. Nothing had happened last night, so we were still in each other's bodies.

"Chloe, I would kill for a dad like yours. He just wants to be part of your life. You're so lucky; my dad has never tried to hang out with me one on one."

"What about your mom? I don't exactly see you spending as much time as she'd like with her."

"All she ever wants to do with me is turn me into her villainess prodigy."

"I'm just saying you're sounding really hypocritical right now," I hung up on her out of anger, sighing in frustration. I lay there, not feeling like getting up.

The phone rang a few minutes later. I was hesitant to pick it up, but decided to anyway.

"Hello?"

"Shego? It's Metaphor."

"Oh, hey Metaphor."

"Any reason why no one's answering at the Go Tower?" She asked.

"War Hawk and I had a little spat. She probably thought you were me calling back."

"Oh, well that's not good to be fighting like that while you're switched. This whole mind thing got me curious, so I've been looking it up all over the place," I perked up.

"Really? What'd you find?"

"Well, it all comes down to two kinds of switching brains; the sci-fi kind and the fantasy kind. Okay, so do you guys remember the switch?"

"No, we were both sleeping."

"And this was...?"

"The night before we saw you at the mall."

"Been hooked up to any machines lately?"

"Not that I know of. Are you going down some checklist?"

"A self-made one, yes. Have you come across any ancient artifacts, relics, etc.?" I pursed my lips.

"Come to think of it, Mego and I were messing around with some old pyramid thing he picked up from a mission in Cairo."

"That sounds promising. I'll talk to War Hawk and then I'll come pick you up."

"'Kay, bye," I hung up and went to go get some shoes and a coat on.

Avarius saw me when I came back down.

"Where you off to, hummingbird?" He asked.

"Just going to go hang out with Metaphor," I said. Just at that moment, the doorbell rang. Avarius went with me to the door.

And there, standing innocently in front of us, was my body, complete with my Team Go uniform. Avarius went rigid, a snarl on his face.

"Shego!" He hissed. She smirked. After an agonizing pause, Avarius laughed and shook his finger at her, "You sly fox. You got me that time," he admitted. Metaphor changed back to her normal scaly self, laughing.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Can I borrow your daughter for a bit?"

"Sure. What are you up to?"

"Oh, just checking out an Egyptian artifact I stole, watch the latest dirt on Team Go, maybe do some homework, the usual."

"Have her back by nine, all right? She's been having some unusual sleeping habits lately."

"Yes, sir. Come on, War Hawk."

She cracked up when we got into her car.

"Oh man, Team Go is in an uproar!" She exclaimed.

"What do you mean?"

"You know that interview you did post-busted-butt?"

"That was forever ago," I stated. Did they run out of good human interest pieces or something? "So, what's the big deal? Did it turn out crappy?"

"Worse. They edited it. "Shego: Running With the Wrong Crowd?" is a classic example of the press taking a perfectly innocent interview and twist it into something far from what you meant to say."

"Oh man. The "hang out with villains" thing?"

"Yep, the "hang out with villains thing"."

"That title is so wrong. I'm not running with the wrong crowd, I'm running with the right crowd!" She laughed and we knuckle-bumped.

"Don't you know it!"

Later on, after this whole brain switching mess, I watched it. They _had_ twisted it to make me sound like I was hanging with the bad crowd, including some footage from the security camera the night we stole the engine (I highly suspect Artica selling the tape to them. She's not above such a thing). The reporter said some dumb concerning stuff about my future. Hego wasn't so much concerned about my future at that time than how it "slandered the Team Go image". That kind of media splicing is what drove me over the edge most times. I'm human; I make mistakes, more than most and yes I'm on a pedestal as a super heroine, but that doesn't mean you have to zoom in on it. All you can do is try.

We rang the doorbell and there was some agitated barking. I furrowed my eyebrows. What was up with Go-go? War Hawk opened the door. We looked at each other and then embraced. As simple as that, our stupid spat was forgotten.

Go-go stood nearby, anger burning in her eyes.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" I asked, scratching her behind the ear.

"That isn't my mommy. I don't know what happened, or where my real mommy is, but that is a fraud right there," she said bitterly, glaring at War Hawk. War Hawk shrugged as if to say, _What can I do? The do knows things, all right?_

"The pyramid's up in Mego's room," War Hawk stated. We followed her up.

Mego was on his computer playing some violent game when we came in. He glared at War Hawk.

"You could've knocked. Geez, don't you know anything about privacy?"

"Knock, knock," War Hawk said sarcastically, knocking on his head. I grinned, thinking that was something I'd do, "We're just gonna check on your pyramid Rubix cube real quick..."

"Shego, don't! That's for my project!" He whined.

"I'm not gonna break it!" She retorted. Mego looked warily at Metaphor, and then smiled at me. I pointed at him.

"You say something and I'll beat you so hard your sister's bull accident will look like a scratch," I warned. He spun back around to his computer.

Metaphor picked up the pyramid, holding it close to her eyes.

"Whoa. Someone was very attentive to detail. Look at these markings," she held it close to War Hawk and I.

"Wow. They're like tiny hieroglyphics," War Hawk said.

"Not "like". They _are_ tiny hieroglyphics. This little staff thing is repeated over and over again. It's the symbol for life," My head jerked up.

"How do you know this stuff?" Metaphor smirked.

"Research, nothing _you'd_ know about," she teased, "Besides, ancient Egypt is an area of interest to me," Mego snickered.

"You _look_ like something the Nile coughed up."

"Shut up, Mego. Now these other symbols all link to the life symbols," she showed us as she turned the different levels, "They all must represent a special group of people...or animals. To reverse this, we have to get these all aligned back to where they were before you messed with it."

"How do we know they're aligned?" War Hawk asked. Metaphor shook her head.

"Sleep on it like you two did, hoping we get the right alignment."

"Shego, you know Mom doesn't allow tinkering with dark arts."

"This isn't dark arts, Mego, and Mom doesn't have to know," I snapped.

"I think I have War Hawk," Metaphor announced, "There's Nekbet's symbol, the goddess with the wings. At least, if these symbols are supposed to make sense. I might have you, too, Shego."

"Is that some kind of fortune teller?"

"Shut up, Mego!" We all exclaimed. He threw his hands up in surrender.

Metaphor set it down and crossed her fingers. War Hawk and I did the same.

"Anybody else up for lunch?" War Hawk asked. We went out of Mego's room, "You're ALWAYS hungry!" She said, shocked. I laughed.

"Maybe to someone like you, whose never hungry!" I teased, nudging her playfully.

&

"Mmm," I groaned, opening one eye. My alarm clock read 4:00 a.m., and the radio was on some crappy metal station.

I was going to kill whichever brother did that.

For a moment, I thought I was myself again. I wasn't looking over a bunk bed. I stretched and yawned. Ew, what was that smell? Or that smell? Or that smell? I glanced down. These weren't my blankets. Crap. I had never been in this room before, and I couldn't imagine who slept on a broken mattress in a bundle of blankets on the floor and woke up at 4 in the morning. I hit the snooze button several times before finally getting up at 5. I stumbled to the light switch.

Oh. My. Gosh. I rubbed my eyes, and then rubbed them again, but the room didn't change from its black, gray, and white colors. Who did I know that was color blind?! I ran to the adjoining bathroom and flipped the switch.

Golden Arrow was staring back at me, Tigress in the mirror beside her.

"I didn't know Golden Arrow was color-blind," I murmured. Then, Golden Arrow stepped forward while I stayed in place. She rustled my hair playfully.

"You're the color blind one, silly kitty."

&

Please review.


	11. A Day in the Lives of Tigress and

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

I screamed bloody murder, causing Golden Arrow to jump back.

"Geez, warn me before you give a horrified scream at your reflection!" She exclaimed and then calmed down, "You slept in this morning," she commented. I turned to her.

"I'm Tigress," I said quietly. She patted me on the head.

"Good job," she said like she was talking to a small child. She rolled her eyes, "Hurry up. I don't want to be late. Again."

"No, Golden Arrow, I'm Tigress. I'm my worst enemy!"

"Congrats on your discovery."

"You don't get it! I was Shego until Friday, then I was War Hawk, and now I'm Tigress," Golden Arrow's eyes narrowed.

"How did Shego bribe you into this charade?" A growl slipped out, an actual tiger growl, vibrating my throat. I cut it off and touched my windpipe.

"That felt weird," I commented. I dared to look at the reflection again. Not only was her red hair thick, long, and unruly, but her fur was going every which way. I looked at Golden Arrow, "Little help, please?"

Two hours in Tigress's paws and I could already start to understand why she was so cranky. You _would_ have to get up at 4 to get ready in time with all that hair and fur. She had to have someone write the color (if it wasn't already on the label) on the label so she could match her rather skimpy clothes so she could actually match. And how incredibly warm her fur made her. And how, every once in awhile, something would move in my peripheal vision and I would spin around to try to figure out what it was.

I managed to find something relatively conservative in her closet and then headed down the luxurious red velvet staircase to breakfast. I wish they had a self-destruct button on one of their machines, because I'd love to blow this ritzy place up. Who were they trying to impress? They never had anyone over.

Golden Arrow pulled down two bowls and a box of Raisin Bran.

"For Her Majesty's digestive system, or does this not please Her Majesty?" I glared at her. She poured the cereal and then the milk into the bowls. She mockingly bowed as she passed one of the bowls to me.

"Oh, wow, thanks," I said in surprise. Something flicked in the corner of my eye again. I spun around, but no one was there.

"Honestly, you can stop now. No one switched bodies," Golden Arrow said firmly. I sighed.

"Hey, whatever, believe what you want. I'll just tell Metaphor that she got me into Tigress's body now. Who is trying to sneak up on me?!" I roared, seeing something move again out of the corner of my eye.

"You're lucky Miss Mistress isn't here," Golden Arrow hissed. I pursed my lips.

"You never call Miss Mistress your mother."

"Yeah, so?"

"Why not?"

"Because she's not my mom."

"Biologically no. Tigress calls her "Mom" all the time, and though I'm not sure who the father is or if she dabbled in genetic mutation, I don't think she's her daughter," Golden Arrow pointed her spoon at me.

"Stop referring to yourself in the third person, like you're a narrator or something. It's creeping me out," she played with her milk, "We've got vastly different stories, remember?"

"Yeah, but come on. Isn't she somewhat like a mother to-" I twisted around and pounced on my stalker, "Ah ha! Gotcha!"

My excitement dissolved when I saw what exactly I had between my hands. Tigress's tail whipped around like it was trying to escape. You would think I would have known it was attached to her body. Then again, if you watch animals, they really have no clue its attached, either. Golden Arrow glanced at me, sighed, and went back to eating.

"I'm becoming more and more "for" drug screenings at school," she muttered.

Gosh, Tigress had an awesome car. She's always had good taste... well, as far as automobiles went. It was smooth, fast, had an Old West load of horsepower, and was easy on the eyes inside and out. I didn't even have to drive like crazy to make it to school, and even got there a few minutes early. I glanced around the parking lot, all ready to settle my vendetta.

Then, I saw my body. Walking alongside a terrified-looking Hego, her covered in multiple layers of clothes but still shivering. I revved the engine playfully. Golden Arrow, riding shotgun, glanced out of her window.

I jumped out of my fur when Tigress appeared, growling at me.

"I hate you!" She screeched. I threw my hands up in the air.

"Hey, it isn't _my_ fault we switched bodies," she shuddered violently.

"How do you _live_ like this?! I'm freezing to death and can barely smell anything, not to mention how repulsively ugly you are!"

"It's not a slice of cake being in your body, either. Your tail has a frickin' mind of its own, and it took Golden Arrow and I an hour and a half just to brush all your hair."

"Can we just go park?" Golden Arrow muttered. I sighed and pulled away.

Golden Arrow was in a state of shock as I continued to walk with her towards our group. War Hawk and Artica were the only ones at our usual meeting place, staring at us like I was arm-in-arm with the Grim Reaper and Adolf Hitler. Tigress _never_ hung out with us unless she wanted something.

"Hey, War Hawk, Artica," I greeted them, waving timidly.

"Um, hey, Tigress," War Hawk said slowly. Artica didn't even respond.

"Oh, come on. You're acting like we're strangers," I said lightly.

"We practically are," Artica said.

"It's the whole "because-you-hang-out-with-Shego-and-therefore-are-losers" thing," Golden Arrow reminded me. She turned to them, "Somehow, Shego got Tigress into this whole mind switch thing," she explained. War Hawk's eyes widened.

"So, who is who now?" My head whipped around as I heard three things at once; the student population screaming, Hego's heavy footsteps running towards us, and a hissing sound of a snake.

Before my mind even registered what had happened, I had the snake in between my hands. The cobra hissed... and then smiled at me.

"This is so awesome!" Metaphor's voice came out of the snake. My eyes widened.

She would never blow her cover like this.

I ran out of the school, out to the band of trees that was pretty much the commonly agreed-upon private meeting place. I dropped Metaphor to the ground.

"Who are you?!" I hissed. The snake looked up innocently at me.

"Metaphor."

"No, you aren't. Metaphor would have _never_ pulled a stunt like that," The rattlesnake sighed.

"You caught me. I didn't mean to, but I guess I switched places with Metaphor. It's Mego," I rolled my eyes.

"Go figure," I crouched down, "Seriously, though, you need to switch into Even Dawn. If you blow Metaphor's cover, she'll kill you. Once you switched back," Mego sighed and then morphed into Metaphor's alias.

"This sucks. The one time I get cool powers, I have to keep them a secret."

"Shrinking can come in handy. Now, let's get back before we're late," he/she nodded and we started back.

"You're Shego, right?"

"How'd you guess?" Mego shrugged.

"Even in your worst moods, you never try to tear our throats out. Hego got the worst of it, being heroic and all. It was full-out war. She wanted blood," Mego cringed. I patted him on the back.

"Sorry 'bout your bad luck," I murmured sympathetically. He took a deep breath.

"Never thought I'd say this, but I miss you."

"Awww!" I gave him a loving noogie and he instantly regretted his words.

We walked back into school. As high school typically goes, everything was back to normal by the time we were there, some talking about the talking rattlesnake, some calling Tigress a freak. Hego, Tigress, War Hawk, Artica, and Golden Arrow were standing in a little group, the only horrified/surprised looking students in the entire population.

"Metaphor screwed herself this time. Her and Mego apparently switched places, too," I explained. Golden Arrow groaned.

"How long is this stupid thing going to go on?!" She complained.

"Not short enough..." Tigress seethed. Hego shook his head.

"I don't get what exactly is going on," he admitted.

"Basically we need to get the pyramid back and try a different combo," I said.

"You mean the pyramid Mego "found" in Cairo and is using for his project?" Hego asked.

"My 300 point project?" Mego added.

"Yeah."

"It's going to be on display in the library for a month!"

"A month?!" As if this revelation wasn't bad enough, the bell rang. My eyes widened, as did Mego's.

"I don't even know what classes I have!" We exclaimed at the same time. Tigress laughed.

"Forget class. I'm taking the day off," she glided down the hallway.

Dr. Lipsky was standing nearby, looking down at some paperwork in his hands. As she passed, she slapped him firmly on the hindquarters. He jumped and then glanced at a smirking Tigress-in-Shego's-body. He stared a moment in total horror and then back to his paperwork. Meanwhile, I'm on the sidelines wanting to die for watching me do that to my teacher.

"I've got first period with you," Artica said to Mego, and then walked off. Mego followed a safe distance behind.

"You have French II first period with Mischief, that much I know," Golden Arrow offered to me. I gave her a thumbs up, and then stalked off to find Mischief.

As I rounded the corner towards the foreign language department, I was caught completely by surprise, a knife right between my shoulder blades. My first reaction at seeing Mischief was relief. I didn't have to worry about trying to find Tigress's class. The second was confusion; what was Jesus doing next to French class? Why were they holding hands and standing so close?

And then, as he leaned down to kiss her, shock. Mouth-dropping shock. Because she kissed him back. After what she said about how he was my guy. Jesus left for his class and Mischief caught my eye. Horror flashed onto her face and she ran over to me.

"Tigress, hey, buddy-buddy, bestest best friend," she punched me playfully in the arm, talking like Robin Williams, "Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?" I pushed her away and then backed up.

"I can't...believe..." She grabbed my hands.

"Tigie, please. I swear I'm gonna tell Shego, just as soon as this whole switching bodies thing is over. Please, please, PLEASE DO NOT TELL SHEGO ABOUT ME AND JESUS!! Look, I'm down on my knees," she pointed at her kneeling position, blubbering like Eddie Murphy. I walked away from her and into the classroom she had been standing next to.

Like an idiot, Mischief came crawling in on her hands and knees.

"Pleez don't tell hwer," she said like Elmer Fudd.

"I won't. Where do I sit?" Mischief jumped up.

"Yay!" She cheered like Elle Woods. She skipped to the other side of the room and sat down, patting the seat next to her, "You sit with me, kitty," she said like Angelina Jolie, which gave me a nauseated feeling. Or maybe that was the after affect of watching your best friend kiss the guy you like.

"Why? Why did you take him when you knew, you _knew_ I wanted him?" I snarled. I touched my vocal chords again. This growling stuff felt like I had swallowed a vibrating phone.

"Hold on, honey. First of all, you only wanted him because Shego had him," she said like Queen Latifah. She sighed, settling into her "normal" school voice as more students poured in, "Second... it just kind of happened. I mean, how many kids can talk to him in his own language? We started talking and things led to bigger things and... Are you sure you aren't going to tell Shego? 'Cause I don't want your half lies in this. Though I am _not_ looking forward to telling Shego," I pulled out Tigress's French textbook.

I barely understood a word as I flipped through the pages, and I was guessing even at that.

"Bonjour, mes élèves," A little over middle aged woman with gray hair and granny glasses clicked her way to the front of the classroom.

"Bonjour, Madame Abry," The class chorused. Madame Abry turned to me.

"Mademoiselle Felina, allez-vous dormir aujourd'hui par la leçon ou allez-vous nous grâce à votre participation?" I stared blankly at her a minute, "Mademoiselle Felina, sont toutes les lumières sur l'étage?" She asked another question. I glanced frantically at Mischief. She was staring at me like I had grown a tail... heh, heh, I snuck in a cat pun. She leaned over.

"She wants to know if you're going to participate or sleep," she muttered. Oh. I turned back to her.

"Oui, Madame Abry." She clenched her hands over her ears.

"Mademoiselle Felina! Qu'est-ce qu'un accent horrible! N'êtes-vous pas?"

"Excusez-son, Madame Abry. Elle est d'avoir un restituer," Mischief said quickly. Madame Abry nodded, and then started talking to the class.

A note was slipped next to my textbook. I unfolded it and saw Mischief's angular, sloppy handwriting.

"What's up with you today? French is your best subject," A little bit of girl spite came out as I wrote back.

"I suppose boy stealing's yours."

Mischief looked at the note and furrowed her eyebrows. Her face opened up in a shocked/horrified expression. She spun in her chair.

"Shego?!" She exclaimed quietly. I gave one nod and then ignored her, "Oh, sugar, darling, honey bunches of oats, I swear on a kitten's life I was gonna tell you once this brain switching situation was cleared up."

"Mademoiselle Catt," Madame Abry said sternly. Mischief faced forward. We didn't speak or pass notes the rest of the period.

The bell rang and Mischief was about to launch into a bigger apology. I held up my hand.

"I understand, but that doesn't mean I'm not sore," I said. She squealed and threw her arms around me, "Get off of me! I'm still Tigress!" I reminded her. I leaned closer, "Any clue what my next class is?" She grabbed my hand.

"Follow me!" She trilled.

I sighed as we walked down the hallway.

"I hate guys," I muttered, "Save his country from an evil dictator and how does he show his appreciation? By dating my best friend."

"The least he could do was go to one stinkin' dance with you," Mischief agreed. It was nearly impossible to be angry with someone as honest as Mischief.

&

The longer the day wore on, the more I understood Tigress. Her "friends" were just a cult of female dogs who were totally ticked that I was hanging with the villainesses (who were nudging me into Tigress behavior, unlike Tigress's "friends"). The boys were a bit... well, they were teenage boys that Tigress was apparently very, _very_ familiar with. And, during history and science, Tigress sat by Cutting Cheese Charlie. Combine that with a sensitive nose and you're gasping at any chance for fresh air. The thing that drove me insane, though, was that I caught every flicker of movement. And it called my attention as if someone had called my name. So I was glancing around constantly like a paranoid freak.

Finally, finally school ended. Hego and Mego caught up with me. Metaphor/Mego was waiting for us.

"Did you get it?" Mego asked. Metaphor shook her head.

"Didn't have the time. Teacher sent it down to the library faster than I could blink," she looked at me, "Shego switch with Tigress?"

"How'd you guess?" I asked jokingly, motioning at Hego and Mego.

"How did you get to the high school so fast?" Hego asked. Metaphor jerked her thumb back.

Speak of the Devil, she was leaning against her car, grinning. She stood up and walked over, suspecting she had been added to the conversation.

"How's about we go get that pyramid now? I've had enough fun with Shego," she snickered. I groaned.

"I don't even want to know what you've done."

"Oh, I didn't have time for much with that first activity. And you'll know whether you want to or not. So, if we can ditch Superman and all go over there..."

"First of all, we have play practice. It's getting too close to cut. Second, that's Mego's big project, 300 points! And that pyramid-"

"First of all, Hego, shut your trap. Second, I don't care what the-" Naughty word, "he gets, I'm ready to get back into my own-" Naughty word, "body." She trembled for emphasis. Hego frowned at her potty mouth and then looked to me for support.

"What are you looking at me for? I don't exactly like having a tail I have to restrain because it's got a mind of its own."

"Are you saying you want me to repeat the 6th grade?" Mego asked. I looked at him.

"That's what extra credit's for."

"Do you really want me loose in your sister's body?" Tigress purred at Hego.

"Super strength will take care of that," Hego said confidently.

Tigress met my eyes. In an unspoken truce, we agreed that we were getting that pyramid tonight.

&

"Goldie?" I asked in Tigress's sweetest voice. She turned away from her computer desk and looked at me warily, "How good are you at welding?"

"What did you destroy?"

"Nothing. Just need a replacement of an ancient Egyptian artifact."

"I'll need a picture."

"How about the real thing?" Golden Arrow tilted her head, showing her interest, "I need a replica of Mego's project," she sighed. As soon as the interest had come, it was lost.

"What kind of mystic property is it believed to have? Mystical...monkey powers or something?"

"Mind-switching, but I was afraid you'd think I'm crazy. Again," she stood up.

"Beats studying," she decided.

To sum this body switch up, we popped into the middle school's library and she examined it. She welded a pretty freakin' close replica and we replaced it. Metaphor and Mego took advantage of their temporary powers; Metaphor used it for stealing and Mego pulled pranks and hung out at the zoo. Such a typical boy... Tigress had to be locked up in one of our dog kennels because of her uncooperative attitude with the rest of my family. I laid down on her mattress and covered myself with blankets, hoping Metaphor would get the combination right this time. I was sliding down the evolutionary chain with every switch.

&

My eyes opened the next morning to the sound of a distant alarm. I opened my eyes... I was in a dog kennel. Yes! I was me again! I reached out to unlock it... and saw a white paw.

"Cra-ap!" I yelled, and then realized I could yell.

Sarge, our German Shepard, opened one eye and looked at me. He got up, turned around in his kennel, and settled back down. I heard a yawn beside me.

"Well, that's Mommy's alarm. Time to get up," I heard movement in the kennel next to mine, "Arf! Arf! WHAT?! I...I...I can't bark... THEY DEBARKED ME!! I knew they were threatening to, but I didn't think... What the heck_ is _wrong with my voice?"

"Go-go?" I asked, poking as much of my face as I could out. I saw a scared looking me in the other kennel.

"Oh my gosh, I'm having an out of body experience!" She cried.

"Kind of, I guess. We switched bodies, baby," she took this in for a minute.

"I can't smell anything."

"Well, I can smell everything, and second thing I'm doing once I'm me again is bathing Starling." Hearing her name, our Golden Retriever turned to me. Well, she did.

The door opened.

"Shego? You in your body yet?" Hego asked.

"No," I murmured. Hego looked at me.

"Go-go?"

"Mommy and I switched places," she whimpered. Hego sighed.

"Oh gaw. Now you switched places with the dog?"

"The _intelligent_ dog," Go-go corrected. Hego rolled his eyes.

"...probably can't even spell "intelligent"," he said under his breath.

"I can't even hear him! What kind of advanced species are humans?!" That was a very good question sometimes.

Hego sighed and let us both out of our kennels. Go-go shook herself on habit. She wobbly got onto her legs and managed to stand bow-legged. Hego grabbed her forearm to keep her from falling. He glanced down at me.

"We could pull off Tigress...how we going to pull off Go-go being in your body? Even Tigress knows how to act human!"

"Hey! I can act human! I can talk, can't I?" She hobbled forward. I awkwardly followed, trying to coordinate my doubled legs.

The majority of the morning was spent trying to teach Go-go how to be human. She didn't understand the concept of bathing. She didn't understand the concept of clothing. She didn't understand the concept of the majority of human concepts. I didn't understand the scream Mego let out while I was struggling with not getting my tail wet while I used the toilet (most amazing trick we ever taught her...wish we could teach our other dogs that). Never gave her enough credit, I realized.

Eventually, Go-go was as human-like as we could make her without being suspicious.

"Did Mego go down already?" I asked as we got into the elevator.

"Think so," Hego replied.

"He got really scared," Go-go replied.

We walked down the hallway and towards the kitchen. There was a muffled moan and Mom cooing gently. Uh oh. Mom didn't coo unless one of us was bleeding. Severely. I trotted ahead of Hego and Go-go. Her arms were wrapped around Mego as she rocked him gently back and forth. Uh oh. She was being motherly. Someone was dying. Hego crept towards the kitchen, trying to fly under the radar.

"Good morning, mother, brother!" Go-go cheered. Mom looked up. She looked ready to kill.

"Shego...Gueneviere," Icicles hung from her tone. Go-go froze, "What makes you think you can strut around naked? You have brothers!" She pet Mego's head, "His first naked woman was his sister! He's scarred for life! The school counselor already thinks I'm a horrible mother; what is she going to think when my own _son_ is in her office?" She sighed, "Get breakfast. We'll talk about this later, when you're _not_ running late for school."

"School?!" I exclaimed. Everyone looked at me. My ears went flat. Right, I was Go-go. I didn't care about school. All I cared about was my crush on Scooby Doo and my mommy.

I followed Hego and Go-go around as they got breakfast. I only counted two bowls.

"Where's mine?" I asked as they went to the breakfast table. Go-go and Hego smirked.

"Over there," Hego pointed at the dog dishes. I glared at him.

"Come on. Be serious."

"No treats for Go-go," Go-go mocked in the same tone I would have used towards her. My ears went back and that little growling habit kicked in.

"Out, Go-go!" Mom said sternly. I sulked away, tail between my legs. This was degrading.

There was no way I was going to eat dog food, I thought as I looked at the bowl. I glanced back at the table. Go-go had her face in her Captain Crunch. Strangely, no one was protesting, or looking sympathetically at me. My stomach growled menacingly. I glanced at the bowl. How hungry would I have to be to eat that? Well, there was no fowl in trying.

Ick. It was bland. I drank some room temperature water. No wonder they begged. I managed to stomach half of the bowl before dejectedly going to lay on the couch.

"What's wrong with Go-go?" Mom asked.

"You're concerned about Go-go?" Mego asked in disbelief, watching Go-go lick the bowl.

"We all knew your sister was messed up. The dog has more sanity than her most days," Mom murmured. Wow, canine hearing was incredible.

My day was mostly making sure the twins got off to school, watching t.v., attempting the computer (very hard without fingers), and scavenging human food. Uneventful nearly to the point of insanity. My human counterpart was having a more...interesting time.

Hego, my friends, and Go-go herself have told me time and time again the adventures Go-go had as a human. Mom had driven Hego, Go-go, and Mego to school, where Go-go had tried to stick her head out the window. Hego put a stop to that. When she got to school, she sniffed each of my friends to make sure they were who she thought they were (the colors were very disorienting to her).

Tigress showed up to taunt me for whatever she had done to me. Go-go's deeply rooted hatred for cats kicked in. According to Hego, it was quite a sight to see Tigress run for her life. I wasn't surprised; the question was who wouldn't run away from an otherwise normal teenager on all fours charging towards them barking "CAT! CAT! CAT!". Go-go cornered Tigress in a girl's bathroom stall and scratched at the locked door continuing to bark until the girls dragged her out of the bathroom. Golden Arrow had to spend the majority of first period coaxing Tigress off her perch on the toilet, and even then she was growling and her fur was on end. What I wouldn't have done to see _that_!

Go-go also sniffed Dr. Lipsky for an extended period of time, and decided she didn't like him. I'd like to see the expression on his face when "I" growled at him the entire period. Those were the main stories; there were plenty of other minor things, like not sharing the ball in P.E. and, of course, not using silverware. Between my channel surfing and Go-go scratching her ear with her foot, the villainesses were plotting.

The phone rang. I almost didn't answer, until I saw it was from the school. I bit down on the "ok" button.

"Hello?"

"Shego, it's Hego," Yeah, like I didn't recognize his voice. I rolled my eyes.

"What's up?"

"Mego's staying after school and Go-go and I are going to play practice."

"Okay, so I'll be home alone for another couple hours. So?" There was a pause.

"I think the villainesses are up to something. They're doing that close-together whispering stuff, and the sly smirks and the light in their eyes...I'm reeeeeally nervous."

"They're probably just psyching you out. They love to do that, you know."

"Just...be careful."

"Can do, Captain Paranoia," I hung up on him. Worrywart. We all loved messing with him, making him think we were up to no good when really we weren't. It was fun.

The twins arrived home early. They jumped onto the couch.

"Hey, Go-go!" They chorused. My tail thudded in recognition (dogs have way more control over their tails than cats do, I found out).

"Hey, guys, what's up?" They looked at each other.

"Um, do you know where Shego put your certificate of ownership?" Wego 1 asked timidly.

"Top drawer of her desk. Why?"

"No reason." They said in unison, running away.

"What are you going to do with your five dollars?" I overheard Wego 1 ask Wego 2.

"I don't know, maybe get a stock. What are you going to do with your five dollars?"

"I'm going to get five dollars worth of bubblegum, and then get a taco, and then put all the gum in the taco, and then eat the taco."

"Hey! That free taco coupon's for the both of us!"

"Mischief didn't say nothing about the coupon!"

Mischief? My head jerked up. Now I was getting suspicious. Coming home early, money, coupon, Mischief, asking for Go-go's certificate of ownership... Maybe Hego was on to something. The twins came back down.

"Come on, Go-go, let's go for a walk!" They cheered, one after the other. There was a leash in Wego 2's hand and, in Wego 1's hand, Go-go's certificate of ownership. I narrowed my eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," they insisted. Wego 2 looked nervously at his brother. Wego 1 gave him a warning glance. A very obvious don't-blow-this glance. I backed up on the couch.

"I wasn't just born yesterday. You guys talking about Mischief in a positive light is like Hego declaring he's going to go supervillain." There was a click as the leash was attached to my collar. They quickly multiplied and overpowered me.

I was dragged to the front door, where an eager Mischief was awaiting me. She had two five dollar bills, a piece of paper, and a Bueno Nacho free item coupon. She held out her hand.

"Oh no. You're the villain, not us. You hand over your stuff first," Wego 1 said. Mischief shrugged, and then handed over her loot. They then handed over Go-go's certificate of ownership... and the leash.

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed.

"You're going to a better home. She'll take good care of you," Wego 2 assured me. I looked at him in astonishment.

"You're giving me away?! To Mischief?!"

"Pleasure doin' business with y'all," she said in a Texas drawl, tugging on my leash. I sat down, but even then I was scooting across the ground.

"No, no, no! This is my home! Shego is my owner!"

"Let's face it, Go-go. You're annoying. Shego's the only one who cares about you in this house," Wego 1 said emotionlessly. I clawed away from Mischief.

"Don't worry. Mischief agreed on visitation rights for Shego," Wego 2 added. Mischief picked me up.

"I'm gonna love you and cuddle you and squeeze you and call you my own," she cooed in the voice of that one annoying cartoon character...their name escapes me at the moment.

She carried me to where her van was waiting. The back doors were open to reveal a kennel. I squirmed as much as I could, but Mischief was center bottom in the cheerleading pyramid. My struggles were futile. The twins, now back to just two, watched without remorse as she took me away.

"YOU JUST SOLD YOUR SISTER FOR TEN BUCKS AND A BUENO NACHO COUPON TO ONE OF YOUR ARCH ENEMIES!!" I screamed.

"Hey, don't forget the slurpees she got us on the ride home," Wego 1 said.

Even if I rounded up, I was only worth twenty bucks to them. And I was even purebred.

Mischief squeezed me into the kennel and locked it. The van doors shut with finality. The driver's door opened and shut.

"Personally, I think you're worth way more than ten dollars and an expired Bueno Nacho coupon," she said, sounding like Adam Sandler. I whimpered.

"Why, Mischief? Why are you dognapping me?"

"It's not dognapping. I bought you," she said matter-of-factly like Reba McEntire.

"Bought me? You tricked my youngest siblings with bribery! As if stealing my crush wasn't enough..."

"I thought we were through with that guilt trip," The Cowardly Lion said.

"Until this came up, we were."

We were silent the rest of the drive to her lair; a large, abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Go City. She carried me in my new kennel into the lair. She turned off into the private rooms and kicked open a door.

"Tada! Your new home!" She exclaimed like Paige off of "Trading Spaces". My jaw dropped.

It was frilly. It was puffy. It was probably pink and lavender. It reeked of perfume of the cotton candy/fruity variety. Not a typical doghouse.

"Do you like it, Celine Dion?" She asked like Shirley Temple. I turned around and stared at her.

"Celine Dion?!"

"It's shorthand for your new name, Celine Princess Coco Diana Chanel Dion. I couldn't decide," she said like the lead fashion lady from "The Devil Wears Prada". My stare hardened into a glare.

"You seem to have forgotten that I'M STILL YOUR BEST FRIEND IN A FURRY BODY!!" She crouched down and pinched my cheeks.

"I know! And now you're mine!" She said like Cruella DeVil, and then laughed like her. She stood back up and walked towards the door, "We're going over to Artica's for dinner. I'll be back in an hour to get you dressed up and ready to go. Hasta la pasta," she said, acting like the grandmother from "Two and a Half Men".

"You're insane!" I screamed, attempting to follow. She closed the door in my face, laughing like a maniac. I scratched at the door, whimpering. I bit the doorknob and attempted to turn it. All I got was a pain in the neck. She had locked it.

Mischief couldn't keep track of her school papers. She couldn't come up with the fine details of a plan. Her bed had fossils of lunch underneath it from who knew how long ago. This wasn't my concern. Mischief had been known to keep hamsters alive for over a decade. My concern was the overbearing, aggressive affection she poured onto the poor animals that fell into her keep.

&

I will not describe the horrid scenes that followed. Of the cooing and cuddling that was inflicted on me. Of the care and love I was experiencing in a nauseating extreme. Of the fear that I was loosing her to her maternal instincts.

There I sat in the front seat of the van, wearing a bedazzled jean jacket, a rhinestone collar, a shirt that said "I heart Mom", a mini skirt, and hot pink nail polish on my claws. Thank goodness the dog tennis shoes covered _that_, I thought sarcastically. Mischief was oblivious to her extreme torture and my scarred mind; she was humming along with the radio looking very happy. I guess she would be a bit lonely; she had run off a couple years ago and had been on her own ever since. It was probably very nice to have a companion. But I wanted to be human again, and the only way she was getting Go-go was over my dead body.

She drove up into the parking lot of an abandoned ice skating rink. She scratched me behind the ear and then got out. A whine leaked out as I thought about how happy Mischief was. She opened the door for me, a big smile as always on her face. I jumped out and followed her in.

We went down into the girl's locker room. I was surprised to see War Hawk and Metaphor already in there along with Artica. Metaphor and Artica laughed, while War Hawk "awww"ed.

"Mischief, your cruel and unusual punishments will drive your puppy to insanity," Metaphor remarked.

"If she isn't already there," Artica added.

"Not funny," I growled.

"I see the rest aren't here yet," Mischief noted like Magneto.

"They should be right behind you," Artica said.

"You didn't figure in Go-go," War Hawk pointed out. Who was all coming?

We all fit on the bench-converted-into-a-couch and watched the t.v. set into the locker. I was scratched, petted, and cooed the entire time _by all of them_. It was unnerving having them treat me this way; almost condescending. Finally, it was too much.

"Enough!" I shouted, standing up and shaking my fur out. They looked surprised at my reaction, "I'm not your guys's pet. I'm your best friend!" They gave each other conspiratory glances.

Was Hego actually right? Were they plotting something behind my back? Before I could think further, I heard the door open.

"WHERE'D IT GO?! WHERE'D IT GO?! WHERE'D IT GO?!" Go-go shrieked. There was silence and then thud, thud, thud, thud, "WHERE'D IT GO?! WHERE'D IT GO?!" Thud, thud, thud, thud.

Go-go came racing into the living room on all fours, her head whipping around.

"WHERE'D IT GO?! WHERE'D IT GO?! WHERE'D IT GO?!" She exclaimed. Golden Arrow came in behind her.

"Chill out, Go-go," she turned to Artica, "Where do you want her?"

"It's in the rink," Artica said guardedly. Golden Arrow rolled her eyes.

"Of course."

"Excuse me for only having one room large enough to house a death ray!" My ears perked. She got an oh-crap expression on her face.

"What are you guys planning?"

"Nothing," they all chorused. Golden Arrow turned to Go-go.

"Come on, let's go flounder on the ice," she hit a button on the object in her hand. A small red dot appeared a couple feet in front of Go-go. Her body went tense.

"I'm gonna get it this time!" She exclaimed, chasing it. Golden Arrow moved it forward, walking towards the rink. I looked at the villainesses all in turn.

"Okay, now tell me the truth," they glanced nervously at each other, silent for a moment.

Then, Jennifer Aniston spoke up.

"On a scale of one to ten, how much would you miss your human body?" I stared at Mischief.

"Twenty! Are you guys planning on killing Go-go?" They glanced at each other.

They exploded like a waterfall, their excuses ranging from no school to more time with them to getting away from my annoying family to how cute I was. Nothing they said mattered. They wanted to kill me.

"No! No, no, no! You can't do this to me! I don't want to be a dog the rest of my life! I want to be a human!"

"Okay, okay," Metaphor set her hand on my shoulder, "We'll give it to democracy. How many want Shego to be human?" I raised my paw. No other hands went up.

"War Hawk!" I exclaimed, thinking for sure at least my best friend since diapers would help me.

"I abstain!" She yelled, throwing her arms in the air. Her wings unfurled from the stress.

"How many want Shego to be an adorable husky puppy we can care for and love?" Metaphor, Artica, and Mischief raised their hands. Well, Metaphor and Mischief raised two.

"We're representing Tigress and Golden Arrow," Mischief took one hand down long enough to hit her chest twice and give the peace sign.

"This is unfair! This is my body we're talking about!" Artica laughed.

"Whoever said we played fair?"

I was carried to the rink where I was locked up into a dog crate. Go-go... I don't know what she was doing. She seemed to be in lalaland while she was strapped to a slab of metal with a death ray pointed at her. I never thought I'd see the day where they would actually attempt to kill me. What kind of friends were they?! I found that licking myself was a very soothing method to ease the betrayal. No, you dirty dogs, I did not lick myself down south.

The only thing that was stopping them from blowing me up was the video camera. Tigress could not attend the madness because of her allergy to dogs (...I'm not even messing with you), so she wanted it taped. The camera girl War Hawk was unfamiliar with the brand, therefore they could not figure it out. There was arguing of the camera placement, the best place to get the most action, how hard the blast would hit and if it would destroy the camera. I sighed as they finally agreed War Hawk would film it by hand instead of mounting it on the wall. I felt pretty helpless without thumbs.

I sat down and then jumped back up as something squeaked. A rubber chicken had been set in my kennel, apparently for me to play with. I looked back at Go-go. Her body was rigid as she looked for the source of the noise and then relaxed. I grinned. Maybe I just needed to employ someone with thumbs.

I picked up the rubber chicken and squeaked it. Go-go went rigid. I squeezed it again. Her eyes locked on me. I did it again and her body trembled. One more time and her hands lit up. She smashed her cuffs and raced on all fours to me, slipping and sliding on the ice.

"Mommy, Mommy, share!" She begged. That was when the villainesses' attention turned from getting the tape into the camera to us. I squeaked it again, "MOMMY!"

"Get Mommy out and we'll go home. Then you can have the chicken," I compromised. She fumbled with the lock. They were going for the controls, "Go-go, slash it open!"

"I don't know how I did it!" Her frustration triggered the flames. She crashed the kennel open and I slipped out.

Shots were fired towards us.

"Mischief, are you crazy?! You could hit Shego!" War Hawk exclaimed.

"I don't want to lose Celine Princess Coco Diana Chanel Dion!!" She screamed like a mad woman.

I kept squeezing the rubber chicken. Go-go was right on my heels, and Mischief was shooting at them. It was hard to run across the smooth, glossy ice. We mostly slid to the opening and onto solid ground.

"Come on, baby. Come on!" I cheered from between my teeth.

"I want the chicken!" She whined, but followed.

There was no way we were going to beat them if they pursued us if we went on foot. I glanced in every car. Ever trustworthy, War Hawk had left her keys in the ignition.

"Ride shotgun, Go-go," I cooed. She was in the passenger's seat and had my door open before I knew it.

"Okay, Mommy's going to need some help..." I said, dropping the chicken onto the dashboard to grip the key to start the engine.

"Then I get chicken?" I grunted in agreement. I glanced back and saw her backpack in the back.

"Grab that," she did. I dropped it onto the brake, "Now, take that stick, push the button in, and pull it to that second letter."

"Like this?"

"Yes, baby, thank you," I moved the backpack onto the gas, "Now, really quick, move the stick to the fourth letter."

"Like this?"

"Perfect."

I'm sure it was quite a scene to the other citizens of Go City; a pimp mobile going twice the legal limit with a dog steering and running the red lights, a human in the seat next to them with her head out the window. But we made it home, whether we were being pursued or not. Mego was taking the other dogs out and saw us pull up and me saying to Go-go, "Okay, now pull it to the first letter once we stop". Not my best parking job ever.

Mego closed his eyes.

"Just my imagination, just my imagination, dogs don't drive cars and sisters don't bark," he said under his breath, concentrating on the non-talking dogs.

Hego was in the living room, expecting us. He surpressed a laugh as I jumped up beside him on the couch.

"Say it. This is the one chance you'll get to," I muttered.

"Told you so-o," Hego sang. He scratched me behind the ears.

"Get the pyramid?" I groaned.

"No, I completely forgot about it when I was trying to stop them from killing my human body. I need to get Go-go's certificate of ownership back from Mischief. Do you know the going rate for a sister is now?" Hego smirked.

"Ten bucks, two medium slurpees, and an expired Bueno Nacho coupon. The twins have been bragging about it all evening," he reached behind his back, "You know what you can get for twenty bucks and a Tootsie Pop?" He pulled it out.

"The pyramid!" I exclaimed. He laughed.

"I figured the other villainesses were in on it, so I swung by Metaphor's apartment. Simile was very willing to part with it," I smothered his face with kisses.

"You...are...my...favorite...brother...today," I said between licks. He laughed. Then we heard Mom from the dining room, "Shego! Get that rubber chicken out of your mouth! You don't know where that's been and it's annoying the heck out of me!"

&

I didn't feel furry. No tail was twitching. No feathers were poking me. Did Hego and mine fiddling actually work. I opened one eye. Everything was in color. My alarm was going off next to me and I was in my room. I sat up and looked at myself.

"I'M ME AGAIN!" I shouted.

"Shhh, the twins are trying to sleep!" Hego hissed. He gave a lopsided grin, "But I'm glad you're yourself again."

I went into the bathroom and stripped down for my shower. That's when I saw Tigress's damage. Across my lower back, in large letters, Tigress had tatooed the 4-H term for a female dog.

&

Please review.


	12. Apologies and a Threat of a Nun

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

I came out of the shower and overheard a very heated discussion going on in the meeting room.

"Is she back to herself yet?" War Hawk's timid voice came over the giant t.v.

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Hego said venomously.

"I guess she filled you in about last night," she murmured.

"Yeah, she did. And I've gotta say, that's pretty low, even for you guys."

"I know. I've lost sleep and everything. Can I just talk to Shego?" Then there was silence.

I walked into the meeting room. The screen was blank. I stared at an angry Hego in amazement.

"Did you just hang up on War Hawk?"

"Heck yes, I did! Remember, she tried to kill you last night?"

"They try to kill us on a regular basis," I muttered. I moved to the control panel, "Would you kindly leave the room so you don't bash what's left of her hope of you two getting along?" Hego frowned, but left. I dialed War Hawk up again. After a few seconds, her face flashed onto the screen. She looked like she had fallen into the control panel chair.

"Hey," she huffed, smiling. I smirked.

"Hey. What's up?" She rubbed her neck.

"We went out of bounds last night. No matter how cute and cuddly you were, no matter how much easier a life you would have, no matter how annoying Go-go in your body was, it was uncalled for to try to disintegrate your body. I'm sorry."

"Whatever. You're the one with issues. I'd rather you take a side than abstain. Stand up for yourself!" I urged. War Hawk smiled sheepishly.

"Is that a come-over-for-breakfast-I-forgive-you or a this-is-going-to-take-awhile-I-forgive-you?"

"It's a I'm-gonna-milk-this-a-little-sure-you-can-come-over-for-breakfast-if-you-wanna-brave-my-brothers-I-forgive-you," she grinned.

"I'll be right over," she promised.

I finished getting ready and headed down. A minute or two later, the doorbell rang.

"Someone's here!" Go-go shouted.

"I heard it," I said, following her to the door. I opened it. War Hawk had pulled out her hair tie and was running her fingers through her hair.

"I swear, no matter what I do, my hair always gets messed up. Downside of flying, I guess."

"Oh, crap." That's right, I stole her car. She laughed.

"It's all right. Call it even," she knew what I was thinking.

"Ahem," Go-go cleared her throat. War Hawk glanced down, "Am I nothing to you? Aren't you going to greet me?"

"You aren't mad?"

"About what? Why?" War Hawk and I exchanged glances. Apparently Go-go was _really_ oblivious to last night's events.

Mom greeted War Hawk like she was a part of the family.

"Hurry up and eat. The school won't wait for you to get there," she muttered as she passed. We smiled at each other and helped ourselves to the cereal.

Hego didn't so much as look at War Hawk the entire time. Mego and the twins accepted her, as they accepted most of my friends. I realized, over the quiet breakfast, War Hawk was the only one Mego didn't mouth off to. The theory of crushitivity was out the window, even after the brain switch. I knew Mego's crush signs, and he wasn't displaying any.

"Any chance you've heard from Mischief?" War Hawk asked. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"No. Should I have?"

"Dunno. She took off after all that last night, didn't say a word. We assumed she went after you and Go-go." She glanced at Hego, "Do you know?" Hego looked curiously at her.

"How would I know?"

"Well, if you thought what we were doing was illegal..."

"Wait a minute. First of all, what you were doing _was_ illegal. Second, are you accusing me of arresting Mischief?"

"It's not outside your realm of possibilities," I admitted.

"Why would I go after just Mischief?" Hego said condescendingly.

"Because she's the ringleader and you seem to have a fascination with taking them down," her tone turned bitter. Mego, with the common sense the good Lord gave him, scooted away from Hego.

"Really?" He snarled. I held up my hands.

"Whoa, you two. No World War III at the breakfast table," I joked. Hego glared at me. War Hawk sighed.

"Let's go. Mego, you want a ride?"

"Yeah," he said without hesitation, a slight "duh" tone to his voice. We three put our dishes away, War Hawk looking upset. I rubbed her back.

"You really need to stop thinking he'll change," I warned. She shook her head.

"It's not that. It's Mischief. I've got a nagging feeling about this...I... You should've seen her last night. She wasn't herself at all," Mego snorted.

"Please. The girl's moods change more than Hego with the t.v. remote. Whatever funk she was in, she's probably out of," I looked at him with admiration.

"For once, you're actually right," I praised, patting his head. He swatted my hand away in annoyance.

I felt pretty confident about the day, sitting in the passenger's seat of the Pimp Mobile, listening to a good mixed cd with my BFFAE (to translate, best friend forever and ever), my little brother staying quiet like a good boy in the backseat. His statement made a ton of sense. Maybe I should... No. Listening to Mego was often a disaster looking for someone to put the blame on. But Mischief was moody, and didn't take defeat well right afterwards. She calmed down after a good night's sleep.

We dropped Mego off at the middle school first and then continued to the high school. Our friends were waiting in a clump by the entrance, most carrying things that appeared to be presents. I grinned. Guilt trip time.

"We're sorry," they chorused, some sounding more sorry than others. I brushed past them, jutting my chin into the air, "Shego!"

"I have been hurt so deeply, NOTHING can resolve my pain," I jokingly seethed.

"Not even the new She-Devils cd?"

"Gimme!" I spun around as soon as the words left Metaphor's lips. She grinned and handed it over. My eyes widened.

"A receipt. This means you..."

"Bought it. Told you I was sorry," I hugged her.

"I feel so loved, and so deeply suspicious, all at once."

"We've done enough tricks for a couple days," Artica assured her, handing over her present. A box of chocolates. I hugged her.

"You guys know me too well," I looked expectantly at Golden Arrow. She shrugged.

"Sorry, but I'm not sorry," she admitted. I huffed.

"Fine then," I made a chopping motion to the space between us, "Shun." They laughed and followed me to my locker.

I opened it to find a couple blown up balloons stuffed inside, "We're sorry" scribbled in Sharpie on them. They remained stuffed inside.

"They were supposed to fly out," War Hawk pouted. I grabbed the strings and yanked them out.

"Yay!" I cheered. One of them drifted downwards and I saw an envelope attached to it. I untied it and opened it. Go-go's papers were stuffed inside, "Aw, how kind is Mischief?"

"War Hawk had to steal the papers back. None of us have seen Mischief since she slipped out after you drove off," Golden Arrow stated. I reversed the chopping motion.

"Un-shun. What?"

"No one's seen her."

"Maybe she's sick," War Hawk offered.

"That's a pretty quick and coincidental illness," Golden Arrow pointed out. I made the chopping motion again as the bell rang.

"Re-shun."

Mischief didn't pop up later that day. Even Tigress had asked about her. Even Mom had asked about her. Even if she was sick, Mom reasoned, she called in and said she wasn't coming. To be honest, there was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, too.

This feeling was justified the next morning at school. At first, I didn't even recognize her. She was wearing a plain jean jacket, a brown plain t-shirt, and a plain black pair of slacks. Mischief _never_ dressed in such ordinary clothes, unless by force.

"Hey, Mischief!" I called. She ignored me. I grabbed her shoulder, "Mischief, didn't you hear me?" She jerked away from me.

"Leave me alone," she murmured. Using a plain voice. My eyes widened and then relaxed.

"I think it's _someone's_ time of mo-onth," I sang. She looked at me, her eyes devoid of all light. My heart pounded, "Mischief, what's wrong?"

"My name's Cassandra, or Cassy. Don't call me Mischief anymore," Her voices trembled, "I don't want, I don't want to be friends...anymore."

She turned away from me, tears forming in her eyes. She left me stunned in the hallway, unable to move. Unable to think past "Mischief just broke up with me. What could possibly be going on?" No matter what had been going on with her, and there had been a lot that had gone on in her 16 years, she had never withdrawn from us. If anything, she drew closer.

Tigress approached our table during lunch.

"What's up with Mischief?" She demanded. The other girls exchanged glances.

"We don't know," Golden Arrow spoke. Tigress scowled.

"She's not talking to anyone," she insisted. They laughed, "No! I'm serious!" She growled.

"She is," I defended. The very fact of me defending Tigress got them to stare at me, "She told me not to call her Mischief, to call her Cassandra. And she said she didn't want to be friends anymore."

There was a deafening crunch of a potato chip, but otherwise no sound. They were just as stunned as I had been.

"Fix it," Tigress snarled, and stalked off. No one spoke the rest of lunch.

&

I poked at the lasagna leftovers Mom had packed for my dinner. There was just too much worry in my stomach for me to be hungry, even if Mom's lasagna put Rachael Ray to shame. I saw someone walk towards me, but didn't pay any attention until Betty sat in front of me with a Tupperware full of lasagna. I smirked at the similarity.

"Shego, is something bothering you?" She flat out asked. I nodded. No use lying to her. She prodded the cheese, "I know your boss isn't the ideal confidant, but I'm worried. The last time you asked to work security...you've never asked to work for security."

"I've just got something on my mind and it's kind of interfering with everything," I smirked, "I know you don't have any friends, so it would be hard for you to understand," Betty smirked back.

"I'll try to relate," she promised. I took a deep breath.

"One of my friends is acting weird. She's usually this bubbly, outgoing, friendly person, but lately she's cut off all contact with everyone. Since she tried to kill my body, which at the time my dog was inhabiting, she's just been...trying to fit in." The words hurt coming out. Fitting in and Mischief didn't even belong in the same book, let alone the same sentence.

Betty broke eye contact, continuing to prod her dinner.

"She hasn't told you yet," she stated.

"Told us what?"

"This is Cassandra, isn't it?" She back tracked. I nodded. She sighed, "I wasn't going to say anything because I thought you knew. Actually, I thought you were the cause behind it," she half-heartedly smiled, "I guess, in a way, you were."

"Cut the crap, Betty, and tell me what you know," Betty's gaze came back up, meeting mine.

"Cassandra came in the other day, asking about how much time she owed. We sat down, figured it out, wrote up a contact, and she signed," My heart pounded.

"What does that mean?" Don't say the "r" word, don't say the "r" word, don't say the "r" word, please for the love of Italian food, DON'T SAY THE "R" WORD!!

"She's reforming."

It felt like a bullet had just hit me in the heart. Reforming was the villain's way of giving up. Cutting their losses. Cashing in their chips. _Death_ was more acceptable than reform in the villain's world. No wonder she wasn't hanging out with us. If the other girls knew she was throwing in the towel with her life of crime, they would beg her to stay. And if Tigress got wind of the situation...

"I don't know why she's withdrawing from you and your friends," she continued, "Maybe she's trying to get a new start."

"She's not talking to _anyone_. It isn't just us," I pleaded, as though Betty could change Mischief's strange behavior. Betty shook her head.

"I don't know what to tell you, Shego, except for not to interfere if she's really trying to walk the straight and narrow. It will be better for her in the long run."

&

Better for her in the long run, better for her in the long run... The words kept echoeing in my head.

"Shego?"

"She's reforming," I murmured absentmindedly.

"Watch your mouth!" Artica hissed. The others glanced around. I was leaning against the lockers for support after school. They leaned closer.

"Who's reforming?" War Hawk whispered. I snorted.

"Martha Stewart. Who do you think I'm talking about?!"

"Keep your voice down," Metaphor warned.

"Shego, I know you're not a villain, therefore you don't know villain protocol. But you don't joke about the big "r", okay?" Artica said.

"I'm not joking. Betty told me yesterday how she went in...papers were signed...community service..."

"Mischief just wouldn't... you know. She doesn't give up like that," Golden Arrow reasoned.

"It's...sudden," Metaphor stated.

"Never would have thought that Mischief would do the big "r". She loves crime," Artica said.

"Should we try to talk her out of it?" War Hawk asked.

"If she went to GJ... I think it's too late," Golden Arrow said.

The subject was approached like if someone was suicidal; how do we talk her out of it without pushing her over the edge? Even if it might encourage her, it wasn't my style to be gentle.

&

The first time I drove my truck, I didn't feel the joy I thought I would. Half because I was worried about my mission, half because it still smelled like smoke. I drove out onto the freeway that connected Go City to the rest of the world. I pulled over a fair distance away and put on a yellow helmet, a neon orange vest, and a pair of latex gloves. I got out of the truck and jogged up to the one other girl with a yellow helmet and a neon orange vest, being monitored by a police officer. I pulled out the garbage bag and started looking for litter. Mischief glanced at me, but continued picking up litter.

For a while, we just picked up litter side-by-side, the officer not saying anything about the addition.

"I'm not trying to divert you from doing the big "r" or anything. It's your own business, not mine. But what is my business is that you're totally cutting everyone off. It isn't like you and I'm worried."'

"Don't be," she said matter-of-factly. I laughed in disbelief, shaking my head.

"That's like telling the sun not to shine, or a mule to have a baby. It ain't gonna happen."

"Shego, we aren't friends anymore."

"I don't remember agreeing to that," I snarled.

"You don't have to!" She barked.

"I will, because I love you!" This sudden burst of affection caused her to be even angrier.

She was silent for about ten minutes. Meanwhile, I had picked up a beer bottle filled with hobo pee and nearly hurled. It reeked, and was disgusting. Thank goodness for gloves.

"I won't be in Go City much longer," she finally said, "Once I'm done with my community service, I'm going to go to a nunnery to devote my life to goodness," I paused as she moved further up the ditch.

"You're not even Catholic."

"Go away," she pleaded. Somehow, I managed to.

It is the worst feeling in the world when your friend is obviously suffering, but you have no idea how to help him. I wasn't just about to let her run off and become a nun, but she wasn't accepting my help.

&

"This is a disaster," Mrs. White groaned, "Our Maria is missing, and our Liesel and Rolfe hate each other. We have no romance, and romance is the life blood of this play!" I leaned over to Hego.

"I thought it was music," he shrugged.

"If something isn't done, we may have to to cancel the production," I groaned. All that memorizing and staying after school for nothing? Don't think so. I stood up.

"With God as my witness, I _will _bring Frauline Maria back!" I vowed, shaking my fist in the air.

No response. I sat back down. Seemed a little strange that the drama group wouldn't appreciate my theatrics.

&

"Don't let Mischief become a nun!"

"Keep her in Go City!"

"Sign the petition!"

The villainesses and I were out in front of the school, banners and megaphones and flyers galore. It was called "The Mischief Project". I held onto my empty paper on my clipboard, hoping someone would come along. And then, Tigress passed by. She was upset about Mischief! She'd sign. I jogged up to her.

"Don't let Mischief become a nun!" I begged. Tigresss gave me a strange look and then took the clipboard. She scribbled something down and then handed it back. I squinted at it. Ew. They jogged up to me.

"Did you get a signature?" War Hawk asked. I edited the first letter.

"Is "Puck You" a Chinese enough name?" I asked. Artica sighed.

"Gaw! It's like no one in this school cares about her but us!" She exclaimed.

"We've got Jesus's signature, our signatures, and now Mr. Puck You," Golden Arrow said discouragedly.

"Come on, guys. We can do this; we just aren't getting a good crowd here."

"Maybe we could try the mall," Metaphor suggested. I shrugged.

"Let's pack it up. Pretty much everyone's gone home now. I need to go to my locker real quick and then I'll meet up with you guys," They nodded their agreement and I walked off.

A note dropped out of my locker when I opened it. I picked it up. No doubt it my mind, it was Mischief's handwriting on it. "Shego, It's not fair to you guys for me to just cut you off without explaining. How about we meet up at that ice cream place at the mall to talk it through? –Cassy P.S. I'd prefer it if it was just us two. You can tell them later. P.P.S. I'll pay. P.P.P.S. For my own, that is :)" I laughed and went back to the girls.

"Why don't you guys head to the park instead? Remember the incident with the security guards and Mischief?" I suggested. The girls glanced at each other.

"Yeah, that's probably best," Golden Arrow agreed.

So I drove to the mall and went to the Lactose Duchess. Mischief was sitting in a corner booth, stirring a Hurricane. I ordered one with cookie dough, chocolate chips, peanut butter, M&M's, and chocolate ice cream. I slid into the booth across from Mischief.

"Yeah, um, I'll start off by saying I'm sorry for being a biscuit lately."

"Hey, whatever," I shrugged it off. I took a bite, "I'm more worried about what's going on with you right now. I mean, pulling away from us? Snapping and being angry and sad? Being quiet?! Staying in one voice constantly?!"

"I know, I know. A little different. I'm sorry."

"Will you stop saying that?"

"But I am!" Mischief's voice was borderline changing.

We finished and then went to Anna's, a jewelry store. We were in the far corner, trying on headbands and fake hair pieces.

"I'm not going to try to dissuade you," I promised her, "I just wanna know why."

"Why I'm going good or why I'm cutting off all of humanity? Actually, they're kind of intwined," she set a faux alligator skin head band. Her voice was quieter when she spoke again, "It was the Go-go incident. When you were saying those things, like , it made me think. I never realized how bad a person I was and how much I was hurting everyone. So I just figured I'd be better off alone."

"What kind of twisted logic is that?! Missy, your good way, way, WAY overshadows your bad!" I hugged her, "We love you, and it would hurt us way worse if you were to become a nun and live in some abbey somewhere."

"Yeah, I saw the petition thing. It made me feel loved."

"You should," We walked out towards the exit. It just wouldn't be a shopping trip with a villainess without the alarm system going off.

She looked at me and shrugged apologetically.

"Another reason why I can't become a nun," she murmured and then threw her head back, screaming like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, "I'M A KLEPTOMANIAC!!"

&

Thank God for technicalities, I thought as we went to our dress rehearsal. The papers of Mischief's reform had not gone through yet, so there was no punishment for her dropping out. Besides a ticked off Betty. But we had our Frauline back, even if Liesel and Rolfe weren't acting much like teenage lovers.

Actually, Liesel was scared to death. She was shivering from head to toe as we dressed into our costumes. She didn't speak, and she was even more pale than usual.

"Are you all right?" Metaphor, Mischief and I took turns asking. She nodded, but didn't speak.

Maybe it was the fact Tigress was in the front row with a video camera set up grinning like a maniac.

"Cue lights, cue music," Mrs. White said. The lights went down and I shuffled on with the other nuns in my nun gear.

However, it wasn't the nun chant that blasted over the auditorium speakers. It was the Macarena.

&

Please review.


	13. A musical helps create love,unlike aquiz

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents.

Apparently someone had thought our soundtrack was a blank CD and had made a party mix of it. "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" and the nun chant had been covered by the Macarena, "The Hills Are Alive" were now alive with the sound of "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer, Maria's confidence song was now to the tune of ACDC "Back in Black", "I Am Sixteen Going on Seventeen" was now Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", "Favorite Things" was now "Thriller" by the infamous Michael Jackson, "The Lonely Goatherd Song" was now "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc., the nerve-grating "Aidel Vies" had thankfully been replaced by "Livin' on a Prayer" by my mom's heartthrob Bon Jovi, the goodnight song was now "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkle, the song with Captain VonTrapp and Maria was now "My Heart Will Go On", and "Climb Every Mountain" had turned into Aretha Franklin's "I Will Survive".

"Don't think they had 80's music during World War II," Mischief stated like Will Smith. Little Gretal rolled her eyes.

War Hawk sank into the nearest chair.

"I can't do this," she murmured. I sighed.

"Yes, you can. It's just a high school play, not the next big blockbuster."

"I can't do this!" She exclaimed in panic. Metaphor rested her small hand on War Hawk's knee.

"Take some deep breaths. You know your lines; we went through them just this morning."

"But, my mind, when I panic, it pretty much shuts down. I'll stand up there like a mute and then, throw up, just like last spring! Metaphor, you do it!"

"What do you think I am, a Wego?! I can't be two different VonTrapp children in the same scene!"

"Okay, fellow castmembers, let's just go through it without the music," Hego decided. We all rolled our eyes, but got onto the stage, ignoring the fact Mrs. White was in a corner sobbing and chanting, "It just isn't the same, the Sound of Music has to have music, it just isn't the same..."

The rehearsal went without a hitch. Mischief hammed it up, dancing around the stage and whatnot. Tigress was a quiet observer; still grinning like a maniac as she recorded the practice, but quiet at least. I managed to remember everything, and so did everyone else. But as the VonTrapp children filed out for their new governess, it was obvious Liesel was not up to her and her siblings' usual mischief. Tigress chuckled at War Hawk's pale face and made kissy faces. I moved, but Hego was quicker. His super strength was all that was keeping me from tearing her to frickin' shreds. Captain VonTrapp signaled Liesel over and over with his whistle, but she did not step forward. She did not say her name. Her eyes, like a terrified rabbit's, held Tigress's. Her hand suddenly clamped over her mouth, her breathing becoming irregular. She jumped off the stage and charged for the aisle.

Tigress got up and blocked her path.

"Where ya goin', Chloe? You haven't sucked face with _Hego_ yet," she jeered.

"Get...outta..." War Hawk gasped, trying to get around Tigress. Tigress wouldn't let her.

"What was that?" She purred.

"Get...aw-ah!" She meant "get away", but it came out as something else. The contents of War Hawk's stomach projected out of her mouth and onto a very, very surprised human-like feline. I believe that's one of the few times I ever heard Tigress scream bloody murder.

I. Laughed. Hysterically. On the ground hysterically. Not the most appropriate reaction to your best friend becoming violently ill because of her nerves, but come on. That's some good karma right there. Through my tears of pleasure and the glares of all around me, I watched War Hawk run out of the auditorium. A minute later, Hego left the auditorium as well.

&&&

Everyone was (were? Grammar isn't my strong suit) running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Mrs. White was in the middle of a breakdown. It was pretty much up to me and the criminals to think up something. I was tapping my foot to our new soundtrack.

"Whoever did this doesn't have bad taste in music," Metaphor said, her little legs swinging back and forth from the chair.

"Not at all," Mischief agreed like Lumier. I tilted my head thoughtfully.

"Hey, is it just me or could "hey, macerana" be replaced by "where is Maria"?" They both kind of glanced at me, and at first I thought I had just said the stupidest thing ever.

"That's pure genius," Metaphor said, shock in her tone. Mischief grabbed my arm.

"We have to tell the others!" She exclaimed like a girl from a horror movie.

So Mischief drags me onto the stage, shoves me towards the distressed crowd, and shouts, "SHEGO HAS AN IDEA!!!!" They stared at me as I recovered from a large dose of Mischief enthusiasm.

"Um...just rewrite the lyrics?" I was unceremoniously slapped upside the head, "What?!"

"How unpoetic!" Mischief admonished. She turned to the crowd, "My fellow actors, stage crew, and play peeps. Before us is an obstacle in the area of audio accompanyment and we either face it head on like the imaginative folk we are, or we let it defeat us to our embarrassment. Which shall it be? I know my option," she turned dramatically and headed backstage. I rolled my eyes, hearing the ominous click of a pen. Mischief's songs should be interesting.

Mischief and I single handedly rewrote almost every song (since she had to sing most of them). Once that was done, we went together with the cast and crew and worked a little more on it. Metaphor looked at me worriedly and I understood. First of all, _could_ we pull off new songs and routines? Second, who was going to fill in for Liesel. I glanced around. Heck, who was going to fill in for Rolfe? Why didn't we have any understudies?!

"_Can_ you be three people at once? If you really try?" I asked her. She stared at me.

"I'm not Simile."

The auditorium doors opened.

"All right, we're in the auditorium. Can you give me my dignity back?"

"Depends. You going to make a break for it?"

"...Yeah."

War Hawk squirmed from her pinned position over Hego's shoulder, much like when Shrek was carrying Princess Fiona back from the dragon's hold. She turned enough to see me.

"Shego, make your brother put me down," she whined.

"Liesel's trying to fly away," he tattled.

"Rolfe, get your hands off Liesel. Liesel, you fly and I shoot you down," I compromised. Hego unceremoniously dropped her. She huffed, getting to her feet.

"And that's what you're going to do in the gazebo scene," he laughed and smiled.

"I _promise_ I won't drop you, 'kay? Hero's honor," he held up his hand. She smiled.

"I'm holding that to you, Superman."

It was an oddly tender moment, or perhaps my brain was tricking me into believing there was something to it. But it was time for costumes, and everyone knows Liesel has a gentle curl. She trembled a little and played with her hands, but wasn't as nervous as she had been before.

"Hego came to me," she murmured softly.

"Say what?" I asked, adjusting my habit.

"When I ran out after…you know, he came into the girl's bathroom and comforted me," Metaphor snorted.

"Yeah, now you're going to tell me Artica's going to Mexico in July this summer," she got off her stool.

"No, really. He did. He was so sweet; kind of made up for everything he's done. We talked for awhile while we rewrote the lyrics and there was no hero talk."

"Now you're just talking crazy," I decided. War Hawk shook her head.

"He had a sweet moment. We all do," she took a deep breath, "Oh dear holy mackerel, I'm going to have a heart attack."

"You'll be fine," Metaphor assured her.

Mischief burst into the room.

"WOOOOHHH!" She shouted. She ran up to us, "WOOOOOOHHH! WOOOOOOHHHH!"

"What the heck, Mischief?"

"WOOOOHHH! WOOOOOHHH!"

"Wooh?" I asked. She nodded and pumped her hands up encouragingly.

"WOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Wooohhhh!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Woooohhh!" She started jumping up and down. I followed her.

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Metaphor said joining us. War Hawk laughed and then she joined.

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

"WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee," Mischief started chanting in Muhammad Ali's voice. We all joined in, still jumping up and down.

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY STING LIKE A BEE!" We burst into a hysterical laughing fit.

Mom and Hego appeared in the doorway of the girl's dressing room. We looked at them and started laughing again.

"I'm never going to understand girls," Hego whined. Mom laughed.

"Come on, girls. We're waiting on you," Mischief danced in place.

"I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready," she sang like Spongebob Squarepants, following Mom towards the stage. Metaphor and I followed, War Hawk lagging behind. Just as I was going to take her hand, Hego ducked behind me and wrapped his arm gently around her shoulders. She turned into him, Mischief's momentary distraction from her nerves wearing off.

Stage crew was running around, setting up the abbey set first which, reversed, was turned into the mountain. Those stage people are clever, aren't they? I took a deep breath and squeezed War Hawk's hand.

"Good luck," she murmured, her voice even shaking. I smirked.

"No, that's bad luck, silly. You want me to break my leg," she laughed weakly.

"So, villain speak is also stage speak?"

"I guess," the nuns were beginning to get in line without me. I squeezed her hand again, "I've gotta go. It'll be fine; you've got nothing left to barf up, right?" I jogged off, unable to reassure her I was joking.

Just in time, the curtains rose to the dimly lit stage. In a single file line, we stood, stiffly walking forward. The unmistakable first techno notes of the Macarena came over the speakers. As the first two approached the front of the stage, they both veered dramatically in opposite directions, their hands still in that perfect pressed-together prayer position. As Gabriella and I approached, I went right and she went left. We were all in a straight horizontal line and in unison, we all asked in tune to the song, "Where is Maria?" Which tells you just about how corny this whole musical was.

I was glad to duck backstage after we were through, applause and the stage crew running around behind me. Whose great idea was it to go through with this?

Then, Mischief got on the stage. She began to dance eccentrically to the music, skipping this way and gyrating that way. A ripple of laughter went through the audience as they were exposed to my friend's antics. Then, in perfect timing with MC Hammer's karaoke version, she started to sing the most memorable verse of the entire production, the only one I really remember.

"The, the, the mountainside is so pretty. Makes me feel oh-so giddy. Thank you, God, for bles'in me. Rather be here than the old abbey. It feels niiice up in the forest. A change of scen'ry from the old church. And I know, I'm dead. But this is a scene, uh, ya can't compare," I'm sure no other white person could even attempt to sing as fast as Mischief, and rappers would have to practice. A lot.

The play, amazingly, went without a hitch. Even as Liesel went onstage, there was no sign of her panic. She looked Frauline Maria right in the eyes, her stance hard and rebellious, and said frankly, "I'm Liesel and I don't need a governess". I was standing next to Hego, and saw his shock at her transformation from "I can't do this" to "Screw you, Maria!". Gears were turning in his head as he watched War Hawk and, for once, I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

Then, the scene we had all been waiting for came. Hego and War Hawk glanced at each other nervously, quickly wishing for the other to break their legs. War Hawk went out first and sat on the bench, waiting for her Nazi telegram man. Conversation was exchanged, and then they launched into their version of an Aerosmith classic. Mischief, Metaphor, and I were not listening to the lyrics, grasping each other and constricting like hungry boas. We watched their flirtatious dance, ducking behind the tree, skirting the bench. They moved into the gazebo and War Hawk jumped effortlessly from bench to bench. Hego spun her around and, as promised, did not drop her.

There was a pause at the end of the dance, as they stared at each other. War Hawk looked confused, just as were we. What was Hego waiting for? Then, his eyes widened in an epiphany. He grabbed her by the shoulders, picking her clear off the ground. He then ducked his head and War Hawk's lips met his. They kissed, both willing, short and sweetly.

He set her down and ran offstage, blushing. War Hawk stared after him, stunned into silence. She opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it, then closed it, looking much like a dried-up fish trying to breathe air. She stumbled back until she hit one of the benches, and then sank down. Everything was silent as we waited on Liesel to say or do something. It was still for a moment more before she spoke.

"He, he just kissed me," she said, incredulous. The audience laughed and applauded.

"Where'd Hego go?" I hissed, glancing around.

"Away from us. You think after that he'd want to face his sister and War Hawk's friends after _that_?" Metaphor pointed out. War Hawk slowly made her way off stage.

"He actually did it," she murmured.

"Don't lose your head, girl. We still got the rest of the play to go," Mischief reminded her like Wanda Sykes. War Hawk shook her head.

"You're right."

Heck, it was going to be hard for _me_ to concentrate. That strange expression on Hego's face clearly stated he wasn't just acting. He hid from sight, magically appearing on stage whenever Rolfe was needed. We received a standing ovation as the play ended and we all took our bows together. War Hawk held Hego's firmly, her body language clearly stating "we need to talk".

The ladies' room was stormed minutes later by Golden Arrow and Artica. They smothered us with compliments and congratulations, just like any true friend. Then, Golden Arrow turned seriously to Mischief.

"Your dad and your siblings are here. And Daine the Hurricane," A quiet reverence settled among the rest of us, while Mischief simply replied with a "coolio".

Daine the Hurricane was a legend amongst heroes and villains. No one knew what side she was on, but she was always clever and always did the right thing. She was six years older than us, and she had been our role model for as long as any of us had known her. She was the real-life Motorcycle Boy and Mischief was Rusty James (if you don't get that reference, read "Rumble Fish" by S. E. Hinton; if Mego likes a book you know it's good).

"Come along. We mustn't keep them waiting," Mischief urged like Mrs. Potts.

Mischief's father and sister were casually talking to my mom, the rest of Mischief's stepsiblings running around nearby. Daine the Hurricane and Mr. Catt both had dark red hair, hazel eyes and smiles that were too big to fit on their faces. Mr. Catt looked very normal, clean-shaven and in a bright yellow button up shirt and jeans. Daine the Hurricane had on black fishnet gloves that went to her elbows, a black shirt with a four leaf clover that said "Kiss me, I'm Irish", black jeans with chains hanging off of them, patchwork converse with a strip of duct tape or two, and her signature gold bangles, about two dozen per arm. Daine the Hurricane spotted Mischief and they both lit up.

"I was wondering when you'd show your face, Missy!" She teasingly scolded. Mr. Catt broke off mid-sentence, looking towards her.

"Mademoiselle Prima Donna! You have come to grace us with your immaculate presence!" He boomed, bowing. Mischief pirouetted and then skipped over, pouncing on him. They laughed and Daine the Hurricane joined in. The stepsiblings came running up, either congratulating her or demanding her attention. Mom backed away, respecting their "privacy" (I use the term lightly with the Catt family).

We all had different reactions to the scene. Golden Arrow smiled warmly, in a "that's nice, but not for me" way. Metaphor began scanning the room for her sister, and Artica rolled her eyes. War Hawk was looking at me.

"Are you thinking about your dad?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Not really," I lied, "Just kind of thinking about how it seems that crime runs in the family. Artica with her brother, Golden Arrow and Tigress with their adopted family, you with your dad… Only ones not affected are Metaphor and I, but Metaphor's doing it _for_ her sister."

"So you do give into the rumor?" The rumor being that the Catts were actually a part of an underground mafia in Go City, Mr. Catt being the Godfather. I shrug.

"I don't know. No one's confessing to anything, so it's hard to say." Daine the Hurricane glanced over at me thoughtfully. My stomach dropped and my friends froze.

"You're going to be one of the best villains," Her saying that was like Chuck Norris saying that you were going to be one of the best fighters.

Little creepy how, looking back, it came true.

Artica's brother came up and stole her, as did Metaphor's sister. Mischief migrated with her family, and Mom went to locate the rest of my brothers. Golden Arrow, War Hawk, and I all sat on the stage.

"Can I ride home with you?" Golden Arrow asked War Hawk. She looked at her curiously.

"Sure, I thought you were riding with Tigress?"

"She took off after Daine the Hurricane snubbed her," My eyebrows raised.

"Daine the Hurricane snubbed Tigress? I'm sure that took her ego down several notches," I said. Golden Arrow smirked.

"Yeah, and I noticed your mom was hanging with Daine the Hurricane _and_ Mr. Catt. And she actually _acknowledged_ you," Golden Arrow pointed out, "I think our little hero has an "in"."

"Come on, Goldie. It's not going to happen," War Hawk's head jerked towards the aisle and we looked.

Hego was walking towards them, his eyes for War Hawk. He glanced with trepidation at Golden Arrow and me.

"Don't suppose you two would leave us alone?" He tried. We shook our heads.

"I want to hear what you've got to say to her," I said. He took a minute to weigh his options, and then decided we were going to find it out later from War Hawk.

"I get it now," he said with a laugh. War Hawk arched an eyebrow. Hego rubbed the back of his neck, "When I saw how nervous you were before, and how you instantly snapped out of it when going onstage… It put the villain thing into perspective," she smiled.

"You just now got it?" She jumped off the stage and motioned for Golden Arrow to follow. She patted Hego's arm, "Then again, you _are_ Shego's brother."

"Hey!" I objected. She and Golden Arrow laughed.

"See ya," War Hawk said shyly to Hego. He waved goodbye. I jumped off the stage, grinning widely.

"You ki-issed her," I sang. He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up. It's called acting; learn how to do it, nun."

"That wasn't acting, Nazi. You grabbed her and picked her up off the ground to kiss her," Mom called for us before we could continue the discussion.

Two things happened that night while I slept. First of all, Golden Arrow got some footage from Tigress and broadcast to the world on Youtube that their favorite black-and-green superheroine was taking a second job as a nun, finally satisfying her need for revenge after the Aurora incident. No one can hold a grudge longer than a female villain. Second, my cell phone switched positions on my nightstand. I have witnesses; I don't move things around in my sleep or sleepwalk.

"I want a confession," I hissed.

"Shego, the Mathter is probably in control of half the super computers in the world by now. Just start up the jet," Hego muttered.

"Not until I know who the heck was messing with my cell phone."

"It was me."

"Nice try, Wego 2. But don't take the blame for the sins of the brother," I glared at Mego.

"I swear on my computer's life, I did not touch your frickin' cell phone," he stated.

"It was me," Hego mumbled. I looked at him. Mr. Honor was taking my stuff without asking? This was a first. He looked rather guilty, not even turning towards me, "I needed a number."

"Whose?"

"It's not important."

"It is if you want out of the hanger."

"Chloe's, all right?!" He shouted. We were all stunned into silence, "What? You aren't going to rank on me?! Aren't you going to shove it in my face and mock me?!"

"Hego…"

"Just…go," he seethed.

The mission was awkward. The spat had thrown us out of sync, and the Mathter caught on to that quickly. It took us quicker to get caught and longer to get out than usual. Hego was silent.

I knocked on his door after the mission (and a couple hours to cool).

"Come in," he said. I opened the door and he minimized whatever he was doing on his computer.

"Hey," I murmured. He turned to me.

"Hey," I sat down on his bed, one leg tucked underneath me. He swiveled around in his desk chair to face me.

"Guess I've crossed a line, haven't I?" He folded his arms and arched an eyebrow, "Multiple lines?"

"You have a visa on the other side of the line," he shrugged, "I kind of was a little sensitive."

"What gives?" Hego sighed, shaking his head, "I don't know. I just… she was the enemy for so long, and that's all she was. Now… I don't know what she is," he looked me in the eyes, "We're going to start with friendship, and we'd appreciate it if certain individuals would shut their yaps until we're both on more solid terms," Pure teasing gold. Friendship…sure… But I zipped my lip and smirked.

"Whatever."

It would have been a tender understanding/realization moment, except for Mego announced that it was time for Hego's round two with making out with the enemy.

An agonizing week passed as we all put War Hawk and Hego underneath a microscope, analyzing their every action. They were well aware, however; giving nothing past the friendship level of PDA. But there were other things that distracted us. First of all, Sadie Hawkin's was less than a month away, which meant we were all trying to get dates. Getting dates could be complicated with girls, what with the "who's with who" and the girl laws of ex-boyfriends. We had made a decision as a group; if you dump him, he's fair game. Cut out a lot of confusion and "backstabbing".

As it stood right then, only a couple of us had dates. Tigress, no doubt, had already selected the cream of the crop. Golden Arrow firmly abstained from the dance, since it stood for all she hated; men, being forced into the stereotypical female role, and dressing up like a pageant participant. Mischief had Jesus, and War Hawk was trying to get the guts to ask Hego (maybe… we hoped). Artica, Metaphor, and I were all looking. And as if things weren't complicated enough in figuring out which boys were fair game to the rest of the student population without stepping on anyone's toes, a new fad had emerged.

Animology.

AKA: the stupidest test ever conquered up. Seriously, this thing is supposed to tell you your personality and who your soul mate is. It's crazy and addicting.

"A movie I wanted to see is closed down. What would I do?" I murmured to myself.

"Demand to see the movie!" Mischief thundered like Scar, coming to our lunch table where I was filling out my workbook.

"Not an option" I muttered, "It really depends on the movie and how bad I want to go see it. If I didn't want to see it that bad, oh well, go to another movie, but if I was really counting on it…"

"Don't take it that seriously. It's just a stupid quiz," Metaphor came next, Artica beside her. Artica laughed.

"You're just mad because you're a Pink Sloth."

"Like a Bronze Goat is so much better. Only think of self?" Metaphor pointed out. She turned to me, "Do I smell like overripe fruit to you?" I pursed my lips.

"Overripe? No. But you do have a certain fruity odor about you. When did you guys take it?"

"During class," Artica responded as they both sat down with their trays. I rolled my eyes.

"It would be crazy to actually pay attention…" I looked at Mischief, "You finish?"

"I'm a lavender cheetah. I go fast!" Mischief said like the cute older brother from Stuart Little.

"You also do things immediately without stopping to think and bad things occur to you," Metaphor said. Golden Arrow came up with a booklet in her hand.

"You're not done, either?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I finished. I've just been looking through the profiles. I'm a Beige Raccoon, always unsure of myself and quite smart. Also sarcastic," she announced proudly.

"Wait a minute, you're a Beige Raccoon? I'm a Bronze Goat," Artica said. Golden Arrow arched an eyebrow.

"We conflict?" Metaphor pointed her finger at them.

"Again, stupid quiz."

"Don't be a spoil sport. Being a Pink Sloth isn't that bad; you're just socially inept, an outcast, lowest of them all, and smell of overripe fruit."

"I do not smell like overripe fruit!"

Golden Arrow pointed across the cafeteria and everyone shut up. Hego was heading towards War Hawk to say hi. War Hawk, though, just walked right past him without even a glance. Hego (and us, for that matter) were shocked.

"What's with the stiff?" I asked as she sat down beside me. She had a guilty expression on her face.

"He wants to go to the next level," she admitted. We all stared at her.

"CHLOE!" We exclaimed in unison. She flinched.

"I know, I know. This is exactly what I wanted. But… I've been trying so hard for so long, and he just makes up his mind and that's that? It doesn't seem fair to just give my heart away like that," The other girls gave sinister grins.

"War Hawk, who knew you were actually _evil_?" Artica said, shocked.

"How far do you think he'll go to get you?" Metaphor asked.

"What's your sign?" Mischief asked like Oprah. War Hawk smiled. A question she was safe to answer.

"Silver Badger," Metaphor grinned.

"Soul mates," she teased. War Hawk high-fived her. Golden Arrow held out her palm to Artica.

"Pay up; I guessed right," I looked at them in amazement. Did they do _any _work in class?

Everyone's eyes widened to the size of UFOs and yet again, I wondered what was behind my back.

"Um, can I sit here, please?" I spun around and my jaw dropped.

Hego stood with his lunch tray, looking rather uncomfortable as he faced six of his worst enemies. Golden Arrow turned to Artica.

"Hey, Bronze Goat, you visited the underworld lately?"

"No, Beige Raccoon, why?"

"I believe hell just froze over," Hego sighed.

"I know we're not on the best of terms…"

"That's putting it mildly," Artica said bitterly, "You've put all of us in jail at least once."

"In his defense, he accidentally shut me in the cell and I had to wait overnight for the guard to come with the keys," I spoke up.

Mischief gave a flirty look to Hego and then motioned to the seat next to War Hawk.

"There you see her. Sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her," she sang softly, sounding like someone just started playing "The Little Mermaid" soundtrack.

"Mischief!" War Hawk hissed. Mischief leaned forward, resting her chin on her folded hands, looking lovingly up at Hego.

"And you don't know why but you're dying to try. You want to…kiss de girl."

It was enough to remind everyone of War Hawk. We needed to support her and Hego's blossoming love, no matter how much we hated him. They all gave their reluctant consent, and then treated him as if he didn't exist.

"So, what's your sign?" Hego asked War Hawk. She ignored him.

He looked helplessly at me and I gave him an apologetic smile. I couldn't help him out now; he'd have to prove himself to her on his own. Meanwhile, we'd all just laugh about Tigress's fury at her results; she was a red weasel, an extreme know-it-all but not perfect, noisy and far from hard working.

&&&

"…What the heck?" I grumbled, squinting at my results.

"What'd you get?" Hego asked, second to come to the team room.

"I don't know. I'm stuck between two personalities. I'm either a lavender cheetah or a bronze goat."

"And you don't lean more towards one way or the other?" He asked, taking my Animology booklet and flipping to the profiles in the back, "Let's see. On one side is the lavender cheetah; Fastest of all, you sometimes do things immediately without stopping to think. Bad things occur to you. Well, that's true. Now, the bronze goat; hard-working… only think of self… very clever… often self-confident. Nope, not you. You're about as hard-working as a dead slug and about as clever as a gnat," I glared at Hego's grinning face.

"Love you, too," Eventually, the twins came in and then a fuming Mego.

"YELLOW TROUT?! IT DOESN'T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE ME!" He glared down at the booklet and then quoted it in an exaggerated nasally voice, ""You are extremely self-centered and only think of yourself. You are also very whiny and annoying to others, but you are able to get away with it. Aside from that, you have slow reactions, except when you're in love."" He threw the booklet down, "Stupid quiz."

"Wait, you're a yellow trout?" Hego asked, his eyes widening. Mego glared at him.

"The answers that I put into a questionably designed entertainment activity pointed me to that conclusion, yes," Hego threw my booklet like a Frisbee, denting the wall.

"If my soul mate is ANYTHING like Mego, then Animology sucks!" Mego looked horrified.

"You're a blue fox?!" He exclaimed.

"From the born leader and driven to excel to being a perfectionist and unable to resist a challenge," Hego agreed bitterly. I turned to the twins.

"So, we begin the meeting with a reminder that Avarius is striking tomorrow. Cast your bets for what his plot is this time."

…It always cracks me up when I remember that Kim's a blue fox. Anyway, Wego 1 won the bet; penguin torpedoes set to destroy the world's largest ports, unless his demands were met. Someone was watching too many cartoons when they doodled that on the idea board.

Hego was beginning to get irritated with War Hawk, who was actually acting like a hench girl and trying to stop him. Every time we'd try to get near the control pad to disable the penguidoes (…have I mentioned lately that villains have incredible imaginations when it comes to epic lameness?), she'd flit down and cut us off. Not even the twins were getting through and frankly, it was a bit annoying after twenty minutes of this and Avarius's background cackle.

"Chloe, War Hawk, whichever one you are…" Hego started. She ignored him and he snatched her arm before she could head towards a shrunken down Mego. She glared at him, irritated, "Come on. You haven't talked to me all day today or yesterday. Can you just tell me what I did? Was I coming on too strong?" She simply tried to get away. He growled and looked at me. I tossed my arms up.

"I hate girl code!" He seethed.

"Ow!" War Hawk protested. He loosened his grip on her.

"Sorry," her arm slipped right out and she laughed, "War Hawk!" He roared, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment from the trick.

She flipped backwards and neatly roundhouse-kicked Mego back into the twins, killing two birds with one stone (Great, I've been in the villain business so long now _I'm_ doing puns.) She swooped back to Hego and her villainess mask peeled back, revealing a more sympathetic girl.

"Hego, you're a great friend. But in order to be my boyfriend, you need to steal my heart. I want a man whose going to fight for me," he stared, baffled at her.

"I'm a superhero. How much more do I need to prove myself?"

"Fight for me, not with me," she danced to the side, inconspicuously taking his hand and squeezing it before going to take care of the rest of my brothers.

He stood there, completely doped, until I threw a green blast at his feet. He glanced at me.

"High school drama can wait; Liverpool needs you," I urged. He charged up beside me and together, we made a run towards the control panel.

"Shego, you know I don't get cryptic girly talk. Decode it for a boy to understand," I stared at him.

"How much simpler does she need to put it? She's been fighting for you to notice her; she wants you to step up to the plate. Fight for her, not with her."

War Hawk noticed our advancement and tackled me. I sighed; he would have caught her if he hadn't been so busy trying to "figure out" what she was saying.

"You know, I think it was easier on me when you two _weren't_ friends," I complained. She smiled.

"It's your fault," she teased.

&&&

Well, things couldn't get any worse on the high school front. This stupid Animology craze was making guys hallucinate; they were looking for matches, not dates. And to a bronze cheetah or a lavender goat, which I figured I was, there were no other hybrids to hook up with. And, strange for the guy universe, this actually mattered. A lot. Metaphor was having the worst luck; no one wanted to go with a _pink sloth_ and there were no silver badgers on campus. Really, you'd think she got the plague. Luckily, Metaphor wasn't hung up on dating or social life. She had her friends, and she figured she'd find the right guy once the time was right.

Single Awareness Day dawned, and depression hit me like a punch in the gut. One of my New Year's resolutions was to have a boyfriend by now. Frickin' hybrid. When I finally got the energy to go to school, where flowers and chocolates rained down in a sea of love and high school sweetheartiness, I noticed my truck was gone. I rolled my eyes. Very funny, girls. I'll find out who did it and hunt them down.

Everything seemed like usual when we first got there; I met up with War Hawk and we went to her locker. But when she opened it, a cascade of flowers came out. She gasped.

"Cherry blossoms, my favorite. But who…?" She looked at me and I shook my head.

"Love you, but I don't even know where to get these things at this time of year," I then grinned, "Looks like you have a secret admirer."

"Shut up," she said, picking them up and setting them back into her locker.

I glanced up. Tigress was absolutely seething, her eyes on fire as she glared at War Hawk.

I got to science relatively early. Dr. Lipsky glanced up at me with a smile.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he greeted. I snorted.

"Guess you haven't heard. I'm single," he smiled.

"Then it's Appreciation of Being Single Day to you," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, because I'm really happy to be single atop of my disastrous social life, especially heading towards the spring season. Who knows? Maybe I can take my brother to the prom!" Of course, this drew a couple of stares from students just entering. He chuckled.

"Being in a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just enjoy being single."

"So says the 40-year-old whose never been kissed," I snarled, taking my seat.

It was boring; all we did was watch a stupid movie. Dr. Lipsky was fiddling with something the entire period, though I couldn't figure out what.

"Don't forget your lab journals!" He called as the bell rang. I snatched mine and headed down the hall.

I looked to see what I got; the score sheet was usually tucked into the back. A sheet of paper fell out and I picked it up. A rose that looked more like a piece of bamboo in a splatter of red paint was scribbled on, a square piece of Dove chocolate held on precariously by one lone piece of tape. In his crab hand, it read "Anyone could settle for someone. It takes a true woman and lady to wait for a man whose worthy of her. The only reason you are single, Shego, is because no man has been able to rise to your standards yet."

I tease Dr. D a lot about him being the reason I'm not dating. He thinks it's because I'm caught up in my work; it's really because of that valentine he sent me all those years ago with those rare inspiring words. I think I still have it in my room somewhere… Anyways, nowadays most girls would turn him in for that, but anyone who knows Drew Lipsky knows he meant nothing inappropriate by it. Just trying to help in his awkward, usually ineffective way.

By the time lunch rolled around, War Hawk had found several stanzas hidden inside of her books. They came in order and, as she discovered, they were in the style of her favorite poem, "Annabel Lee" by Edgar Allan Poe. She wordlessly passed the arranged stanzas to me, and I read them aloud to our table.

"Not a many year ago, in a city by the sea. A maiden there lived of whom you may know, by the alias of War Hawk. And this villain, she lived with little other thought, than to love and be loved by me. I was a child, and she was a child, in this city by the sea. And she loved with a love that was deep in heart, mine and my War Hawk. With a love that the winged angels of heaven envied her and she. And this was the reason that, recently, in this city by the sea, a heart melted into the palm of my beautiful War Hawk. So that her stubborn hero fell for the beautiful War Hawk. To the surprise of her fellows, in this city by the sea. The angels, not half as happy in heaven, went hating her and me. Yes! This must be the reason (as all men know, in this city by the sea), that the hand of fate dealt to me, my faithful and evil War Hawk. But our love proved stronger by far than the love of those who were truer than we, and of many far wiser than we. And neither the angels in the heavens, nor the demons beneath the sea, can ever sever my soul from the soul of my beautiful War Hawk. For the sun never shines without bringing me thoughts of my soft-hearted War Hawk. And the moon never rises without the image of her irises, the lavender of War Hawk. And so, all the midnight, I sit down and write, of my darling, my darling, my love and my dear. In the Nest there by the sea, in her room by the whispering sea."

Granted, he slightly mangled one of the greatest love poems of all time, and he's not a poet in the least, nor is War Hawk's name as rhythmic as Annabel Lee. But dear god, the boy tried! And after all that time of smacking our foreheads and yelling until our throats bled at the both of them, this was looking like Shakespeare. There were a couple of watery eyes, and several hands-over-mouths-in-shock, and everyone was stuttering disbelievingly. War Hawk was actually the most composed of us; not stuttering, not covering her mouth, not even watery eyed. She just looked… amazed. And happy. The quiet sufferings of her crush and the painful blows of rejection were finally over. She was free to love without fear.

Alas, as we all know, peace and happiness last about as long as rainbows. Tigress was amazingly perceptive, and probably wondering why no one was speaking at our table, and scared to death of whatever was causing the apocalypse of Artica wiping tears from her eyes. Before I could get out of Shock State, she snatched up the poem.

We watched as her emotions went from confusion, to disbelieving, to shock, to anger as the poem progressed. Her smoldering eyes turned to War Hawk, her voice cold and sharp like a knife left in the snow.

"Flirting, I understand. The thrill of the cat-and-mouse relationship, sure. What villainess, let alone any girl, hasn't dreamed of a hero to ride up and save her, to gallop off into the sunset on a white horse, your arms around his waist? But this, this…" The thunderous sound of ripping paper came as she stated every word, tearing up Hego's effort and War Hawk's joy, "Villains. Do. Not. Fall. In. Love. With. Super. Heroes. It. Never. Lasts."

War Hawk shot out of her seat, her small frame toe-to-toe with Tigress's well-developed muscles. Her chin trembled a little as she fought back tears, her little hands balled into fists.

"And what would you know about love?" She barked. Tigress stared at War Hawk like one would stare at a teacher as they were lecturing. She tore the pieces of the poem out of Tigress's hands, and Tigress glanced down as though surprised to see they weren't there anymore.

"I know more about love than most 30-year-old housewives," she stated, her eyes turning back to War Hawk. It seemed as though the fury had somehow transferred between the two girls.

"Oh really? Because love is all about stabbing everyone in the back just so you can be first, isn't it?! It's about getting what you want and using those around you, then throwing them away when they're no longer useful, isn't it?! Love isn't sex, Tigress, and it sure as heck isn't found while sleeping around!"

No one had ever seen War Hawk so angry. Heck, no one had ever seen her stand up to Tigress. And to basically call her a slut? She was suicidal.

Tigress had the look of a cat who doesn't understand why you're cooing to it or trying to play with it. It clearly said, "What are you _doing_? Do I _look_ like I care?"

War Hawk gave a bitter laugh, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"You know why you're trying to stop me and Hego? Because you **always** want what you can't have," The cafeteria's din was turning into a murmur as people began to take notice of the scene. The girls and I braced ourselves as Tigress's stare turned back into a vicious, bloodthirsty flame.

"Are you suggesting that I'm jealous of _you_?" Her words ended in a barely suppressed rumble, borderline growl.

"No. I know you're jealous," The accusation drove Tigress towards War Hawk. War Hawk backed up, but didn't back down, "You're never going to have a white picket fence at the rate you're going. You don't care enough to have what I have. All you care about when it comes to others is that they're miserable. You thrive on other people's misery, and you can't _stand_ to see them happy. You're going to end up alone and suffering at this rate. Guess you can't help being brought up in greed and hate; you didn't choose to be Miss Mistress's daughter."

The very mention of Miss Mistress in a negative connotation set her off. With a wildcat snarl, Tigress dove at War Hawk. Expecting this, she danced out of the way. The students all began to cheer.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" They screamed, forming a loose ring around them. We stood up, ready to dive in.

It was over before it had even started. War Hawk made a couple of lucky dodges, but her wings weren't the same as Tigress's heritage. Her animal instincts were well developed, and War Hawk didn't have a trace of bird sense. She ran out of room and Tigress lunged for her. Before I could blink, the crowd went silent. War Hawk's throat was in Tigress's mouth. She went limp, her eyes wide with fear. Tigress was still, her canines gently digging into War Hawk's carotid artery and vein. I jolted towards her, but Golden Arrow caught my arm.

"Just give her a minute," she urged. She was right, of course; anything we did could set Tigress off and kill War Hawk. But it was agonizing, being so helpless.

Like a possessed freight train, Hego forced himself through the crowd. We didn't have time to warn him before he ripped Tigress off of her and tossed her aside. She didn't seem to be of this world; her eyes distant as she got up. War Hawk put a hand to her throat and then looked at it. She was bleeding.

"It's just a scratch. She didn't bite in," she assured us as we crowded around her. The rest of the student population left, disappointed. We then turned our rage on Hego.

"You could've killed her!" Artica shrieked. Hego looked surprised.

"But I saved her."

"If you would've given Tigress time, she would've let go of War Hawk by herself," Golden Arrow seethed.

"And how do you know?!" Hego turned to me, "You told me to fight for her!"

"I didn't say fight her battles!"

"Guys, guys, settle down," War Hawk insisted, "It's my fault. I should've have-"

"Don't even," Metaphor stated. The bell rang and we all went our separate ways.

Guess Hego hadn't learned his lesson yet.

&&&

One more Valentine's Day gift awaited War Hawk as she went out to her car; a giant stuffed panda with a heart around its neck in the passenger's seat. Unfortunately, the criminal had no knowledge of lock picking, and accidentally ripped the door off of its hinges. If Golden Arrow hadn't accidentally signed up for that welding class freshman year, our group would be so screwed.

Hego was discouraged by the rebuke after the scrap, trying to figure out how to fight for her without actually fighting _for_ her. I couldn't adequately explain it to him; it was nearly an analogy that you couldn't unravel from its deep context. God knows I'm not a teacher.

The next day was uneventful. Sure, events were happening all around me; Hego kept trying and Tigress was plotting something. As far as my events, there were none to speak of. Until science.

Dr. Lipsky was ranting about something no one cared about when he stopped, looking at the door. Everyone glanced up in near unison, so I figured I'd glance up as well.

"Can I help you, Mrs. Go?" Dr. Lipsky asked politely. She smirked.

"I just need to grab this one," she inclined her head towards me, "She won't be coming back."

Yes! I gathered my things faster than the Flash on crack while my peers glared enviously at me. I gave a gloating smirk and a mocking salute to Dr. Lipsky, who looked like he wanted to retaliate. He probably would have made a sarcastic comment about how glad he was she was so engaged in his lecture, had his boss not been standing 5 feet away. He simply gave me a small wave and turned back to his class.

Mom gave me a knowing smile.

"Boring class today?"

"You have no idea."

"Was it important?"

"…Probably," I admitted. She took a deep breath.

"Have you heard the news yet?"

"What news?"

"Good; it hasn't spread yet. I need you to take War Hawk once I tell her; I don't want her going alone. Hego already took your truck-"

"How did he get my keys?"

"Darling, do you think I was going to give you a vehicle and not have a spare key just in case?"

"He's driving illegally? Is someone dying?"

"Don't joke."

We came up to War Hawk's classroom and Mom called her out. She glanced worriedly between me and my mom.

"Is something wrong, Mrs. Go?" She asked. Mom motioned for us to follow her.

"Yes, but it's not school-related," she took a deep breath, "A fire started in the Go City prison. You can see the smoke from here. Most of the prisoners have been evacuated."

War Hawk looked worriedly at me. We had just put Avarius away yesterday, and the only reason War Hawk was here was because he had insisted she couldn't miss more school.

"Turn your cell phones on; I know you've got them despite school rules. Hego's been sent ahead and he'll call if he sees your dad," Like that helped her nerves any.

Her fingers fumbled as she reached for the keys, her every move strained and anxious. When she finally got them out, I snatched them from her.

"I'll drive," I said firmly. She didn't object.

Mom was right; you could see the pillars of smoke even from the school parking lot miles away. I racked my brain for explanations as I started up the Pimp Mobile. Fact was, explanations didn't change a thing. War Hawk didn't so much as comment on my hairpin turns and dangerous traffic decisions. Once we got to the back roads, she told me to speed up. Tickets were her last concern right now.

The Go City prison is located inside the peculiar and quite unexplained mountain range that blocks Go City off from the rest of the world. It's to protect the citizens, but they overlooked the fact that 90% of the villains' lairs were in the mountains, too. We made it there in record time and as we stepped out, we noticed the chaos. Prison guards trying to keep prisoners under control. Wardens doing roll call and loading them like cattle into police vans. Paramedics looking over some who appeared to have inhaled too much smoke. Fire fighters working their hoses over the flames. It was crazy to say the least.

War Hawk went into the throng of prisoners that hadn't been locked in the vans yet, asking around. I followed her with a slight cringe; the other villains didn't know about my friendship with some of their peers, but they knew that Team Go was responsible for putting them in there. I asked the ones that War Hawk missed about Avarius, but they just gave me the cold shoulder.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I jumped, turning around. It was only Hego, fully dressed in his Team Go uniform.

"Shego, I need you to keep Chloe back," he said, his face stern.

"Have you found Avarius?"

"He's still inside," he started towards the prison. My eyes widened.

"Hego, no!" I shouted, terrified of the thought of him charging into the flames. He gave me a wry grin.

"I'll be fine," he promised flippantly before heroically heading forwards.

War Hawk noticed Hego heading towards the prison and faced me, a horrified expression on her. I bit my lip and she spun around.

"Hego!" She screamed. He didn't so much as turn around. I grabbed her arm.

"He'll be fine," I tried to reassure her as well as me.

It's easy to watch someone you don't know play hero. If they fail, you feel sad but you don't really have a connection to them. It's a little more difficult to play hero yourself, but you know if you fail, then it's your fault, and you feel most of the burden. But it's the hardest thing to watch someone you love (yes, I love the idiot, use this against me and I'll make you wish you hadn't) play hero. Because your heart's wrapped around them in a raw way, so every time they hurt, you hurt. Just because Hego had super strength, that did not make him invincible, as much as he'd like to believe that.

War Hawk and I stood anxiously waiting, looking for any spot of blue. A part of the roof caved in, and we clutched each other tighter. We didn't say a word. Heck, we were lucky if we breathed. It seemed like years passed as the prison slowly crumbled, my brother still inside.

Well, I'm sure you figured out based on later events that he survived, so that kind of ruins the suspense. Trust me, though, it was stressful. We finally saw a silhouette make his way out of the building, and we heard…squawking coming from it?

"I can walk by myself!" War Hawk's eyes lit up and she broke away from me.

"Daddy!" She cried, relieved. Avarius's irked expression changed to caring as War Hawk ran up. He held out his arms and they embraced fiercely.

His uniform was a bit torched, his mask sliding off and his face glistening with sweat, but he was okay. He looked at the two of them and gave a crooked smile.

"Your welcome," he muttered. I walked up to him and slapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" I yelled. He might've taken me more seriously if I wasn't smiling in relief that he was okay. His mask slipped and he adjusted it.

War Hawk finally pulled away from her father, looking at Hego incredulously.

"You saved him," she murmured. Avarius snorted.

"Like he had a choice," he growled. A few cops came by and took Avarius away, not even looking twice at War Hawk. It never ceases to amaze me how a silly costume can throw someone off.

She came up to Hego and wrapped her arms around him once she was sure her father wasn't watching.

"You hate my dad," she said, a question in her voice. Hego shrugged.

"Yeah, but I love you, and you love him."

"Anyone else could have gone in and saved him."

"That "anyone else" was me."

"You fought for me."

"Isn't that what I've been doing for a couple days now?" War Hawk laughed, resting her head on his chest.

"My hero," she purred. He wrapped his arms around her.

"My villain."

I waited. And waited. Nothing happened. What was I expecting? I turned away and headed towards my truck.

"If anyone needs me, I'll be waiting for evolution to occur. That'll be faster than you two getting together," I muttered.

&&&

"Let me get this straight; you have a super hero who's head over heels in love with you."

"Yeah."

"You have him eating out of your hand and doing tricks just for a little attention."

"Yeah."

"He saved his arch enemy to prove how much he loves you."

"Yeah."

"And you haven't asked for the world."

I glanced over at Artica. It was clear to see who was thinking about relationships and who was thinking about villainous affairs. The girls and I were hanging out by our lockers again, waiting for the bell to ring. War Hawk snorted.

"Okay, just because he likes me doesn't mean he'd let me take over the world."

"You haven't even tried," Metaphor pointed out.

"You're confusing me for my dad," she stated. Hego was walking down the hallway in our direction, though it didn't look like for once we were his goal.

"Just ask him," Golden Arrow urged.

"Alright, alright," War Hawk said passively. She turned to him as he passed, "Hey, Hego, would you let me take over the world?" Her voice was covered in syrupy sugarness. He hesitated, looking rather pained.

"…Do you promise to be a good dictator?"

There were screams of outrage, the villainesses hitting the lockers and yelling in frustration. He glanced curiously at them and then at War Hawk.

"They're disappointed that I'm not trying to manipulate you for world domination."

"Ah. So, have you thought any more about that Sadie Hawkin's dance?" He asked nervously.

"Well, I was going to go look at some dresses after school with the girls…" she admitted. Hego shrugged.

"Whatever," he said, trying to act like he didn't care. But his big blue eyes were begging for her invitation.

We did go look at dresses after school, all of us trying them on and critiquing them. Well, all of us except for Golden Arrow, who just critiqued.

"Why don't you just _ask_ him?" Golden Arrow said exasperatedly, "He's obviously not going to say no."

"I don't know. I just… I still feel shy," War Hawk admittedly.

"Shy?!" I exclaimed from my stall, slipping off another too-small dress.

"Honey, if you don't step up to the plate, another girl will. Why are all of these dresses covered in sparkles that get all over the place?" Artica hissed.

"She's right, for once. Most girls don't know about the arrogant Dudley Do-Right side of him, and would snap up a chance to take a superhero to a dance. High bragging rights there," Metaphor murmured.

"I don't know, maybe I just shouldn't go," War Hawk gave up.

"You have to go!" We all exclaimed at once. Except for Mischief, who was singing "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses to herself.

I came out of the stall the same time Mischief did in an ugly silver thing. She grinned, giving a thumbs up. Golden Arrow and I both gave her a thumbs down.

"Tigress is going to be more conservative than that," I said.

"Not to mention it doesn't compliment you at all and makes you look like a Hershey's kiss," Golden Arrow added. Mischief started bawling like a baby, going back to the racks.

Dress sizes, like pants sizes, were usually different from brand to brand. So you can't really say you're a "4" or something. This makes dress shopping twice as difficult. I'm browsing around my section and then gasp. I don't even look at the size, snatching it off and heading to my stall.

"Artica, Metaphor, you have dates yet?" War Hawk changed the subject.

"Yep. Tyler from stage crew," Artica said matter-of-factly.

"Really?" I asked.

"Cute _and_ funny, a winning combo," Metaphor said approvingly.

"And a senior," I added, "How 'bout you?"

"Oh, you'll see," she said mysteriously.

I came out and Golden Arrow gasped. It was the perfect dress; made out of satin, baby blue with off-shoulder sleeves that only came to my elbows. There were intricate bead designs of silver on the chest and torso, the long skirt veiled by white see-through tight netting. It complimented my curves and fit perfectly.

"I. Need. This. Dress," I decided. Golden Arrow nodded.

I glanced at the tag and got a bad case of sticker shock. There was no way I could afford this! I looked at myself in the mirror. But it was so perfect… An idea worked its way into my mind and though I objected it at first, I couldn't see the harm in it. I hid the dress from sight in the store.

&&&

Carefully, carefully I eased the door open, hoping my headlights nor my engine woke anyone up. I breathed a sigh of relief, tip toeing my way through the first floor. As I passed the dining room, the light flicked on. My heart shattered my rib cage trying to get away from my guilty self.

"What's in the bag, Shego?" My mom said coolly. I straightened out of my instinctively defensive position.

"Just some clothes."

"Really? Couldn't it wait until morning?" She walked towards me, "It _is_ one a.m., you know."

"Yeah, well, you know time zones," I said lamely, letting her take the bag from me. Like I could hide that from her.

She inspected the high heeled shoes, the clutch and the beautiful dress as I watched helplessly. She shifted the items around.

"Where's the receipt?" She asked. I fumbled for a lie, but then she fixed her golden eyes on me. You can't beguile a thief.

"…I stole them," I admitted. Her eyes widened.

"You're kidding?"

"No. I followed everything you ever taught me; disable the security, destroy all evidence of break-in and theft, etc."

Mom wiped a few stray tears away. Oh crap. Very few things made Mom cry. She was disappointed. She thought I was better than this. If I had asked-

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in my ear.

Oh right, super villain for a mom. I forgot.

&&&

The day of February 29th dawned gray and quiet, relatively still for the momentous day that it was. I don't understand why Sadie Hawkin's day is once every four years, but I wasn't at that meeting anyway. The day of the dance was here at long last and I was going, date or no date.

&&&&&&

You can thank school for this chapter, both for its delay and its creation. I've been concentrating on my work, as any good student, preventing me from working. Not to mention every time I thought I was making progress, another plot bunny popped up (the animology bit being a prime example). Luckily, we had our standardized testing a week or so ago, giving me extra time after I finished to work on this. Anyway, it's up now despite the delay, please review.


	14. End

Disclaimer: I only own my villainesses and Shego's parents. And other random people.

The school was buzzing with girlish excitement, the kind that makes my stomach churn like a bad case of salmonella.

"You can be my date," War Hawk offered. I smirked.

"Thanks. What time will I be picking you up?" I asked sarcastically.

"I'll be over about 5:30. We're going out for dinner," she decided, giving me a teasing pat on the shoulder. I rolled my eyes at the sweet gesture. Usually we went to dances together, anyway.

It seemed like the clock had frozen, moving at a glacieral pace. The Animology craze was dying down a little late for me, but at least it was dying. A last-minute get-a-date group was gathered on the stage in the cafeteria, and I glanced over at it. As suspected, the pickings were scarce, and I wasn't going to sink so low. I didn't know why it bothered me so much that I didn't have some guy tagging along; like I had ever been traditional. I'd probably have more fun with just my girls.

I had convinced myself that boys were unnecessary oxygen suckers by the time I was going to my truck after school. I unlocked the door and slid behind the wheel. I looked casually to the passenger's seat as I prepared to toss my backpack into it. I gave a surprised cry as I spotted Golden Arrow curled up on the floor. She put her finger to her lips and gave me an urgent look. If she wasn't trying to be so sneaky, she probably would have yelled at me to shut up.

"What are you doing?!" I hissed.

"Hiding. Now get out of here before she sniffs me out."

"Alright," I tossed my backpack on top of her (she growled, but otherwise didn't object) and put the truck into reverse.

Apparently the rearview mirror was created for a reason.

There was a hard thud and I slammed on the brakes. I twisted around to see what I had hit. It wasn't a car, and momentary relief flooded me. But then I realized it had to be either a large thing, or a person. I heard an enraged animalistic snarl and knew instantly I was screwed.

Without thinking, I took my foot off the brakes and slammed on the gas. Apparently, Tigress had attempted to get up because I heard another hard thud. This time, I kept backing up and pulling out of the parking space, speeding like there was no tomorrow to answer to.

Is there such thing as accidental revenge, or is it put under the "karma" category?

&&&

"She's got a double date lined up. The Baudelaire twins."

"The Baudelaine twins?!"

"Yeah."

The Baudelaine twins were impossibly perfect; two 6 foot 5 tan muscle-bound gods with golden hair and hypnotizing blue eyes. Perfect 4.0 GPAs, president and vice president of the senior class, both with full sports and academic scholarships, captains of their sports. Girls would kill for just a conversation with them, let alone a date. But I could see Golden Arrow's point of view; it was a shallow victory that would look more like a social climber stunt than a casual dance partner. Girls would make her a target for months, and chances were they wouldn't play fair. Plus the fact Golden Arrow would already hate going to this contest of who looked the best and who had the ideal boy on their arm.

Golden Arrow began taking the curlers out of my hair. My nails were already done, as was my make-up and shaving duties. My heart was pounding in excitement for some unexplainable reason; guess there was a feminine part of me after all.

"I doubt she's still looking for me. She would scarcely have the time to do herself, let alone hopeless little me," she said with satisfaction. I heard footsteps in the hallway.

"Are you naked?" Mego called bluntly. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"No."

"Hego wants us in the team room, dunno why."

"I'm busy."

"And I wasn't? Come on; get it done and over with," I sighed, getting off my chair. Golden Arrow followed me, continuing to take the curlers out as we walked towards the team room.

Hego stared as I came in dressed solely in a bath robe.

"You're already getting ready?" He said in amazement. I huffed.

"Doy. It takes about 90 minutes for your every 15 to get ready."

"Should we be concerned that one of our biggest enemies is in our HQ?" Wego 1 asked.

"She's seeking asylum from Tigress," I explained.

"Relax, I've got my priorities figured out," she insisted, taking out the last of my curlers. I sat down in my chair and she began fixing my hair as best she could without the aid of a comb.

"So what's with the meeting?" I asked.

"The mayor's line is buzzing," he said, and pointed to a flashing "oh crap" sign. I stifled the curses I was thinking.

"Do I look like I'm ready for a meeting with the mayor?!" The t.v. flicked on and one of those curses slipped out, to Mego's delight and Hego's angst (Not in front of the Wegos!). Golden Arrow plopped down on my lap, mostly covering my inappropriate attire.

"Team Go, we hath a problem on our hanths," Golden Arrow had to bite her lip to stop from laughing at the mayor's unfortunate lisp.

"What is it?" Hego asked worriedly, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Ith seems that Electronique hath broken out of prithon." She was in prison? Hmmm, I needed to keep better track of which of my foes were in the jailhouse or out.

Hego, in perfect hero fashion, gasped at the news as though the thought that the security would fail yet again and cause us more work had never crossed his mind.

"The sovereign of software? The empress of electricity? The tyrant of technology?" Really, he could go on for days like that, "What could the princess of popular programs be up to?" The mayor suddenly seemed bashful.

"Er, I justh thought Team Go woulth like a heaths up. The With of the World Wide Web ith dormant rigth now."

"Oh, er, thanks Mr. Mayor," Hego had obviously been ready to go save the universe from the queen of…ah, heck, I wasn't any good at those.

"My pleathure." The screen went blank.

"I am really scared of what y'all call me behind my back," Golden Arrow muttered, getting off my lap.

"Just one; the blonde without boobs," Mego shot back. She glared at him.

"You know, you've always been my least favorite Go member." All of a sudden, all of my brothers had stood up. I got to play the fun "What's Behind Shego's Back That Everyone's Freaking Out About?" game.

"Tigress!" Wego 1 shouted.

"Twelve o'clock!" Wego 2 added.

"No, that's six o'clock, dummy. You have to do it according to the other person's position, not yours," Mego hissed.

"I'd say she's just past five myself," Hego murmured.

"That's because of where you're standing," I turned around.

"Well, now Tigress is at twelve o'clock."

Tigress, for once, wasn't staring at any of our throats ready to pounce. Her eyes were only for Golden Arrow, sizing her up.

"How'd you get into the Go Tower?" I wondered, knowing my mother wasn't exactly Tigress's biggest fan.

"Your bedroom window," she replied flippantly.

…Well, that wasn't creepy or stalker-ish at all.

"Come on, now, let's not make a scene," Tigress purred, inching closer to Golden Arrow. Golden Arrow backed away.

"Heck no, I'm not going with you back to the lair. If I'm going to that dance at all, it's going to be in sweat pants and without one of your twins."

"No way!" Tigress dove for her but she was ready, stepping out of the way.

It was almost all-out war. From being in more fights than I cared to count with the deadly cat woman, I could immediately tell she was holding back. Upon further analysis of my friend's situation, I noticed Tigress was minimizing her use of claws. Actually, she made no attempt whatsoever to draw blood. Oh, shoot, that meant one thing; apocalypse. She could be in the sanctuary, about to go down the aisle in her pure white wedding dress, and Tigress would still jump at the chance to get in a senseless gore fest.

Not that any of us were complaining. As much as I loved Goldie, I was glad it was her and not me for once.

"Think we should be concerned yet?" Wego 1 asked as Golden Arrow was pinned on our refurbished poker table.

"Nah, it's just like when Shego beats the crap out of Mego. There may be some blood loss, but he's always well enough to complain like the sore loser he is," Hego said encouragingly, dodging as the pair came a little too close to him. Mego glared.

"It's only 'cause she's not strong enough to beat you," he muttered. I snorted.

"Please, I could beat him. It's just the retaliation that makes me nervous. Hey!" I objected as Tigress was knocked into my lap. She jumped out and pounced on a prepared Golden Arrow. I huffed, "Imma gonna release the hounds, now."

Well one angry, territorial Go-go and one hissing, sneezing Tigress later, the fight was broken up and Tigress disappeared. Golden Arrow gave me a relieved glance and we went back to my room. My window had been left mysteriously open.

It was dark out by the time we were finished. I was very happy with the outcome; the dress went wonderfully with the curls and make up. Golden Arrow looked very pleased with herself and, as she told me, "Not bad for someone who doesn't know what she's doing". We went down onto the ground floor, Mom already positioned to pounce with the camera in her hands.

"Wow, you pulled it off. Beautiful," she admired, the same gleam in her eyes as when she was admiring an especially hard-stolen jewel. Not that I thought my mom was seeing me as an object, but she was definitely happy that the stolen dress worked.

Golden Arrow ripped off the lingering tag, glanced at it, and gave a low whistle.

"Man, it'd take me _months_ of my paycheck on a hench girl's salary to afford this. Maybe I'm on the wrong side," Mom gave me a knowing look, but thankfully didn't explain to my dear friend that I was actually dabbling on her side.

Headlights came through the window.

"Your date's here," Golden Arrow teased. A few minutes later, she knocked hesitantly on the door. Mom hurried to open it.

"Oh my. The shrinking violet finally blossomed, didn't she?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Go."

War Hawk did look pretty, her hair lightly curled and eye make-up causing her lavender eyes to stand out. She didn't overdose on the blush or lip color, in fact with her blushing all the time it was hard to notice she even put stuff on. Her dress had one strap that started on one side, wrapped around her neck, and then attached to the other side, clinging to her torso and then letting loose at her hips. It ended so you could see her high heels with open toes. A see through take out box was clutched in her hands; a boutonniere nestled among some packing stringy stuff.

"Awww, you shouldn't have," I said. She smiled.

"Alright, I'm loaded and cocked," Mom announced, holding the camera up to her eye. Obediently, we crowded together as she snapped pictures, posing and splitting off for pairs and individual shots.

Finally, she lowered her weapon.

"You are released," she announced. War Hawk shook her head.

"Actually, we're waiting on one other Go tonight."

Thud, thud, ow. We all turned our attention to the bumbling dolt who kept hitting the walls. Our eyes widened as Hego hurried down, straightening his blue tie with one hand and holding a small case in the other, looking like it had been shot a couple of times for ventilation. He had on a tux, his shirt was tucked in, belt on… I felt like a bomb I had been waiting to go off had just exploded right next to me, causing me to go deaf in one ear and shake uncontrollably at the aftershock.

'Cause Hego sure wasn't going to the Sadie Hawkin's with me.

He came down with Golden Arrow and me in a state of shock and sheepishly handed the box to her. War Hawk's eyes widened.

"Is this really from Madame Botanist?" She asked. He nodded sheepishly.

"I couldn't find anyone else to genetically alter a rose to the color of your wings in such a short amount of time."

"Awww, illegal genetic mutation for me? How sweet," she hugged him.

"I'm telling you, world domination," Golden Arrow muttered.

"Baby steps, Goldie, baby steps," I assured her. Mom, done with shaking her head and pinching herself, just stared as War Hawk put on her corsage and Hego attempted to pin his boutonniere to his pocket.

"Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD!!!!!!" She screeched. Hego shielded War Hawk as though Mom was going to hurt her second daughter.

"Mom, please, I'm old enough to have a girlfriend," he pleaded.

"You two knuckleheads finally got together!" She exclaimed. She gave a shuddering breath, and looked almost like she was going to cry, "First, Shego's a thief and now you're going out with a respectable villainess…oh I've never been prouder!"

"Shego's a what?" Hego asked, turning to me.

An awkward moment ensued, with the only sound being my mother's dry sobs and "thank you baby Jesus"'s. Hego finally just stuck the red rose in his pocket.

"Uh, shall we, then?" Hego asked.

"Yeah. I invited Shego along; you don't mind of course?" She sugar-coated her voice. Hego didn't look so enthusiastic. He was about to open his mouth when I pulled Golden Arrow closer.

"It's all good. I got a last-minute date with me. Sorry to break up with you so suddenly," I said dramatically to War Hawk. She pretended to wipe tears from her eyes.

"It's alright. Somehow, I'll just have to get over this disappointment," she sighed. Golden Arrow glanced at me.

"You don't expect me to change, do you?"

"No, I have exceptionally low standards for first dates with my enemies," War Hawk waved and Hego nodded as they made their way to the door.

"Wait, you two, I didn't get pictures!"

"Run for it!" I screamed. They dashed to the door, a nostalgic mother with a camera in hot pursuit. We laughed, watching the spectacle.

They paused, though, as Mego came pounding down the stairs. Mom huffed, knowing she couldn't get them to pose happily.

"Hey, guys, we've got a red alert. Electronique's up to her usual and it doesn't sound like we have long."

War Hawk and Hego exchanged anxious looks. Hego sighed and Golden Arrow looked horrified.

"You aren't even remotely considering saving the world instead of going to the dance with your new loving girlfriend?" She hissed. Hego was silent.

I couldn't let this happen. They were finally together and going out. Who knew how long it would take for them to arrange another date. Gosh, I hated super villain timing…when I was a hero, anyway.

I took a deep breath.

"Hego, I've got this. You and Chloe go on ahead."

"Really? Are you sure?" Hego asked, looking shocked at my generous offer.

"It's Electronique. Douse her in water and she's helpless," War Hawk hugged me.

"Be safe," she commanded.

"Come on, this is me."

"Exactly why she said that. Don't worry; I'll third-wheel the lovebirds," Golden Arrow assured me, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. Hego grimaced.

"I thought Shego was bad…" He muttered.

&&&

"Alright, this is an in-and-out operation. In. And. Out." I repeated, looking Mego and both twins in the eyes.

"Like we'd waste time…" Wego 2 began.

"…fighting Miss Frizzy when we could be…" Wego 1 continued.

"…playing video games," Wego 2 finished.

"Why did you come? I could've led this mission," Mego grumbled. I sighed.

"Let's pretend you did, m'kay? Now, out." The boys crawled down from the back seat and I heard three thuds as they jumped onto the concrete parking lot outside of a large electronics' store.

I immediately began hacking into security with the Go jet's computer. I would have loved to just go to the Sadie Hawkins, ignore the call to duty and dance my ill-obtained dress off. But an anxious feeling gnawed at my stomach. The twins were awfully young, and Mego's hero skills were weak at best. Babysitting them while they caught the busy escapee wouldn't take much effort, and while hanging out in the jet was mind numbing, at least Golden Arrow's hard work was safe.

I absentmindedly wondered if flying the jet to the high school was overkill, or even a waste of gas to fly twenty blocks off-route, as they confronted Electronique. Several home appliances jumped at them as though alive, Electronique laughing her maniacal laughter that all villains seemed to have. Mego shrunk in order to hide from view and the Wegos multiplied to overpower the hordes of computers whipping their cords at them.

Electronique seemed unfazed by the use of their powers. If anything, she laughed even harder. I gasped.

"It's a trap!" I screamed at the screen. No duh, they didn't hear me. And they forgot one of the most important rules of heroism; never take your eyes off of the boss.

With the press of a few buttons on her universal remote, a mob of refrigerators and freezers moved to the front line and gobbled up the twins, locking them inside. A vacuum zoomed out of nowhere and picked up the two inch Mego. In the time it took to wonder aloud how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood, she had my brothers imprisoned by common household items.

Mego couldn't bust out of the cylinder just by becoming big again. All of the Wegos in the world couldn't cause the titanium steel to bend. Hego and I were the only ones whose powers had the brute force they needed for escape.

I stared at my reflection for a long time before deciding that even saving my knuckleheaded brothers was worth more than upsetting a few strands of my hair. Besides, Mom had pictures.

Slipping into the building would have been a feat in high heels if it was any other time. However, between the whirl of the machines, Electronique's boasting, and my brother's cries for help, I seemed like a ninja. I had already blasted half of the duplicates and the originals free by the time Mistress Roboto realized they weren't alone.

"Shego!" She screeched, apparently introducing me to her wired peeps. I gave a small wave between shots of green plasma. Mego acted as though he had broken out on his own, growing to his full size as the container burst, striking a dramatic heroic pose. Boys were possibly the strangest beings on earth.

"I got this," I muttered to him. He looked offended.

"Shego…"

"Seriously, your incompetence is showing big time," Mego's hands immediately covered his family jewels. I rolled my eyes and vaporized an incoming lap top, "Take the jet and get the twins in bed on time."

"But, Shego…"

"No buts. You wanted to lead, go lead," I waved him off. He growled, but his objections ceased as an UPod attempted to strangle him with its headphones. He pried it off.

"You owe me," he hissed and signaled the twins to retreat. I turned my gaze on Electronique, who was standing on top of a supermassive entertainment system.

She gave a tinkling giggle as her goggled eyes rested on me, slashing technology to pieces as I made my way towards her.

"What's with the fancy get-up, Miss Eeego?" I groaned inwardly at the way-too-overused villain play-on-words. Outwardly, I had her minions' wiry entrails spilling out on the ground.

"Going to a dance, you know, regular high school stuff. Thought I'd swing by and set you up with a date with the prison warden while I was out," I said casually, gritting my teeth. Heels and crime fighting did not go well together.

"Oh, did you? You shouldn't have; your date is waiting and it's rude to stand them up," I stumbled a little, but soon recovered.

"Good thing I don't have a date, then, huh?" I said bitterly. Her metallic eyebrows rose.

"What, the heroine of Go City couldn't get a date? My, that's _tragic_," she said sarcastically. My hands balled into fists, "Why is that? No one good enough for you, or were all the chess nerds uninterested?" I didn't respond, my teeth clenched tightly together.

Distracted by my own humiliation, I felt something wrap around me like a snake. I glanced down to see a few cell phone charger chords wound up on me. Before I could rip them off, a good amount of volts shot through my body. I screamed and fell to my knees, my eyes shut tight. The smell of burnt fabric and the distant sound of Electronique's laughter were the only things I could pick up past the sharp pain of electrocution. The chargers shocked me several more times before I fell to the floor, only partially conscious.

I curled up into a ball, focusing on getting my breathing and heart rate back to normal. It wasn't the first time I had been electrocuted, and it sure wouldn't be the last, but it had never been so severe before. I felt as though she had zapped my entire energy supply. Vaguely, I heard an explosion and willed my eyes open, only to see the roof blown off of the building. Fat, wet drops of rain assaulted me.

About three things I was absolutely certain. The first, I was without a date. The second, there was a part of me, and I didn't know how dominant that part might be, that just wanted to go home and cry. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably a social disaster.

I pushed myself off the ground, parts of my skin burned from the impossibly harsh shock. I took a few steps towards the exit, trying to keep my trembling lip held high. There was a wobble and then a snap as I fell back down, my brand new heel broken off from the stress of battle. It was too much.

Tears spilled from my eyes as I realized this never would have happened if I had just gone with Golden Arrow to the dance. Why did I have to be a hero?! Why couldn't someone else, like the actual police, stop these people?! I was a teenager! All I wanted was to go to a dance with a guy and be beautiful! Was that really so much to ask for?! I saved a guy's country and he went out with my villainous best friend! It was all so complicated when it didn't need to be! Why did I ever agree to be a part of Team Go?!

I sat with my knees drawn up to my chest, feeling sorry for myself as the rain picked up. An image of Tigress laughing at my situation made my chest clench. I didn't want to face her. Not when I didn't feel like I had enough strength to even stand. Home sounded warm and safe.

But she would know if I didn't go to the dance. She would know that I didn't have the strength to face her. And that would be like giving her a free victory. I rose unsteadily to my feet, swaying a bit as I felt the fatigue go through me. I took the high heels off my feet and threw them aside; they would've given me blisters anyway. I wiped the tears from my eyes, took a deep breath, and glanced around. Once I knew which direction the school was in, I began running for it.

I had never taken a beating sitting down. Even with my back against the wall, I kept my chin high and hid the blood and tears. The odds could be a million to one and I'd still bet on the one. I didn't even own a white flag. I never surrendered and never gave up. That was just the way I was.

Sure, it hurt at first. Yeah, it was awful conditions. Absolutely, I felt like a dork. But I just focused on getting there; not on what was waiting for me, not how I could be going home, and especially not about how the bad guy slipped away and left me in such an ugly state. Dunno if people stared 'cause I didn't look to see who was watching. I was the only one whose opinion mattered in the end, though other people sure did have a lot of power.

Out of breath, I arrived at Go City High. My stomach churned as I glanced at the flashing lights through the gym windows. The couples were filing in, laughing and looking like movie stars. I straightened what wrinkles I could and waltzed right into the midst of them, walking through the front entrance.

In the front hallway, some couples milled around. Mischief was with Jesus, looking like a yellow 1920's flapper. Tyler had returned from the gym to offer Artica a cup of punch, who was wearing a lovely white strapless. Metaphor was in a classic low back black dress, a popular and handsome thief I had seen a time or two on GJ's Most Wanted List standing and staring like a statue. And there, each arm around a perfect Baudelaine twin in a sexy yet elegant red dress showing off her chest at its best, was the one girl I hated more than anything else.

My hair was frizzed up like a Pomeranian fresh out of the dryer. My dress looked like Swiss cheese and I reeked of burnt. My mascara was smeared all over and my bare feet were scraped up from the gravel run. My shoulder straps hung loosely, my skin burned in places and my sequins falling off.

Tigress burst out laughing, as did almost everyone else in the entire place. I held my head high, forcing myself to look into Tigress's eyes. She was grinning like I had never seen her grin before, her eyes dancing in glee. I doubt nothing else in the world could make her smile so than having her enemy publicly humiliate herself. She probably thought she won.

"Oh, look at this. Aren't you simply precious? The hobo/criminal look is hard to pull off, but I think you are _dandy_," she jeered, "How dare you show your face here in such a horrid state? You're a disgrace to yourself and your family," I shrugged.

"I don't care," I said simply, trying to move towards the ticket desk.

Tigress moved away from the sniggering twins to get in front of me.

"I certainly would, if I were you. You shouldn't even be here, looking like a tramp. It's disgusting," she wrinkled her nose, "Why don't you just go home? Or are you looking for some pity? Little Cinderella couldn't find a date and now her dress is in tatters? Really, Shego, that's low, even for you."

There were so many things I wanted to say. I deserved to be here after attempting to save the world _again_. She was the tramp, not me. No, I wasn't going to go home. The last thing I wanted was pity. She was the queen of low. It wasn't all about looks. A boy on my arm just for decoration was wrong. Why did my social status matter so much to her? I was here to dance and hang out. But if I said these things, it would add fuel to the fire, giving her the fight she loved so much. I shrugged again.

"I don't care," I repeated, and tried to get past her. Her grin was fading as she stepped in my path again.

"I don't think you heard me; leave. You're just making a scene," she hissed.

"I don't care," A familiar voice piped up.

Mischief, one of my most loyal and yet one of my most backstabbing friends, skipped up beside me. She began ruffling her hair, making it fluff up and become messy. Before I could object, she had torn one of her straps. It hung sadly from her shoulder. Jesus smiled as he followed his girlfriend's lead.

"Es nada," he insisted, motioning to my disheveled appearance. It's nothing.

He stripped off his tie, his belt, his socks and shoes. He untucked his shirt and broke a few buttons, messing up his hair with a smile. There was a snort.

"I don't care," Metaphor strode up to my other side, ripping her dress as she smeared her mascara. There was a regretful sigh and then Artica stepped up.

"I don't care," she said half-heartedly, undoing her perfect bun and stamping down on her heels to break them.

"And I _really _don't care!" Tyler shouted as there was the sound of more tearing fabric. Artica sighed.

"Put your clothes back on, this isn't a strip bar," she said tiredly.

Tigress was barely holding onto her composure as I looked into her eyes again.

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't try to be. But before you start pointin' fingers, darling, make sure your own hands are clean," I told her, brushing past her to the ticket desk as a small amount of applause was created from my quote.

I was shocked to see the ticket taker was none other than Dr. Lipsky. His grin was larger than the normal man's biggest grin, his hands clapping enthusiastically. And were those tears in his eyes? I glanced down and realized I had left my clutch in the jet, along with my ticket to get in.

"Um, Dr. Lipsky, I swear I bought a ticket…" He glanced down at his clipboard.

"Yes, you did," he looked me in the eyes, looking as proud as if I was his daughter, "And may I say that I've never seen you more beautiful than tonight."

I felt on the verge of tears. How did he know exactly what to say to me right now, how much I needed someone to tell me I was beautiful?

"Thank you," I whispered shakily.

"Hey, I'm with her!" I felt someone grab onto my arm. I turned to see Golden Arrow at my side, still in her sweatpants and t-shirt. The girls buzzed with gossip; could you believe that Artemis showed up in such ghastly attire? And she went with another girl?

"Isn't that your sister, the one you tried to hook me up with?" One of the twins asked Tigress. Tigress didn't respond and I turned to see what she was looking at.

War Hawk and Hego had arrived. Not just come, but _arrived_. The doors opened and they strolled in, grinning and laughing, looking like the perfect couple. Not a hair was out of place on either of them and they could've been models or actors. It was clear who the couple of envy were going to be tonight.

A strange thing came over Tigress. One minute, she's about to rip out my throat, next she looks like someone she trusted had slapped her across the face without warning. Her mouth was partially open, looking like that scene in the third Harry Potter where Sirius Black's getting the dementor's kiss, how this little glowing orb starts coming out of his open mouth that's supposed to resemble his soul.

Golden Arrow smirked and then said in a rather loud voice.

"Better cover up, Hilary. Your weakness is showing."

Tigress didn't attack her. She didn't even say some smart remark. She simply closed her mouth, bent her head, and stalked off. Usually, she's a graceful, perfect little thing, but something about seeing Hego and War Hawk defy her set her off the tracks. She bumped into a boy holding a soda, causing him to spill it on Metaphor's date. The date glanced down at himself as he began to bubble and ooze green.

"No!!!" Metaphor shouted, running to her date. By the time she got there, he was only a puddle of goo everyone was inching away from. She glared at Tigress's back, who hadn't even turned around to see the commotion she caused, "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET HIS DNA?!?!?!?!"

That's the last we saw of Metaphor for a bit, charging like a bull after Tigress, barely staying in her school form. I glanced around, half wondering if anyone else had picked up on the fact one of our friend's dates just melted. Hego was the only one who looked shocked.

"Well, that was…interesting," he stated. He motioned past the ticket table, "Shall we?" War Hawk nodded and, holding hands, they proceeded. The other villainesses rounded up their dates and gossiped.

"I _told_ her to go with Jack Hench. Even though he's a business man through and through and has his eyes on the money, he makes a good product," Artica said. Golden Arrow snorted.

"Cheap imitation clones. You get 'em with a mix of hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon dioxide and they're toast," Golden Arrow muttered.

…If only Drakken had listened that day like I had, we would've saved some time, effort, and money NOT making poor Kim Possible clones. What was the point of cloning her again? Why not try to clone someone _better_, and who wasn't me? Chuck Norris clones would be pretty frickin' epic…

"Shego!" I turned towards the caller of my name. Hego and War Hawk were behind a corny tropical background, motioning me to come over. I hesitated outside of the shot. Hego extended the arm not wrapped around Chloe towards me, "Come on. I wanna have both my girls in the picture," I smirked.

"You're disgusting," I muttered. Translated from Shego-brother-speak, it means "I love you".

We were in position and the camera man was about to tell us to say "cheese" when I felt someone move in beside me.

"Excuse me; can I help you?" Hego asked. Golden Arrow stared at him.

"I'm Shego's date. I should get to be in the shot, too."

Metaphor stood beside War Hawk. Hego gave her a more questioning look.

"I just chased Tigress out of the dance. I should get kudos somehow," she explained. Artica came up beside Golden Arrow and Hego's jaw dropped open.

"I helped pick out the dress and your boutonniere," she said, fixing herself.

Mischief came in and plopped down on her knees in front of all of us. Hego groaned.

"And what's your excuse?" He asked. She turned and looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, giving an impish grin.

"'Cause I'm coot," she said in a baby voice. Hego rolled his eyes, but didn't try to shoo them. It came with the territory of dating a villainess, and he knew they'd interfere eventually, he explained later. Better it be in public with witnesses than behind closed doors without.

"Anyone else?" The photographer asked. We took a quick head count and then shook our heads, "Alright, say "cheese"!"

"Cheese!"

"Cheezits!"

"Human!"

"What?"

"Ah!"

"The light buuuuuuuurns!"

"Banana phone!"

It was over in a flash, literally. Hego glared at us all, he being the only one who actually said "cheese".

"Is it so much to ask for y'all to be normal for five minutes?"

"Yes, it is," Metaphor stated. I stared at him.

"Normal… What is this "normal" you speak of?" I asked, complete with air quotes. He smirked.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it?" He asked.

A month later, when we got the photos back from the company, he found each one of us and gave us a good chewing out. He was the only one who looked normal; even War Hawk was half hunched over in laughter at the bunny ears and silly faces the rest of us were pulling off. A picture says a thousand words; well, I'd say those thousand words were divided between us all to describe our personalities. Because if you look at them, you can see how goofy Mischief was and how sarcastic Golden Arrow could be, Artica's spite and Metaphor's laid back attitude. I know a thousand doesn't divide into 7 equally, I'd give the remainders to the moment frozen forever, with Hego's arm on War Hawk's shoulder and her arm around his waist; true love.

We moved towards the dance floor, AKA: the gym. There was a bridge one would have to cross over a blue paper, a blown-up alligator standing guard. There were the occasional bunches of streamers and balloons, but otherwise the decorating budget seemed to have been somewhat frugal.

"EVERYBODY! DANCE! NOW!" The song demanded, the first beats blaring out. Mischief's eyes widened.

"Omg, it's my song!!" She screamed, running into the gym. We laughed and followed her, already hearing the squeaks and seeing the stiff-arms-to-sides, jump-up-and-kick-together moves of Mischief's dance known as "The Dolphin".

There were too many moments to describe in detail. Such as the Good vs. Evil dance-off between Mischief and Hego that occurred during "Everybody Dance Now" that had us all wishing we didn't know them and wondering who had taught Hego how to "churn the butter". By a majority vote, evil conquered good and Hego sulked in a corner for awhile. Or the conga line that formed during an especially techno song. Or the villainesses taking over, declaring me the queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance and hijacking the music. Which lead, in turn, to all of us dancing on stage while Mischief belted out "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol perfectly, I playing a sweet air guitar while head banging. Then I mosh-pitted.

Yeah, some scenes are best not verbosely analyzed. I, somehow, still have my dignity.

So, after the take-over and the crowd of teenagers set me down, the villainesses decided to resume the usual playlist. I could tell what song was next by Mischief's glances at me as she talked to Jesus. I didn't need her sympathy, or Jesus's. Just 'cause he went with one of my best friends, and I hadn't gotten a boy to come with me, didn't mean I needed to take her slow dance. I slipped over the moat and out of the gym before Jesus had the chance to ask me "Quieres bailar?".

Dr. Lipsky looked bored out of his mind, doodling on a scratch piece of paper. Apparently he wasn't a chaperone, just the ticket guy.

"Having fun?" I asked him as I approached. He glanced up, startled.

"Oh, Shego, it's just you. Why aren't you with your friends?" He asked. I shrugged.

"The slow dance is coming up and my date and I are too straight to join in. And one of my friend's got a guilty conscious about stealing the guy I like."

"So, typical high school stuff?"

"Yep. Glad you're rid of it?"

"Never got involved with it too much, being a "nerd" and all. My date was a robot, but she broke down before we even got through the door."

"Well, was she cute?" He laughed, shaking his head slightly. I giggled.

The beginning notes began to play of the slow song. It wasn't pop or rock, a random country song thrown in. I was sure the mainstream people would like it; that is until they found out who sang it and what genre it was. I reached for his hand.

"Come on," I said. He glanced up at me.

"What?"

"Dance with me," I asked/demanded. He got to his feet.

"But, but I don't know how!"

"I'll teach you," I said. I guided his hands onto my hips and he blushed scarlet.

"Should, should we be doing this? I, I mean I'm your teacher!"

"It's just a dance, Dr. L. Besides, I'll only be a minor for a year and some odd days," I rested my hands on his shoulders, "And now we just sway back and forth."

"Back and forth? That's it?"

"They make it simple for the boys," Dr. Lipsky smiled; not one of his creepy, super mega smiles, just a simple, human one. I found myself smiling, too, swaying in time to the music.

Dr. Lipsky tilted his head.

"I've always liked this song," he remarked.

"Yeah. It fits," I said, listening to the lyrics.

_And I, I'm glad I didn't know, the way it all would end, the way it all would go-oo. Our lives are better left to chance, I couldn't miss the pain that I would have to miss the-uhuh dance._

We continued quietly dancing, he attempting to twirl me once, but I only ended up stepping on his foot as he bumped into me. We both quickly apologized and stopped dancing as the song ended.

I turned as I heard someone coming. Down the opposite part of the hall, Hego and War Hawk walked hand in hand away from the party. They paused right before going outside.

"You know, I think this is the real deal," Hego confessed to War Hawk. She smiled, reaching up and placing her hand on his cheek.

"You know what? I think so, too. So you won't mind if I say the "l" word to you?"

"Only if you don't mind if I tell you "I love you"," she giggled and then, sweet and simple, they kissed.

I turned to Dr. Lipsky, who looked amazed that I wasn't about to pummel them. I grinned.

"You know how they say good always wins and evil never prospers?" I motioned to War Hawk, "I think that's bull crap."

It's been about five, six years since that night that, despite everything that went wrong, actually turned out alright. Artica continued her life of villainy, taking on a "cover job" as a skating instructor at the local ice rink. Metaphor became a full-time thief after high school, having to support her younger sister as well as her own college education. Golden Arrow is sort of in limbo; she's tried to get out of villainy but due to her connections, it never lasts long. She works as a drill sergeant at a military school (yeah, I know, terrifying), occasionally putting on the gloves for amateur fight contests. Mischief, also known as Cassy Catt, is Go City's most popular radio talk show host, waking everyone up with her co-host Joejoe Bean. She's fine as long as she takes her medication for kleptomania, but if she forgets to refill… After spending some time at Harvard, Tigress went into full time villainy as well, taking over Go City quietly and under wraps, becoming one of the most successful villainesses ever. Sucks, don't it? War Hawk reformed after moving out of the Nest, going on to get her nursing degree and accepting a position at Go City Hospital. And yes, she's still with my knuckleheaded brother.

As for me? Well, I joined Dr. Drakken's, I mean Lipsky's, team as his world domination dreams came to light. Got a degree in child development between plans; thank goodness for online colleges. I haven't got my friends to stop the "I told you so"'s to this day. But hey, I'm living proof of how predictable life can be.

Every lesson I learned about life can be summed up in three words; it goes on. It is good. It's not fair. It's too short. True love lasts. Hate's a disease. We need others. Tears dry up. Memories are sweet. Do not regret. Laughter is great. God does exist. Hugs are amazing. People are crazy. Hold on tight. Enjoy the ride.

**El Fin**

Finally! Am done, gonna go collapse *dies*. …Please…review…


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